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Please stop this ride...I want to get off!
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 557749" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>This was my boy, to a T. Gosh, I had forgotten about that particular merry-go-round from Hades until I read this. It's an impossible conversation to have, though we tried about a gazillion times: </p><p></p><p>Us: thank you, you can come home when you show us you can comply with rules.</p><p>thank you: I'm not following any *($&%* rules until you let me come home.</p><p></p><p>Later, rinse, repeat, ad nauseum.</p><p></p><p>Every time we had this conversation, it ended up with him blaming *us* for him not living at home. For a while, I have to admit that I kinda let him lay that guilt on me, but then the light bulb went off. Bottom line, he knew what the criteria was to come home. It was what it was and that was it. If he didn't want to work the program, not a darn thing we could do about it, but I sure as *heck* was not going to be guilted about it by him, and I was not going to go back to living the way we had been living when he was here before. Told him that straight out. Next phase was an enjoyable 1-1/2 years of him not trying to do squat, lots of verbal abuse and hang ups, and eventually him losing funding (but let's face it, it's not like he was working the program in the slightest) and couch surfing/who knows what for the next 2 years.</p><p></p><p>I do think that one thing that made it easier (cough - it's all relative, 'cuz those years were *not* easy by any stretch of the imagination) was that he did have his "family" - various street kids and difficult child's (both from his program and ones he found on his own) - that he was extremely attached to. That social connection did give me a bit of assurance about his .... well, I can't even say physical safety because I know they were drugging it up big time, but at least I didn't worry about him intentionally hurting himself. Unintentionally, absolutely, but... it's the nature of the beast.</p><p></p><p>It's not fun, and he will try to keep you on the ride. For me, after a lot of repeating that he needed to work the program to come home and if he chose not to, that was *his* choice and not my problem, I did get a little bit of a sense of peace. A little bit. Terrifying when he left the program for who knows where, but he did survive that period of time *and* he did eventually come around.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. I'm so sorry - my heart aches for you because I really do remember what an awful period of time this phase was.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 557749, member: 8"] This was my boy, to a T. Gosh, I had forgotten about that particular merry-go-round from Hades until I read this. It's an impossible conversation to have, though we tried about a gazillion times: Us: thank you, you can come home when you show us you can comply with rules. thank you: I'm not following any *($&%* rules until you let me come home. Later, rinse, repeat, ad nauseum. Every time we had this conversation, it ended up with him blaming *us* for him not living at home. For a while, I have to admit that I kinda let him lay that guilt on me, but then the light bulb went off. Bottom line, he knew what the criteria was to come home. It was what it was and that was it. If he didn't want to work the program, not a darn thing we could do about it, but I sure as *heck* was not going to be guilted about it by him, and I was not going to go back to living the way we had been living when he was here before. Told him that straight out. Next phase was an enjoyable 1-1/2 years of him not trying to do squat, lots of verbal abuse and hang ups, and eventually him losing funding (but let's face it, it's not like he was working the program in the slightest) and couch surfing/who knows what for the next 2 years. I do think that one thing that made it easier (cough - it's all relative, 'cuz those years were *not* easy by any stretch of the imagination) was that he did have his "family" - various street kids and difficult child's (both from his program and ones he found on his own) - that he was extremely attached to. That social connection did give me a bit of assurance about his .... well, I can't even say physical safety because I know they were drugging it up big time, but at least I didn't worry about him intentionally hurting himself. Unintentionally, absolutely, but... it's the nature of the beast. It's not fun, and he will try to keep you on the ride. For me, after a lot of repeating that he needed to work the program to come home and if he chose not to, that was *his* choice and not my problem, I did get a little bit of a sense of peace. A little bit. Terrifying when he left the program for who knows where, but he did survive that period of time *and* he did eventually come around. Hang in there. I'm so sorry - my heart aches for you because I really do remember what an awful period of time this phase was. [/QUOTE]
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