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Substance Abuse
PLONK! - difficult child came home drunk....
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 49589" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>re: <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Originally Posted By: Kathy813</p><p>Have you checked with your police department about whether you legally have to have your son in your home until he turns 18?</p><p></p><p>The reason that I ask is that when we were having problems with our difficult child when she was 17, I was told by the police that although we couldn't "kick her out" at 17, that if she left on her own accord we didn't have to let her return.</div></div></p><p></p><p>Haven't asked that specific question - just Googled emancipation law in Kansas, which says I have to keep him until he's 18 and out of school (dropouts count), or until he "abandons the homestead". Need to check on that, but I think that if he runs away before 18, he's a runaway. 18 and over, he's on his own. But I'll check.....</div></div></p><p></p><p>Spent two hours yesterday at the Juvie Intake Center, talking to an intake coordinator and to two Sheriff's deputies who work out of the center. Basically, there's a limbo that a few kids fall into like my son: 18, and they're "legally" separate from their parents. However, still in high school, so parents are "obligated" to continue to provide for him until he's out of school. Also, if we continue to claim him on our tax return, that means we're treating him as a dependant - which means we tacitly accept responsibility for both his welfare and his actions.</p><p></p><p>Those last two items are important, because they aren't "law", but if he ends up in front of a judge while in this limbo status, those are items that <strong>will</strong> be considered.</p><p></p><p>I ended up at the center yesterday when McWeedy didn't come home after work (got off at 1pm), and wasn't answering his phone as usual. When I finally got him to answer around 4:30, he was so stoned he could barely speak. I'd had enough, and went to the center to find out what my legal options are, and what the county will actually do if I involve them.</p><p></p><p>Bottom line is that in our county, I can take as hard a line as I want with my son until he's 18. The intake coordinator said that they're so tough that they actually prosecute minors for truancy (usually at the request of parents). But they cautioned, once he's in the system, he's <em>in the system</em>. I lose control of his future, but then again, do I really have any control at all?</p><p></p><p>Called PotMonster back, told him to sober up and get home within 3 hours, or to get a ride if he wasn't sober enough to drive. I also told him for the first time that he was at a point where he'd gone too far, and that he had to make a decision whether to respect the integrity of our family - and remain a member of it - or continue to fight my efforts to maintain a stable home for my kids - with consequences he didn't want to think about. I made that call while in front of both deputies and the intake guy, from the Juvie facility.</p><p></p><p>"You want us to go pick him up?" one of the deputies asked?</p><p></p><p>"No, give me a chance to tell him how close to the edge he is, and choose his direction". I couldn't say the real reason was that he was stoned at Pothead Paradise, and I've already been warned what would happen if the police suddenly started banging on the door there.</p><p></p><p>But this is it. The only reason I don't start the hard road this week is because (a) I'll be out of town over the weekend, and wife is scared I'll leave her with a confrontation she can't handle, and (b) he starts his "medical study" next week, and I'd like to get through the first two days of that study since it's a full physical and psychiatric workup (they need to make sure there's nothing other than ADD and SA, otherwiswe he can't participate in the study). As bad as things are, I don't want to blow the top off only to find that he's BiPolar (BP) or something else.</p><p></p><p>It is a bit of a relief, though, now having a timeline in place for dealing with this. It's also a relief to know exactly what services (and other functions) the county "offers" to parents in our position. Unfortunately, here in podunk, there isn't a lot of "real" crime, so the local PD has a <strong>lot</strong> of experience dealing with teens who have too much money, too much time, and not enough to do. Communities like ours draw drug dealers and other miscreants the way blood draws sharks. They (the "authorities") will be there if/when I need them. Let's hope I don't.</p><p></p><p>Last night, when PotMonster came home, he strolled in like there was nothing wrong. wife and I weren't buying it. Finally, I walked in on him and his girlfriend and told him one thing: </p><p></p><p><em>"After the second meeting with your therapist last year, he predicted that you would escalate your acting out up to the point where we had no choice but to put you out of our house. And that you'd do this so you could leave without feeling guilty, and could then spend the next few years in anger, blaming us for all the bad things that happened and then kicking you to the curb - which would then give you all the excuse you need to stay stoned day and night.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>You need to think about how close you are to making that prediction a reality. Only, if that happens know that it is <strong>your</strong> actions that caused your ultimate demise, not our <strong>re</strong>action to your life choices. If that happens, the only person to blame will be the one staring back at you in the mirror."</em></p><p></p><p>I then turned and left.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p><p></p><p>PS: Sad but true: both of the deputies I spoke to had difficult child's, and had been in exactly the same position as I am now. You'd think the fact that they were police officers would make it easier for them, but it didn't. Guess I don't feel quite as bad now about my own son's direspect for his parents, if those kids wouldn't listen to someone who could literally haul them off to juvie (and in one case, did just that). Welcome to the <em>real</em> world, Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 49589, member: 3579"] re: <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Originally Posted By: Kathy813 Have you checked with your police department about whether you legally have to have your son in your home until he turns 18? The reason that I ask is that when we were having problems with our difficult child when she was 17, I was told by the police that although we couldn't "kick her out" at 17, that if she left on her own accord we didn't have to let her return.</div></div> Haven't asked that specific question - just Googled emancipation law in Kansas, which says I have to keep him until he's 18 and out of school (dropouts count), or until he "abandons the homestead". Need to check on that, but I think that if he runs away before 18, he's a runaway. 18 and over, he's on his own. But I'll check.....</div></div> Spent two hours yesterday at the Juvie Intake Center, talking to an intake coordinator and to two Sheriff's deputies who work out of the center. Basically, there's a limbo that a few kids fall into like my son: 18, and they're "legally" separate from their parents. However, still in high school, so parents are "obligated" to continue to provide for him until he's out of school. Also, if we continue to claim him on our tax return, that means we're treating him as a dependant - which means we tacitly accept responsibility for both his welfare and his actions. Those last two items are important, because they aren't "law", but if he ends up in front of a judge while in this limbo status, those are items that [b]will[/b] be considered. I ended up at the center yesterday when McWeedy didn't come home after work (got off at 1pm), and wasn't answering his phone as usual. When I finally got him to answer around 4:30, he was so stoned he could barely speak. I'd had enough, and went to the center to find out what my legal options are, and what the county will actually do if I involve them. Bottom line is that in our county, I can take as hard a line as I want with my son until he's 18. The intake coordinator said that they're so tough that they actually prosecute minors for truancy (usually at the request of parents). But they cautioned, once he's in the system, he's [i]in the system[/i]. I lose control of his future, but then again, do I really have any control at all? Called PotMonster back, told him to sober up and get home within 3 hours, or to get a ride if he wasn't sober enough to drive. I also told him for the first time that he was at a point where he'd gone too far, and that he had to make a decision whether to respect the integrity of our family - and remain a member of it - or continue to fight my efforts to maintain a stable home for my kids - with consequences he didn't want to think about. I made that call while in front of both deputies and the intake guy, from the Juvie facility. "You want us to go pick him up?" one of the deputies asked? "No, give me a chance to tell him how close to the edge he is, and choose his direction". I couldn't say the real reason was that he was stoned at Pothead Paradise, and I've already been warned what would happen if the police suddenly started banging on the door there. But this is it. The only reason I don't start the hard road this week is because (a) I'll be out of town over the weekend, and wife is scared I'll leave her with a confrontation she can't handle, and (b) he starts his "medical study" next week, and I'd like to get through the first two days of that study since it's a full physical and psychiatric workup (they need to make sure there's nothing other than ADD and SA, otherwiswe he can't participate in the study). As bad as things are, I don't want to blow the top off only to find that he's BiPolar (BP) or something else. It is a bit of a relief, though, now having a timeline in place for dealing with this. It's also a relief to know exactly what services (and other functions) the county "offers" to parents in our position. Unfortunately, here in podunk, there isn't a lot of "real" crime, so the local PD has a [b]lot[/b] of experience dealing with teens who have too much money, too much time, and not enough to do. Communities like ours draw drug dealers and other miscreants the way blood draws sharks. They (the "authorities") will be there if/when I need them. Let's hope I don't. Last night, when PotMonster came home, he strolled in like there was nothing wrong. wife and I weren't buying it. Finally, I walked in on him and his girlfriend and told him one thing: [i]"After the second meeting with your therapist last year, he predicted that you would escalate your acting out up to the point where we had no choice but to put you out of our house. And that you'd do this so you could leave without feeling guilty, and could then spend the next few years in anger, blaming us for all the bad things that happened and then kicking you to the curb - which would then give you all the excuse you need to stay stoned day and night. You need to think about how close you are to making that prediction a reality. Only, if that happens know that it is [b]your[/b] actions that caused your ultimate demise, not our [b]re[/b]action to your life choices. If that happens, the only person to blame will be the one staring back at you in the mirror."[/i] I then turned and left. Mikey PS: Sad but true: both of the deputies I spoke to had difficult child's, and had been in exactly the same position as I am now. You'd think the fact that they were police officers would make it easier for them, but it didn't. Guess I don't feel quite as bad now about my own son's direspect for his parents, if those kids wouldn't listen to someone who could literally haul them off to juvie (and in one case, did just that). Welcome to the [i]real[/i] world, Mikey [/QUOTE]
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