PMDD and Duct tape...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Star*, May 19, 2009.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    After careful consideration I am opening my own company. I'm selling decorative, colorful duct tape to women with PMDD.

    Sold the first roll to myself this morning.....

    DF never schedules any of his appointments for in the morning. Okay fine. That leaves me to do my ROUTINE and get out without incident.

    Last night I asked DF about the appointment. he had today. He said "I can only get in at 8:00 AM" - okay so you are going to shower and get ready tonight right? I'll do my stuff in the morning like usual." - YUP.....:ashamed:

    PRAY FOR THIS MAN - :angel3:

    He got up late. He stayed in the bathroom so long - I could not get my shower. Let's be honest - we've already HAD the thread on why you can't go in a bathroom behind a man without a gas mask and you can NOT shower with a gas mask ON. So that was out - NO biggie - I'm relatively clean. Hair ? Okay - I'll pull it back.....

    SO I go out to the kitchen.....and there he is. Moving like ........a.......snail........a.........n........old..........snail........oh......ow.

    And I can SMELL coffee, but I can't SEE coffee because he's m.o.v.i.n.g. s.o. s.l.o.w. so I got my shoes and lunch - and trying to get out because yes.....yes....I have to be to work ON TIME.....and then it happened.

    The man who NEVER EVER eats breakfast is standing in the kitchen with MY POPTART.....OMG there is nothing else FOR breakfast......I'm too. late. to. stop. and. get. a. biscuit. (wonder why) and there he stands tongue deep in MY BLUEBERRY UNFROSTED BLINKITY BLINKING POP TART.

    (breathe ------he is trying)

    SO I go to make my commuter cup travel mug - the ONLY mug I use EVERY SINGLE DAY, DAY AFER DAY AFTER DAY AFTER.....and it's gone. Maybe I left it in the dishwasher *(nope_) in the SUV???? NOooo I brought it was here..but I go check. ANd as I'm walking back in the house - here comes the MUFFIN man - with MY MUG!!!!!! SO I poured my coffee in a smaller, less likeable but doable mug...and left.

    It was more than I could do - I slapped my hand over my mouth, drove off, and ignored the pleas I heard from the drive - "WHATS WRONG? and then the BOMB....WHAT's WRONG NOW?" and the now set me off......

    I backed up - teetering between slaying this bathroom stinking, poptart eating, coffee cup stealing man and wishing him away with a blink.....smiled and said HAVE A NICE DAY HON.....

    I swear - I think the highway Godz KNEW I have PMDD, no bath, poptart, no mug and no.......hey WHERE is my dinky conformist mug? OMG I forgot it ON THE home.

    SO to all of you who have days like this and think you may kill someone with words - for a mere $15.00 I will be glad to ship you PRIORITY MAIL a package of my new line of marriage saving, relationship improving PMDD day mouth tape.

    Cause it's the ONLY thing that saved old Poptart butt this morning.
  2. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Oh. My. Lord! I am just sitting here cracking up. Highway Gods....snort
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I'll take three!

    One for each of the favorite coffee mug stealing, using the last of the half and half, fruit swiping, taking too long in or stinking up the bathroom, blocking my car in the driveway, people I just happen to live with. Duck tape or death! Can you have it here by late next week - that should be right about on time!
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Put me down for a roll. Does it come in pink?

  5. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    So what color did you choose to coordinate with your attire this fine morning? :p

    Me? I think I'd need a full body-wrap in the stuff some days...
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    One purple, one red and one yellow please. One for each.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911

    A NEW CALI line -

    our full body wrap -

    Yes it comes in pink......

    I wore orange - with a little daisy print......:tongue:
  8. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Hon, I think you actually have a viable business here. Seriously.

    You could have it in multiple colors, some with sayings like 'kiss my arse' or other nicieties. Oh, the best one would be little donkeys on the tape. That gets the message quite clear. Maybe a spork or two? Custom orders...yeah, that's where you make the bucks.

    (Don't get my wicked mind going.)

    Come on, Star. You can do this. I'll buy a case. Here's a site to get you going -

  9. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    For those days when the duct tape just isn't enough, I'll throw in all the rope I have left over from last year's yard sale (you remember, the rope I wanted to use to hog-tie difficult child in the basement...)

    husband is planning another yard sale this summer, so I think I'll be placing an order for a case or three. One for difficult child. One for husband, and one for any customers who so much as look at me cross-wise. I think I'll go for pink, with Abbey's spork design.

  10. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green


    1. Thou shall notify IN ADVANCE of any morning appointments.
    2. Thou shall use the brain God/Budda/Alla/Mother Nature gave thee and
    NOT make the bathroom unfit for man or beast BEFORE Star* can get in.
    Contrary to what thee may think, thee do NOT smell like roses.
    3. If thoust wants to live, do NOT eat the poptart. For the love of donkeys
    and all that's shiny man.....THINK!!!!
    4. To avoid instantaneous death/maiming also do NOT, I repeat,
    DO NOT use for your coffee, the same cup that Star* has been using
    DAILY for...well, for EVER. This can cause harm to not only thee self
    but also to others as Star* will be in a foul mood all day and will be behind
    the wheel of a 2 thousand pound weapon at least a couple of times
    during the day. Possibly with thee in her sights. Again, THINK!!!
    5. If you feel the need to vary your morning routine, WAIT. TILL. YOUR.
    HOUSEMATE. IS. GONE. By using this method, you will ensure your
    survival and quality of life for one more day.

    Oh, and I'll take a case. Purple if you please with paisley print.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Mustang - OMG I should not read your responses when I'm at work.....that pfffffffffffting hahaha noise is hard to cover up with "OH silly little bank error." raises more questions Know what I mean??

    Trinity - If I would have had your rope this morning - and a hammer.

    I wasn't sure of the tune at the time I started humming going down the road...but now I'm sure. It was Jesus loves me. lol
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I shouldn't read these either at work, because I keep getting funny looks while rolling around on the floor.

    But I need the smiles!

    Did you know that if you rearrange the letters in smiles, you get slimes?
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911


    If you rearrange the letters there you get





    I'm very VERy good at this.
  14. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Star, you can also sell pink t-shirts saying, "Duct Tape or Death" (or CUTE DAPT, etc...) I could really use one of those at work......actually no, I'll just take the duct tape.

    With the right could sell it for $15. Add some chocolate and you can have a special gift basket.
  15. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Personally I still like the t-shirt that says

    Silence is golden
    Duct tape is silver.

    One of these days I'm going to have to steal the one my brother has.
  16. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Stang....I think I will have to make up one of those computer-generated T-shirts with that saying on it. That is funny! Will go over really well at one of my Moms' group events! Should I wear it to church, too?
  17. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I want a shirt! I probably would wear it to church...

    And I will take two cases of duct tape. One aqua, with skulls and crossbones on it, and one red, with the Star Trek insignia. That will take care of both the punk rocker and the trekkie.
  18. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I need some. I will take some with various sci fi on it. Not sure what other kind but I will get back to you with the rest of the order.

  19. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'll take a gross. Bright yellow. Extra sticky.

    My husband just had the nerve to ask me for 7 bucks when he just slipped 100 bucks out of my purse this morning........

    I ought to get sainthood. I didn't kill him.
  20. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Can I have that new line of tape that you can use to duct tape husband to a chair? (I think it goes great with Trinity's rope so an order of that also) Doesn't matter what time I need something in the kitchen - he is there - in my way. Then for some reason, his body knows exactly where I am heading and moves in that direction in an attempt to get out of my way. He needs to be taped to a chair and out of the way until I am ready to leave the house.

    How much extra for the timer that will go off and automatically cut him loose when I am out of sight?


    Diva has the "Silence is Golden but Duct Tape is Silver" bumper sticker. husband is not a big fan of it. Hmmm wonder why?
    Last edited: May 19, 2009