PMS and late papers don't go together

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So, yesterday I paid the guy from Zimbabwe to tutor difficult child and take care of him ... he ended up chatting with-the English teacher and finding out there is a grammar quiz Wed. and that difficult child is having a seriously hard time in that class, and he found out that the principal, a nun, has never been to Rome (but he has) ... and he took difficult child to TGIF and gave him chick fingers (wheat) and a caramel latte' (milk) and only did 1/2 of his homework. Arrrgh!
    He did pick up a biz card from a homeschooled family at a table near them. They specialize in English (not his strong suit), and have a 14-yr-old who needs company, so that's good (if only difficult child would remember where he put the biz card).
    Meanwhile, difficult child called me yesterday from school to tell me that he had a paper due and it was late ... he said it was just from Friday, but it turns out that it was a week ago Mon, and it was a very detailed paper. And they'd had a month to work on it.
    They have to rewrite (or illustrate) their version of Journey to the Center of the Earth and use 10 real examples of Earth science.
    difficult child did a simple pencil drawing on lined paper, of someone walking down a hill.
    The teacher wrote a note ...
    Yup. Same teacher. Sigh.
    The Zimbabwe tutor has a PhD in environmental science. Perfect! I told him that difficult child had a paper that was due. He told me difficult child never showed him the sheet or the science book. Nothing was done. Aaaaaarghhh!!!
    I feel like I have to babysit both of them!!! I had to go to a funeral and had no way to supervise.

    So difficult child, husband and I stayed up late doing the rest of his homework, and then got him up at 6:15 a.m. to do the Journey paper.
    husband and I had created an outline the night b4. It took us 5 min. but would have taken difficult child an hr. I would have loved to have had him there, so he could see the breakdown, but he was exhausted and we allowed him to go to bed.
    He was so noncompliant ... he just sat there, wrapped in a blanket, and said, "I don't care," through the whole thing. Obviously, he did care, because I started out the story in California and he changed it to Hawaii. Then I suggested that it wasn't just because of the flora, fauna and volcanoes, but the shave ice is awesome (I thought that would be cute) and he hated it.
    I kept asking for suggestions of minerals and crystals, and which section they were in (igneous, sedimentary, core, etc.) and he just shrugged his shoulders. I know he knows this because he wrote a paper and took a quiz already.
    After getting halfway to the center of the Earth, I literally threw his science book at him and walked out (of my own office, since he's grounded off all the computers and they're been disassembled).

    Then I went into his room and started yanking stuff and throwing it in the hallway to store it (kicking him out of the Garden of Eden, which we do once or twice a year). husband stopped me and I walked away.
    difficult child started to cry. Good. He needed to react to something. The world does not revolve around him and if he's not creating something at least a reaction is a start.

    I wrote a note to the teacher on the paper and said that's all the further difficult child had gotten.
    It will be interesting to see if the teacher allows him to finish. She's already deducted most of the points because it was late, so he'll probably get a zero.

    Even though he knows he's going to get kicked out, and this ruins his chances for a cell phone, he still doesn't put forth any effort. Usually, he'll do the dishes and feed the animals just to get 5 min. on the TV. I guess this whole thing is too overwhelming to him.

    It surely is to me.
    Especially with-cramps.
    I'm going back to bed.
  2. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    As another gluten intolerant person, I will tell you, if he has had wheat, it might be extremely difficult for him to care about anything or be in control of himself. When I have had it by mistake, it is like I am drugged. It can last for weeks. I do the minimum I can get by with to cope and I am a grown woman. I probably wouldn't care about an incentive either if I had to work too hard to get it, in that state.

    I just don't think things are going to change if he continues to eat wheat and milk. It is hard to fully understand if you haven't felt it yourself. I don't think my husband believes it totally either, especially when it comes to our daughter. He is more accepting of it when it affects me but it hardly ever happens to me. It is so awful when it does, that I am very careful so that it doesn't happen.

    You might already do this, but when my difficult child has clearly cheated, she has to listen to me point out why she needs to avoid gluten and dairy. Her therapist thought we should emphasize the behaviour and not the diet, but I disagree. To me, the behaviour doesn't happen if she follows the diet. Once she has cheated, the behaviour is very hard for her to control, much like a person on drugs can't control themselves very well. The most important step for her to control herself is to avoid the problem foods. If she doesn't, then she does have to face the consequences of her behaviour. If she is rude to me, I don't feel like doing things for her. If she doesn't do her chores because her tummy hurts or she is "tired" (and she is, if she has had gluten), she doesn't get her allowance or her privileges.

    FYI - You can get caramel soy lattes with no whip cream at Starbucks with no gluten or milk. Maybe that could be a treat for him. Almost all of their drinks can be made with soy. They are all gluten free, I think, unless there is malt in the name. My difficult child loves her Starbucks drinks.

    Maybe over the Christmas break, you can keep difficult child's diet under control and see what happens.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Hope.
    You give me hope. :)
    Yes, we've been to Starbucks many times, with-success.
    We've tried McDonald's because they're less expensive, but the people who work there always get the orders wrong. :( Different hiring practices ...
    It really makes a diff when my husband and I have difficult child with-us, rather than someone else.