Poll: Adult life for our difficult child's

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by whatamess, Mar 4, 2012.

  1. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    Ok, too many poll options, better to reply as a narrative. I am curious, if you are willing to answer, how you envision your difficult child's adult life. As my child is getting older, reality has changed what his path is likely to look like. Can you list:

    Your difficult child's age

    Diagnosis/diagnoses

    Whether you think he/she will: live at home, live with friends, group home, independent living, institution.

    Type of work: none, volunteer only, part-time, full-time, sheltered workshop or supported work.

    Education: drop out of high school, ged, graduate from high school, graduate from high school but with an IEP, tech school, college.

    Relationships: alone, date, group dating, will marry

    Friends: alone, one or two friends, strong group of friends, socialization will be limited to caregivers/paid support persons

    Independence: (obviously this will be answered with the other questions for the most part): will you request guardianship of your adult child? Partial guardianship? Will your difficult child be considered an independent adult, but will have supports in place?
     
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Your difficult child's age 14


    Diagnosis/diagnoses ADHD, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) not otherwise specified, Bipolar Disorder, not otherwise specified, Hypothyroidism, ODD

    Whether you think he/she will: live at home, live with friends, group home, independent living, institution. eventually I think he can live independently, but I think it depends on how he matures. He is 14 right now, and in someways, is developmentally only 8 or 9. I thnk maybe by age 30 if I am lucky he will live on his own, but really? It really does not matter to me as long as he is healthy, happy and productive and working

    Type of work: none, volunteer only, part-time, full-time, sheltered workshop or supported work. At first? I think it will be supported or part time. I think eventually given the right career and right work place he could do very well.

    Education: drop out of high school, ged, graduate from high school, graduate from high school but with an IEP, tech school, college. graduate from high school with IEP. He will be going for a modified diploma, so he can recieve services from the school with independent living and such untill age 21.

    Relationships: alone, date, group dating, will marry-- I have no idea. This is not a priority to me, and quite frankly? I just want him to be happy.

    Friends: alone, one or two friends, strong group of friends, socialization will be limited to caregivers/paid support persons one or two friends.

    Independence: (obviously this will be answered with the other questions for the most part): will you request guardianship of your adult child? Partial guardianship? Will your difficult child be considered an independent adult, but will have supports in place? This is one of those questions that I cannot answer, it depends on how the next chapters in his life go. I would rather he be considered independent, but if his mental health declines dramatically? I would go for guardianship if it did not jeapordize my safety.


    Good questions, I am curious to see how others answer. I think that all the answers here are subject to change
     
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Your difficult child's age: 15/8th grade

    Diagnosis/diagnoses : Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), Seizure Disorder, Brain Injury (tics-adhd-mood shifts-seizures-memory issues, perseverative/obsessive/compulsive thoughts, speech, behaviors inc some aggression), Cognitive Delay, Attachment Disorder, Anxiety, Sensory Integration Disorder, Language Processing difficulties (overall communication disordered).

    Whether you think he/she will: live at home, live with friends, group home, independent living, institution.: Live at home longer than typical....well these days I guess lots of kids stay or return home....at least to 22 while planning for independent options. In the end??? Maybe some kind of supervised apartment program. he would do better with his own space, not a group home kind of setting. but would need daily supervision.

    Type of work: none, volunteer only, part-time, full-time, sheltered workshop or supported work.: I imagine at best it will be some kind of coached job...he will likely do most of it independently but for problem solving and communication issues he would need support I imagine for life, probably on disability income for his main income.

    Education: drop out of high school, ged, graduate from high school, graduate from high school but with an IEP, tech school, college.: He will graduate to his IEP, what they do is you dont accept the diploma they give after grade 12 then you can go on to transition program through the year they are 21. He does not take the general ed. standardized tests and could not meet grad. standards. He takes the modified Special Education. standardized achievement tests and will need support to develop appropriate communication, skills etc. for semi-independent living and jobs in the future.

    Relationships/Friends: alone, date, group dating, will marry: He thinks he will have a girl friend, go to college, get married, become a dad...sigh...in real life??? I can't imagine anything beyond supported social interactions at this point....too risky that he would create a huge problem or be easily influenced....(I still have hope that this will all improve though...worth trying anyway!)


    Independence: (obviously this will be answered with the other questions for the most part): will you request guardianship of your adult child? Partial guardianship? Will your difficult child be considered an independent adult, but will have supports in place?: Yes, I will request guardianship and he will be considered permanently disabled/vulnerable adult.
     
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Mine is 17, currerntly getting ready to come out of second commitment to Department of Juvenile Justice and I have no idea where he'll end up.
     
  5. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    difficult child:14
    diagnoses: autism, PTSD, ADHD
    education: not a regular diploma, will leave high school/transition at 21
    work: volunteer as he is able or supported work
    friends: this is one of the saddest parts for difficult child-he wants friends, but he struggles so much to be appropriate that he does not have any friends currently. I am trying to work things out now so that he can have community/friend connections so he can socialize as an adult.
    living: probably at home, but he wants to live with friends, if a friend network does not develop we may attempt to provide him with his own home as we retire and hire people to live-in.
    relationships: he does not see how he is different from others, however as with the friend aspect any type of partner-relationship would be difficult.
    Guardianship: we are thinking partial guardianship for money matters.
     
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    My twins will be 18 in July.

    diagnosis's: Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), complex PTSD & bipolar
    Education: Special education their entire academic lives ~ not ready to graduate but may given their IEP status.
    Work: not
    Friends: none of the tweedle's friends are healthy or lengthy.
    Living: wm will continue in adult foster care; kt will live here until/unless she decides otherwise when a hearing for vulnerable adult status will take place. After that, all bets are off & you've all been warned. :)
    Relationships: still struggles with family attachments; will struggle to stay out of abusive relationships.
    Guardianship: I will not continue guardianship for the tweedles. I will, however, request an appointed guardian ad litem.
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Your difficult child's age 18

    Diagnosis/diagnoses autistic spectrum disorder

    Whether you think he/she will: live at home, live with friends, group home, independent living, institution. Apartment in a setting where somebody checks in on him

    Type of work: none, volunteer only, part-time, full-time, sheltered workshop or supported work. Sheltered workshop or hand picked job Vocational Rehab

    Education: drop out of high school, ged, graduate from high school, graduate from high school but with an IEP, tech school, college. He is on his way to a regular High School Degree, but no interest in college. Not pushing it.

    Relationships: alone, date, group dating, will marry. Will probably like living alone with people nearby (like in an apartment complex for other people with challanges). Doubt he will marry and very low priority for me too. I just want him to be happy and I don't think married life would make him very happy. He does have a lot of friends that he has known forever, and who live in assisted living situations, from both special education and Special Olympics and they are very supportive of one another.

    Friends: alone, one or two friends, strong group of friends, socialization will be limited to caregivers/paid support persons. See above.

    Independence: (obviously this will be answered with the other questions for the most part): will you request guardianship of your adult child? Partial guardianship? Will your difficult child be considered an independent adult, but will have supports in place? 80% indepedent. We have guardianship of him for now and will request guardianship after we are gone. He is fine with guardianship.

     
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    difficult child#2: ADHD, SA, BiPolar (BP), Aspergers
    Education: Got a regular diploma with alot of supports.
    Relationships and friends: Superficial with the possibility of SO or wife who likely will be a difficult child also.
    Independence: Could live in housing with supports but now back with his GFGmom.
    Employment: Absolutely possible if GFGmom let's him follow thru on Voc/Rehab opportunity that I worked years trying to put into place.

    difficult child#2 can have a functional adult life if he has an active advocate. No question about it.
    DDD
     
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Your difficult child's age:14

    Diagnosis/diagnoses: Bipolar, ADHD, Executive Functioning Disorder, Dyslexia, Possible Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) but not diagnosed

    Whether you think he/she will: live at home, live with friends, group home, independent living, institution. Probably will be in a group home or some sort of place where he would have assistance.

    Type of work: none, volunteer only, part-time, full-time, sheltered workshop or supported work. I think he'll work full time but it may be through some sort of vocational help.

    Education: drop out of high school, ged, graduate from high school, graduate from high school but with an IEP, tech school, college. Graduate from high school with iep

    Relationships: alone, date, group dating, will marry: Who knows?

    Friends: alone, one or two friends, strong group of friends, socialization will be limited to caregivers/paid support persons: I think he will have one or two friends possibly. Other than that caregivers and support persons

    Independence: (obviously this will be answered with the other questions for the most part): will you request guardianship of your adult child? Partial guardianship? Will your difficult child be considered an independent adult, but will have supports in place? We will probably need to request some sort of guardianship.
     
  10. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Your difficult child's age: 22

    Diagnosis/diagnoses: Aspergers, Bipolar, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

    Living arrangements: Assisted living with daily support from 1:1 workers.

    Type of work: Has had supported volunteer jobs. Likely supported work (either paid or volunteer)

    Education: Even with IEP and 1:1 support, wasn't able to finish high school

    Relationships: Limited.

    Friends: One or two very close friends from childhood, other socialization is with family, other assisted-living residents and staff.

    Independence: (obviously this will be answered with the other questions for the most part): difficult child will likely always need supports in place.
     
  11. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Your difficult child's age:11

    Diagnosis/diagnoses: sensory processing disorder (SPD)/ODD

    Whether you think he/she will: live at home, live with friends, group home, independent living, institution. Independent (if we can get her out of our house)

    Type of work: none, volunteer only, part-time, full-time, sheltered workshop or supported work. Full time

    Education: drop out of high school, ged, graduate from high school, graduate from high school but with an IEP, tech school, college.Hopeful for college

    Relationships: Will most likely date, most likely marry

    Friends: alone, one or two friends, strong group of friends, socialization will be limited to caregivers/paid support persons: A few good friends, lots of acquaintances

    Independence: (obviously this will be answered with the other questions for the most part): Independent
     
  12. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Your difficult child's age: 12 ( will be 13 in May)

    Diagnosis/diagnoses: Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and ODD, but I think that there is something else going that they just haven't found yet.

    Whether you think he/she will: live at home, live with friends, group home, independent living, institution. He is going to have to be independent whether he likes it or not. I have done my time in pergutory.


    Type of work: none, volunteer only, part-time, full-time, sheltered workshop or supported work. Full time

    Education: drop out of high school, ged, graduate from high school, graduate from high school but with an IEP, tech school, college. He says he wants to go to culinary school, but that's always subject to change
    .
    Relationships: Not sure about this one. If he treats a girlfriend/wife the way he treats the rest of this family he's going to end up alone. If he can figure out how to treat people with respect then he can be very loving and I think he will end up married.

    Friends: alone, one or two friends, strong group of friends, socialization will be limited to caregivers/paid support persons: A few good friends, lots of acquaintances

    Independence: (obviously this will be answered with the other questions for the most part): Independent. I've already told husband that he can not come back here when he finishes school. I've hinted to difficult child about that as well. I'm done. I need the break and difficult child could use the time growing up without being under the thumb of his difficult child brother.
     
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Wiz is 20.

    diagnosis'd with Aspergers, adhd, odd, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), starting at age 7.

    Graduated high school with-o suppports and did college prep plus a vocational program. Is in college now and doing very well. Has a group of very close friends and a larger group of regular friends.

    work? Will graduate college and will likely work a normal life and be able to function like a normal adult with no supports other than family.

    When Wiz was 11-15 or 16, I was pretty sure he would end up in prison for hurting someone. I figured if we both survived, I would be visiting him in prison because he seriously hurt someone, probably me. Age 14 I took the drastic step of having the Sheriff remove him and he ended up living with my parents. He really NEEDED to be an only child at that point and he was able to turn things totally around. I hate that I had to do that, but in the same situation I would do it again. I was focused on keeping us all alive. period.

    So life and my difficult child are pretty darn amazing now. He may not live up to societies expectations given his gifts, but he will be able to manage his lfie and should hae a fairly normal life. If he needs help, it will be there for him as much as he will accept.
     
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