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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 427320" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>I have been around on this planet here since 1999 , so my kids are young adults , responsible , successful -very pcs - so there is hope </p><p></p><p>I have always tried to let go and not be controlling , supporting their autonomy and collaboratively problem solving.</p><p></p><p>teenagers and above need to find the mentor , the older brother or sister, buddy-tutor that they trust , admire , can guide and inspire him. They need friends , positive peers etc - we can be the best parents , the fact is today kids form their outlooks more than their friends than parents. </p><p></p><p>A parent needs to protect themselves and their property and if this means a kid needs another place to be , the kid will be out. </p><p></p><p>Taking a stand is to do something which contributes to solving a problem. A kid with a drug problem and stealing is likely to have a pile of unsolved problems from many years back. Sometimes getting involved with the law is the only route to treatment , but if their heart is not there , it won't work.</p><p></p><p>The art is to be supportive and have a good relationship from a distance. I think kids grow fom experiencing life out of the home.</p><p></p><p>Being critical and negative , just makes people defensive - we first need to help them have a vision of the future , where they would like to be -. Forget about the present - this helps one to dream , see a different life . then see what one needs to get there , small steps , what skills do we need and what is getting in the way.</p><p></p><p>These kids would rather be successful and adaptive , that is their first choice , that is what their inner beings want. </p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 427320, member: 10"] I have been around on this planet here since 1999 , so my kids are young adults , responsible , successful -very pcs - so there is hope I have always tried to let go and not be controlling , supporting their autonomy and collaboratively problem solving. teenagers and above need to find the mentor , the older brother or sister, buddy-tutor that they trust , admire , can guide and inspire him. They need friends , positive peers etc - we can be the best parents , the fact is today kids form their outlooks more than their friends than parents. A parent needs to protect themselves and their property and if this means a kid needs another place to be , the kid will be out. Taking a stand is to do something which contributes to solving a problem. A kid with a drug problem and stealing is likely to have a pile of unsolved problems from many years back. Sometimes getting involved with the law is the only route to treatment , but if their heart is not there , it won't work. The art is to be supportive and have a good relationship from a distance. I think kids grow fom experiencing life out of the home. Being critical and negative , just makes people defensive - we first need to help them have a vision of the future , where they would like to be -. Forget about the present - this helps one to dream , see a different life . then see what one needs to get there , small steps , what skills do we need and what is getting in the way. These kids would rather be successful and adaptive , that is their first choice , that is what their inner beings want. Allan [/QUOTE]
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