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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 427383" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p>if a 3yo can be taught to problem solve , adults with problems will believe me , get there too. CPS is not a quick fix , but the fact is ' problems in living' with yourself and others revolves around your ability to express your concerns , take perspectives and problem solve - it is a basic life skill which can be taught. I mentioned in post #13 , that I believe parents of teens and above , have a more limited role and it is really the person that the difficult child can trust, relate and admire that reach the difficult child and get under the defensive shield of denial. I recommended a certain type of detachment - see my post. with the boundaries to protect our property and the right to a normal life , we can try have a relationship , chatting, perspective taking - a great way to learn problem solving is to talk about other peoples problems. Take a kid out for lunch and just chat about non-emotive stuff . May we cannot be the agents of change , but at least not contribute to making things worse. Keeping a distance = if stealing from you or destroying your property , making you unsafe </p><p></p><p>I can really only give general guidelines - and be specifc when a specific question relating to an incident or problem with the underst.</p><p>anding that i don't know you or your kid.</p><p></p><p>For some kids - they need to be stabilized on medications , others = need to find a different environment , one spouse can be negative which makes it very hard for the other spouse to have a relationship with the kid.</p><p></p><p>it is not easy , but there are success stories here - kids mature , find the right person who can inspire and offer them some stability </p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 427383, member: 10"] Hi, if a 3yo can be taught to problem solve , adults with problems will believe me , get there too. CPS is not a quick fix , but the fact is ' problems in living' with yourself and others revolves around your ability to express your concerns , take perspectives and problem solve - it is a basic life skill which can be taught. I mentioned in post #13 , that I believe parents of teens and above , have a more limited role and it is really the person that the difficult child can trust, relate and admire that reach the difficult child and get under the defensive shield of denial. I recommended a certain type of detachment - see my post. with the boundaries to protect our property and the right to a normal life , we can try have a relationship , chatting, perspective taking - a great way to learn problem solving is to talk about other peoples problems. Take a kid out for lunch and just chat about non-emotive stuff . May we cannot be the agents of change , but at least not contribute to making things worse. Keeping a distance = if stealing from you or destroying your property , making you unsafe I can really only give general guidelines - and be specifc when a specific question relating to an incident or problem with the underst. anding that i don't know you or your kid. For some kids - they need to be stabilized on medications , others = need to find a different environment , one spouse can be negative which makes it very hard for the other spouse to have a relationship with the kid. it is not easy , but there are success stories here - kids mature , find the right person who can inspire and offer them some stability Allan [/QUOTE]
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