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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="HereWeGoAgain" data-source="post: 428066" data-attributes="member: 3485"><p>These two statements seem almost contradictory. I agree, the "kid" (adult child) should be out of the house getting help. But what if they don't want to get help, or none is available, or both? Do you know the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink?" And although kicking him out won't teach him the skills he lacks, it may still be necessary. </p><p> </p><p>This whole approach you've been speaking of, finding a looked-up-to mentor to work intensively one on one with a difficult child, getting their needs on the table, teaching them skills, etc. etc. is completely impractical. Where are these paragons to be found? A single difficult child can drive two parents who have devoted their lives to teaching skills and meeting needs right around the bend. You've said it needs to be someone from outside to eliminate the conflict inherit in the relationship to the parent(s) - OK, but what's to prevent difficult child from provoking the same conflict with <em>anyone</em> who tries to tell him <em>anything</em>? difficult children typically think they already know everything and resent anyone who wants to teach them anything, no matter how collaborative the approach.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HereWeGoAgain, post: 428066, member: 3485"] These two statements seem almost contradictory. I agree, the "kid" (adult child) should be out of the house getting help. But what if they don't want to get help, or none is available, or both? Do you know the proverb "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink?" And although kicking him out won't teach him the skills he lacks, it may still be necessary. This whole approach you've been speaking of, finding a looked-up-to mentor to work intensively one on one with a difficult child, getting their needs on the table, teaching them skills, etc. etc. is completely impractical. Where are these paragons to be found? A single difficult child can drive two parents who have devoted their lives to teaching skills and meeting needs right around the bend. You've said it needs to be someone from outside to eliminate the conflict inherit in the relationship to the parent(s) - OK, but what's to prevent difficult child from provoking the same conflict with [I]anyone[/I] who tries to tell him [I]anything[/I]? difficult children typically think they already know everything and resent anyone who wants to teach them anything, no matter how collaborative the approach. [/QUOTE]
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