Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Positive thoughts about difficult child
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 428497" data-attributes="member: 84"><p><strong>1. Can you have a conversation with the kid on general non-emotional stuff?</strong></p><p></p><p>This one I get. As it's what kept me being able to talk to my difficult children at all, especially during their darkest times. If it takes chatting away about trivial things to keep lines of communication open, then great, I'll chat about trivial non-emotional stuff all day long. I'm currently on this level with katie. </p><p></p><p><strong>2. Can you share perspectives , can your kid take your perspective ?</strong></p><p></p><p>This one is not so easy. I see where you're going with this one, I do. But an unstable person's perspectives are skewed and unrealistic. When I'd attempt this with Nichole unstable, what I got in return was a blank stare.....or accused of thinking / feeling things I was not.....and often it drove a wider gap between us. I'm not saying I didn't use it because I did, I just had to be extremely careful as it could just as easily backfire and blow up in my face as help her see her behaviors realistically. I didn't use it often when she was unstable....I had to watch and wait for body language to tell me she "might" be receptive. But I will say that asking for her perspective did give me an eye opening view into her warped and skewed though processes. Once she was more stable and willing to try, I used this often and it did work well. But there has to be cooperation for it to work at all. (and for many adult kids there is no cooperation)</p><p></p><p><strong>3. Can you talk about what makes you happy, sad , frustrated - can the kid share the same with you ? share concerns, unmet needs etc</strong></p><p></p><p>Unstable? No. On both sides. Stable, or working the treatment program and trying? Yes. And we still do occasionally. </p><p></p><p>With katie? Two and three would not be worth my time. I've ventured into number two a couple of times.....I get a blank stare. Katie is in total denial, where she's been for almost 2 decades. Number 3 she takes as an opening to whine my ear off and attempt to drain me dry. I don't do number 3 with her. She has no desire to change. Her perceptions whatever of the world is that she is the innocent "victim" and everyone is out to get her. To give that up, she has to take responsibility for everything that has happened over those years........I seriously doubt that will ever happen. I'm still trying to figure out if the girl has a conscience at all. Heaven above knows her husband doesn't possess one. </p><p></p><p>I'm trying to be objective with this theory. But I'm having issues. Mostly because I see no way in the world it would work unless the person was stable, or actively working toward stability. In which, half the battle is already been won. Nor do I see it working with any of the fairly serious mental illnesses at all. My mom for example, paranoid schizophrenic.....2 and 3 would not, do not, as I've tried for years, work with her.......goes zip right over her head. Why? Because her perception of reality is not normal, nor will it ever be normal, even with medication. (which she will not take due to her abnormal perception of reality) </p><p></p><p>Would not, and did not, work with my bff either......her perceptions of reality only involved herself and what others could do for her. She had even learned to Talk the Talk, but only pretended to walk the walk to get medications to go along with street drugs to get the ultimate high she was seeking. </p><p></p><p>Which is another thing. With all 3 of those a parent opens themselves up to potential manipulation and must still remain wary and watch for red flags. </p><p></p><p>I can see CPS working in combination with other methods, medication ect with a cooperative person. But without cooperation, a parent is only blowing so much hot air. Which is not so good for the parent as it keeps them emotionally engaged in difficult child drama that they have no control over and can not change.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 428497, member: 84"] [B]1. Can you have a conversation with the kid on general non-emotional stuff?[/B] This one I get. As it's what kept me being able to talk to my difficult children at all, especially during their darkest times. If it takes chatting away about trivial things to keep lines of communication open, then great, I'll chat about trivial non-emotional stuff all day long. I'm currently on this level with katie. [B]2. Can you share perspectives , can your kid take your perspective ?[/B] This one is not so easy. I see where you're going with this one, I do. But an unstable person's perspectives are skewed and unrealistic. When I'd attempt this with Nichole unstable, what I got in return was a blank stare.....or accused of thinking / feeling things I was not.....and often it drove a wider gap between us. I'm not saying I didn't use it because I did, I just had to be extremely careful as it could just as easily backfire and blow up in my face as help her see her behaviors realistically. I didn't use it often when she was unstable....I had to watch and wait for body language to tell me she "might" be receptive. But I will say that asking for her perspective did give me an eye opening view into her warped and skewed though processes. Once she was more stable and willing to try, I used this often and it did work well. But there has to be cooperation for it to work at all. (and for many adult kids there is no cooperation) [B]3. Can you talk about what makes you happy, sad , frustrated - can the kid share the same with you ? share concerns, unmet needs etc[/B] Unstable? No. On both sides. Stable, or working the treatment program and trying? Yes. And we still do occasionally. With katie? Two and three would not be worth my time. I've ventured into number two a couple of times.....I get a blank stare. Katie is in total denial, where she's been for almost 2 decades. Number 3 she takes as an opening to whine my ear off and attempt to drain me dry. I don't do number 3 with her. She has no desire to change. Her perceptions whatever of the world is that she is the innocent "victim" and everyone is out to get her. To give that up, she has to take responsibility for everything that has happened over those years........I seriously doubt that will ever happen. I'm still trying to figure out if the girl has a conscience at all. Heaven above knows her husband doesn't possess one. I'm trying to be objective with this theory. But I'm having issues. Mostly because I see no way in the world it would work unless the person was stable, or actively working toward stability. In which, half the battle is already been won. Nor do I see it working with any of the fairly serious mental illnesses at all. My mom for example, paranoid schizophrenic.....2 and 3 would not, do not, as I've tried for years, work with her.......goes zip right over her head. Why? Because her perception of reality is not normal, nor will it ever be normal, even with medication. (which she will not take due to her abnormal perception of reality) Would not, and did not, work with my bff either......her perceptions of reality only involved herself and what others could do for her. She had even learned to Talk the Talk, but only pretended to walk the walk to get medications to go along with street drugs to get the ultimate high she was seeking. Which is another thing. With all 3 of those a parent opens themselves up to potential manipulation and must still remain wary and watch for red flags. I can see CPS working in combination with other methods, medication ect with a cooperative person. But without cooperation, a parent is only blowing so much hot air. Which is not so good for the parent as it keeps them emotionally engaged in difficult child drama that they have no control over and can not change. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Positive thoughts about difficult child
Top