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Positive thoughts about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Estherfromjerusalem" data-source="post: 429054" data-attributes="member: 77"><p>There's no way my difficult child, even today, would apologise and toe the line, not about leaving the kitchen in a mess, and not about wishing me a good Shabbos. It wouldn't make any difference what I say or how I say it. He would just stare at me as if I were crazy. He's not an extreme difficult child, but he is a difficult child. I thank my lucky stars that he isn't on drugs and isn't an alcoholic, but his way of looking at the world is not what I would call "normal." He truly only sees things from his own perspective. That doesn't mean that sometimes, when HE decides to (and it is very very rare but it can happen), he won't go into the kitchen and clear it up. But that's only if I am ill, or so snowed under with work that I am hysterical.</p><p></p><p>I have done everything in my power to keep our relationship with our difficult child as steady as possible. That means keeping my mouth shut almost always. I don't spoil him (anyway, he is in Australia now, but that's another story and he'll probably be coming back soon because he just isn't managing to make a go of it), but I do try to make life comfortable for him with us, mainly for selfish reasons -- that way I have more peace of mind. That doesn't mean we don't have limits, we do, and he more or less respects that because I have made sure that he knows that I love him and that he can always be here (if he toes the line).</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure if what I have been doing is the correct way. There is always more than one way of dealing with a situation, so one will never know if it would have been better if we had done something else, because you can only choose to do one thing at a time. My husband is more stern and is more of a disciplinarian, so we more or less share a carrot and stick approach, although we do try to stay more or less on the same page.</p><p></p><p>I think the whole point of this forum is to bring up concrete problems as they happen, and then we bring up our own personal experiences and share them, or concrete suggestions.</p><p></p><p>I've only just now read this thread for the first time.</p><p></p><p>Love, Esther</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Estherfromjerusalem, post: 429054, member: 77"] There's no way my difficult child, even today, would apologise and toe the line, not about leaving the kitchen in a mess, and not about wishing me a good Shabbos. It wouldn't make any difference what I say or how I say it. He would just stare at me as if I were crazy. He's not an extreme difficult child, but he is a difficult child. I thank my lucky stars that he isn't on drugs and isn't an alcoholic, but his way of looking at the world is not what I would call "normal." He truly only sees things from his own perspective. That doesn't mean that sometimes, when HE decides to (and it is very very rare but it can happen), he won't go into the kitchen and clear it up. But that's only if I am ill, or so snowed under with work that I am hysterical. I have done everything in my power to keep our relationship with our difficult child as steady as possible. That means keeping my mouth shut almost always. I don't spoil him (anyway, he is in Australia now, but that's another story and he'll probably be coming back soon because he just isn't managing to make a go of it), but I do try to make life comfortable for him with us, mainly for selfish reasons -- that way I have more peace of mind. That doesn't mean we don't have limits, we do, and he more or less respects that because I have made sure that he knows that I love him and that he can always be here (if he toes the line). I'm not sure if what I have been doing is the correct way. There is always more than one way of dealing with a situation, so one will never know if it would have been better if we had done something else, because you can only choose to do one thing at a time. My husband is more stern and is more of a disciplinarian, so we more or less share a carrot and stick approach, although we do try to stay more or less on the same page. I think the whole point of this forum is to bring up concrete problems as they happen, and then we bring up our own personal experiences and share them, or concrete suggestions. I've only just now read this thread for the first time. Love, Esther [/QUOTE]
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