POSSIBLE BREAKTHROUGH WITH difficult child 2!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Paul, Dec 27, 2007.

  1. Paul

    Paul New Member

    After trying everything and having to wait 4-6 months for a neuro-psychiatric to re-evaluate difficult child 2, we tried something radical...and it's working!

    Here is what we did...

    **************************************************************
    <u>EARN YOUR PASSPORT FOR THE DAY!</u>

    You are to take your pill dosage to Mom or Dad with a glass of water. You are to take you pill in front of Mom or Dad and show them that you swallowed the pill. If you successfully take all your doses, YOU HAVE EARNED YOUR PASSPORT FOR THE DAY!

    PENALTY – If you skip any dose, you lose all privileges for the day; no computer/TV/MP3 Player/Playstation/Friends/Phone Calls/Toys/Family Activities.

    If you have your PASSPORT, you will earn points each day to buy activities. If you SAVE your points, and EARN points, you can buy WEEKEND & VACATION TIME SPECIALS!

    Your PASSPORT gives you an automatic 50 points! Every activity costs you some points, breaking the rules costs you points so you have less to spend!

    <u>WHAT YOU CAN BUY!</u>

    Just like Mom & Dad, you have to buy the things you want – here is what you can buy and how much it will cost!

    DAILY ACTIVITIES
    COST

    Playing a Card or Board Game With The Family
    FREE

    Reading a Book
    FREE

    Joining In On a Game or Activity
    FREE

    Playing With Your Toys – FULL DAY PASS!
    2 POINTS

    Going Out to Play For 2 Hours
    5 POINTS

    Having a Friend Over to Play For 2 Hours
    5 POINTS

    Going Over to a Friend's House For 2 Hours
    5 POINTS

    Listening to Your MP3 Player – FULL DAY PASS!
    10 POINTS

    Watching TV – FULL DAY PASS!
    10 POINTS

    Watching a Show YOU Want In the Living Room (subject to family approval)
    15 POINTS

    Watching TV During Bedtime (when you fall asleep – your TV will be turned off!)
    15 POINTS

    Playing On the Computer For 1 Hour
    25 POINTS

    Playing On the Playstation For 1 Hour
    25 POINTS

    <u>WHAT YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY EXTRA FOR!</u>

    Breaking the rules can cost you points and keep you from buying things you want! Here is how you can lose points DAILY!

    DAILY PENALTIES
    YOU LOSE:

    Not Hanging Up Coat and Putting Away Hat, Gloves, Boots/Shoes
    10 POINTS

    Not Completing Homework Without Hassle
    20 POINTS

    Not Completing Homework WITH HASSLE
    30 POINTS

    Not Completing Chores Properly (to be approved by Mom or Dad)
    20 POINTS

    Speaking Rudely to an Adult (does not include joking around AT HOME WITH US)
    10 POINTS

    Speaking Rudely to an Adult OUTSIDE THE HOUSE
    25 POINTS

    Disobeying an Adult AT ANY TIME
    25 POINTS

    Lying about ANYTHING
    30 POINTS

    Whining or Causing Problems AT ANY TIME INCLUDING FAMILY OUTINGS
    30 POINTS

    Purposely Irritating Others After They Tell You to STOP
    25 POINTS

    Disrespecting an Adult AT ANY TIME (does not include joking around AT HOME WITH US)
    30 POINTS

    Overtime on ANY Playtime (Outide / Inside / or At Friend's House) LETTING MOM & DAD KNOW
    5 POINTS

    Overtime on ANY Playtime (Outide / Inside / or At Friend's House) WITHOUT LETTING MOM & DAD KNOW
    15 POINTS

    Overtime on the Computer / Playstation
    10 POINTS

    Playing Inappropriate Games on the Computer / Playstation
    15 POINTS

    Viewing Inappropriate Material on the Computer or Using Computer Improperly
    20 POINTS

    Viewing Inappropriate TV Shows or Movies
    20 POINTS + LOSS OF TV PASS

    Throwing ANY Temper Tantrums or Fits
    LOSE ALL PRIVLEDGES AND POINTS

    <u>HOW YOU CAN EARN EXTRA POINTS!</u>

    You have the potential to earn a total of 250 Points throughout the week by getting your PASSPORT everyday! You can save these points and EARN additional points for good behavior at the end of every week! Here is how you can earn extra points to make your weekend EXTRA SPECIAL!

    BEHAVIOR
    WHAT YOU WILL EARN:

    Take Medicine On Time AT ALL TIMES
    25 POINTS

    Respect EVERYONE AT ALL TIMES
    25 POINTS

    Telling the Truth AT ALL TIMES
    25 POINTS

    Not Whining or Causing Problems AT ALL TIMES
    25 POINTS

    Keeping Your Side of the Room Clean AT ALL TIMES
    25 POINTS

    Successfully Completing Homework AT ALL TIMES
    25 POINTS

    Successfully Completing Chores AT ALL TIMES
    25 POINTS

    Doing Extra Chores On Your Own Just to Help Out
    25 POINTS

    Going to Church
    50 POINTS

    Getting Excellent Grades
    100 POINTS

    <u>WEEKEND & VACATION-TIME SPECIALS!</u>

    So with your 250 Points from your week (if you save them all and do not lose any), plus the POTENTIAL of earning an additional 250 points at the end of the week, you can buy special activities with your points! Here is what you can buy!

    WHAT YOU CAN BUY:
    COST:

    Having a Friend or Family Member spend the Night Here (PER NIGHT)
    100 POINTS

    Spending the Night at a Friend's or Family Member's House (PER NIGHT)
    200 POINTS

    Watching a Movie at Home of YOUR CHOICE (subject to family approval)
    200 POINTS

    Playing a Card or Board Game of YOUR CHOICE
    200 POINTS

    Going to the Movie Theater (If Money Allows)
    250 POINTS

    Going Bowling / Playing Pool (If Money Allows)
    250 POINTS

    Going Out to Eat at a Restaurant OF YOUR CHOICE (If Money Allows)
    250 POINTS

    Slumber Party (with Pizza if Money Allows)
    500 POINTS

    Family Fun Time (an activity of your choice that everyone can participate in – weather permitting)
    500 POINTS

    Swimming Pool / Day at the Beach
    750 POINTS

    Road Trip to Museum / Amusement Park / Carnival / Fair
    1000 POINTS

    **************************************************************
     
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I like the idea. Hope it works for you. Just be careful that he doesn't get so far into the hole he feels like he can never dig himself out -- this can cause him to give up entirely and just "be bad." Sad how our kids' minds can work.
     
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Sounds great! Hope it works -- I'd love to hear how it's working for you after a few months. My biggest problem is I never seem to be able to stay on top of these plans with the difficult child's, as much as I'd like to have them in place. I'm worn out after about three days :wink: Maybe if I got more support from husband on implementing...

    I can always dream!
     
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sounds like a good plan. If it was mine I would have a point in time when the slate was wiped clean if it was negative. I would also have the AT ALL TIMES modified because it would be very overwhelming to my kids.

    I would have points awarded for going to room or outside to work off frustration or anger in appropriate ways. I would also have a stiff penalty for physical violence, but that was an issue we had a lot of. Hopefully you don't.

    Good luck!

    Susie
     
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    If difficult child 2 is strictly ODD and nothing else, then I think you're on to something.

    If, however, there are things of a biological nature, such as mood disorders, anxiety, ADHD going or things that are trauma based due to his past and if he's unstable he's not going to be able to hold it together for long. He may initially, but it will eventually become too much. 'Normalcy' alone for our kids is hard to maintain on a good day. Add in undx'd and untreated disorders and expectations that seem insurmountable (to one unstable) and it's going to fall apart.

    Once he's diagnosis'd and stable, then these things can be added in.

    There also seems to be a lot of all or nothing. Like Susie said, that is overwhelming. Start small and work up. If you start at the top you have nowhere to go but down.

    I probably wouldn't give points for medications. If I were going to make an issue out of it, it would be non-negotiable. Nothing else happens until the medications happen. Then do points for the rest. What happens if he decides he doesn't care if he gets the points he's still not going to take his medications? Then what recourse do you have because you have basically made this deal with him and his response will be, 'So. I don't care if I don't get the points.'?

    I think losing all points for the day because of a tantrum or meltdown is a bit much and can create an 'I can't win so why bother' attitude. It also creates a 'one bad thing wipes out all of the good' mindset. How many adults do you know throw a hissy fit because of a bad day at work? They should get to keep the points for what they have already done and come up with something else for the tantrums. The tantrum doesn't take away the good things they did.

    Just my two cents.
     
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Wow - sounds like a lot of work! I could never keep up with tracking all those points.

    However, I'm glad that it's working for you & that difficult child is responding in a positive manner!

    Thanks for sharing.
     
  7. Janna

    Janna New Member

    That's really cool, I like it. How do you keep track of the points? Do you keep up on a Dry Erase board or something?

    Like that - would be too much for me with 3 kids, but for just 1, it's awesome.
     
  8. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    Yay for finding something that your difficult child takes to :bravo:

    We did something similar for difficult child when she was younger. Called it her "privilege dollar system" and she could earn extra play $$ to spend on certain privileges. I printed the $$ off the computer and even put her face on the dollars :). She thought that was cool. It was a lot of work and but was only an incentive for a short time...until she became tired of the program. Thats our biggest issue...finding the righ incentives.

    Hope this helps you all for a long time :smile:
     
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad that you found something that is working for you! I could never keep up with all the numbers. Additionally, I don't expect difficult child to be perfect and the not whining about anything or not complaining about homework is a pretty typical kid thing to me. But, if it works for your family that is what is the most important!

    Sharon
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think it's a little too absolute. in my opinion he can't win. I think the concept is good, but it needs more flexibility. I don't even think my easy child could never whine or complain. If you think about it, do you or your fiance ever whine or complain about work or life? I know I do...lol. Although it's worded in a positive way, I actually think it's a set up for failure, not just for him but for most people. JMO
     
  11. Paul

    Paul New Member

    Ok, I see we are getting mixed reviews on our little system we are trying - and not to worry, we accept criticism very well here.

    The initial reason why this came about was because of the excessive lying, throwing fits, and not taking his medication. we needed to figure out something to do with him, so this was kind of an act of desperation. It has been working without major issue at all and he is actually saving points, learning the values of good behavior and the consequences of bad behavior. He has been 'johnny on the spot' with most everything. (PS - we are keeping track of the points using Google Docs so it cannot be tampered with :smile: ).

    Anywho, a new quandry has arisen. The fiance wants quiet / romantic time for me and her, and she wants to know if it is alright to break the cycle and allow him to stay with a family friend for the weekend. If this is working - do you think it is alright to be flexible and give him a weekend away from the house? Or will this just add to his 'fuel'?
     
  12. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well I think flexible thinking is a must with a a difficult child!

    What reasoning will you give him as to why he gets to go away for the weekend? Where will difficult child 1 be? Is it really a reward for him to go to family on the weekend or a reward for you and your fiance?

    Only you can decide how this deviation will affect the system that you say is working so well. What is to prevent him from making a request say for an extra hour of game time since "Dad, you said there are always exceptions." Will this end up being a battle of wits? Our difficult children are real experts at manipulation and throwing our words back at us. You make an exception to rules you say there are no exceptions to and the rules become guidelines.

    Sharon
     
  13. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    With my difficult child 1, although you had to think differently with him, allowing deviation for any reason other than ones he earned set you up for months of "give an inch, take a mile" mentality.
    He could not see himself as a "child" as opposed to an equal with the adult world. Therefore, if there were exceptions for adults, there would be valid exceptions for the child, and if he "got away with it" once, you can bank he'd attempt it as many times as he could squeeze in between sunrise and sunset. If we said no overnights with anyone and then sent him to grandma's for the night FOR US, he saw it as a benefit to him without having to be earned, and that's all he saw. Thus it would become a battle.
    HOWEVER - you and your fiance must take care of YOU, too. Its a very fine line to walk. Personally, if this were my difficult child and this was working for me, I'd hire a sitter to come after he's asleep and head out the door for the late movie.
     
  14. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    What I always told my difficult child was that when she went to Grandma's(or her dad's etc..) house, Grandma might have different rules than we do and that it was ok to have different rules. You guys need your alone time and it will probably be good for him to have a break as well.

    I'm sorry if I came off as negative about your program. I realize that as parents, we need to have a good variety of strategies up our sleeves and what works for some, won't work for others. If this is working for you and your difficult child is taking to it, utilize it as long as possible. :smile:
     
  15. Paul

    Paul New Member

    Whoops!

    False Alarm...fiance didn't think he would have enough points - barring any problems - taking into account his end of the week rewards, he will have 361 points to spend - more than enough to get him out for a night to give us some private time :smile:
     
Loading...