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Post Mother's Day thoughts.............
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 594600" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>One of the positive things that I have been able to observe and practice throughout this situation with my difficult child is something Buddhism teaches.........I am not a Buddhist, however the philosophy makes so much sense to me. The ability to live each day without attachments is such a fascinating concept. The reason behind that is that in this particular context, the way it's seen is that the main cause of suffering is what we are attached to, ideas, beliefs, our wealth, our position, what we think is right or wrong, our judgments, our kids.................not to have to let go of all of that, but to let go of our NEED for all of that...............and that life is about impermanence, nothing remains, everything changes. </p><p></p><p>My attempts at letting go of judgments and learning to live in compassion is challenging, but it does bring a real sense of openness and flexibility. And, 'the middle way'....... balance, not flying from one end to the other but maintaining that sort of neutrality ..............and always, always practicing kindness. I practice this way of living every day...........observing my attachments and noticing when/if they bring suffering..............I try to maintain balance and to practice loving kindness. None of this is necessarily simple or easy, but it feels worth it to me and it's all helped me to not only cope with what has happened with my difficult child, but to hold all of it in a different way so I am not continually suffering. Giving up being "right" has helped a lot.</p><p></p><p> This has all helped me to be calm and not assume a righteous attitude, but to realize all I can do is extend love and accept what is...............meditation, being in nature, forgiveness, prayer.......all make peace possible a good percentage of time. As you said, Barbara, "perception is key." And, you can shift perception and look at the same exact thing in a different way. That quote, "change the way you look at things and the things you look at change," is really so true. </p><p></p><p>We all have our different ways of 'getting through the night' ...........sometimes in all this darkness we can find a lantern and that lantern can not only light our way and change the present dark situation, but change one's whole life............all that I've learned because of my daughter has brought me an odd array of gifts along the way and in many very important ways, changed my life. Certainly has brought me LOTS of pain, but it has also sharpened traits in me and brought to the light strengths and capacities I didn't know I possessed. Like much in life, it's that rich blend of pain and joy which adds up to who we become...............</p><p></p><p>I think all of us here, with our broken hearts and deep disappointments expand our lives in very dramatic ways which aren't always noticed given the pain we endure.............but one day we wake up and notice, gee, I had no idea I had that kind of courage, that strength, that power, that compassion, that assertiveness, that warmth, that forgiveness, that kindness, that tenacity, that stubbornness, that empathy, that depth of caring, that nurturing, that anger, that sorrow, that grace, <em>that ability to love and accept, ...</em>....................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 594600, member: 13542"] One of the positive things that I have been able to observe and practice throughout this situation with my difficult child is something Buddhism teaches.........I am not a Buddhist, however the philosophy makes so much sense to me. The ability to live each day without attachments is such a fascinating concept. The reason behind that is that in this particular context, the way it's seen is that the main cause of suffering is what we are attached to, ideas, beliefs, our wealth, our position, what we think is right or wrong, our judgments, our kids.................not to have to let go of all of that, but to let go of our NEED for all of that...............and that life is about impermanence, nothing remains, everything changes. My attempts at letting go of judgments and learning to live in compassion is challenging, but it does bring a real sense of openness and flexibility. And, 'the middle way'....... balance, not flying from one end to the other but maintaining that sort of neutrality ..............and always, always practicing kindness. I practice this way of living every day...........observing my attachments and noticing when/if they bring suffering..............I try to maintain balance and to practice loving kindness. None of this is necessarily simple or easy, but it feels worth it to me and it's all helped me to not only cope with what has happened with my difficult child, but to hold all of it in a different way so I am not continually suffering. Giving up being "right" has helped a lot. This has all helped me to be calm and not assume a righteous attitude, but to realize all I can do is extend love and accept what is...............meditation, being in nature, forgiveness, prayer.......all make peace possible a good percentage of time. As you said, Barbara, "perception is key." And, you can shift perception and look at the same exact thing in a different way. That quote, "change the way you look at things and the things you look at change," is really so true. We all have our different ways of 'getting through the night' ...........sometimes in all this darkness we can find a lantern and that lantern can not only light our way and change the present dark situation, but change one's whole life............all that I've learned because of my daughter has brought me an odd array of gifts along the way and in many very important ways, changed my life. Certainly has brought me LOTS of pain, but it has also sharpened traits in me and brought to the light strengths and capacities I didn't know I possessed. Like much in life, it's that rich blend of pain and joy which adds up to who we become............... I think all of us here, with our broken hearts and deep disappointments expand our lives in very dramatic ways which aren't always noticed given the pain we endure.............but one day we wake up and notice, gee, I had no idea I had that kind of courage, that strength, that power, that compassion, that assertiveness, that warmth, that forgiveness, that kindness, that tenacity, that stubbornness, that empathy, that depth of caring, that nurturing, that anger, that sorrow, that grace, [I]that ability to love and accept, ...[/I].................... [/QUOTE]
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