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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 744797" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Ahhjeez. I have a new therapist who told me about an encounter group he went to many, many years ago (a product of the 70s). The group of coworkers were at the tail end of many days of self-revelation and shedding defenses.</p><p></p><p>There was an exercise. You have 6 mos to live. Your health will stay at the same level as now. What would you do in those six months?</p><p></p><p>He said the group was filled with highly successful, hard driving people. He said, many of them broke down and sobbed when they faced their truth: the important things for them were what they already had.</p><p></p><p>I thought all day how I would choose. (You see. I'm a slow learner.) Would I go to Athens, Rio, dance tango?</p><p></p><p>And next I thought. Well I'd want to be with my son. But he's not reliable to travel with. So I thought some more.</p><p></p><p>I would want to stay home (with my house beautiful, organized, comfortable). I would want to be close to him, my son. That would be my heart's desire. I would read, watch movies with him, good TV. I would want close friends nearby (who don't exist where I live. So I have to make them). I would want to be working some at my profession with the same kind of people I worked with for many years.</p><p></p><p>In other words... I would want my lfe as it has been, what I could have right now. Easily. Nothing more. My same life. But with more comfort, acceptance and ease. But most of all with my son near.</p><p></p><p>This was a revelation to me. All of it.</p><p></p><p>Why do I write this to you?</p><p></p><p>What that niece said had nothing to do really with you.</p><p></p><p>She handled it very badly. She tried to lie her way out of it. Gaslighting you. She could have had a true voice. A true heart. Instead she doubled down in her hardness. Her bitterness. Her smallness.</p><p></p><p>We all of us have people in our life like this. Whether due to fear, envy, sadness, jealousy, weakness, estrangement from themselves, they gain their sense of self by power over others...and it takes a special kind of smallness to do it like your niece did it.</p><p></p><p>She is not a trustworthy person. You gave her a chance to stand up. Instead she made herself smaller. If that is possible.</p><p></p><p>There was a gift in this. Actually more than one. But the one that feels bigger to me is the opportunity to reflect on who we are, what we need, who we need, and what we are not.</p><p></p><p>This niece has not a thing to do with who and what you are. And what you need. Cut her loose. She's just one more small, weak person. You are neither small nor weak.</p><p></p><p>Maybe that's her problem. But let it be hers. You don't need to borrow it or carry it even five minutes more. I am sorry it hurts. It's happened to all of us. It's not about you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 744797, member: 18958"] Hi Ahhjeez. I have a new therapist who told me about an encounter group he went to many, many years ago (a product of the 70s). The group of coworkers were at the tail end of many days of self-revelation and shedding defenses. There was an exercise. You have 6 mos to live. Your health will stay at the same level as now. What would you do in those six months? He said the group was filled with highly successful, hard driving people. He said, many of them broke down and sobbed when they faced their truth: the important things for them were what they already had. I thought all day how I would choose. (You see. I'm a slow learner.) Would I go to Athens, Rio, dance tango? And next I thought. Well I'd want to be with my son. But he's not reliable to travel with. So I thought some more. I would want to stay home (with my house beautiful, organized, comfortable). I would want to be close to him, my son. That would be my heart's desire. I would read, watch movies with him, good TV. I would want close friends nearby (who don't exist where I live. So I have to make them). I would want to be working some at my profession with the same kind of people I worked with for many years. In other words... I would want my lfe as it has been, what I could have right now. Easily. Nothing more. My same life. But with more comfort, acceptance and ease. But most of all with my son near. This was a revelation to me. All of it. Why do I write this to you? What that niece said had nothing to do really with you. She handled it very badly. She tried to lie her way out of it. Gaslighting you. She could have had a true voice. A true heart. Instead she doubled down in her hardness. Her bitterness. Her smallness. We all of us have people in our life like this. Whether due to fear, envy, sadness, jealousy, weakness, estrangement from themselves, they gain their sense of self by power over others...and it takes a special kind of smallness to do it like your niece did it. She is not a trustworthy person. You gave her a chance to stand up. Instead she made herself smaller. If that is possible. There was a gift in this. Actually more than one. But the one that feels bigger to me is the opportunity to reflect on who we are, what we need, who we need, and what we are not. This niece has not a thing to do with who and what you are. And what you need. Cut her loose. She's just one more small, weak person. You are neither small nor weak. Maybe that's her problem. But let it be hers. You don't need to borrow it or carry it even five minutes more. I am sorry it hurts. It's happened to all of us. It's not about you. [/QUOTE]
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