Posts of Personal Nature

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by ML, Mar 10, 2008.

  1. ML

    ML Guest

    I am writing this post to offer an apology of sorts for my recent posts. I have made myself way too vulnerable by posting personal stuff and I regret it. I realize that I have some issues that I need to work on but this forum isn’t the place. I will continue to come here and post about difficult child issues because you are all amazing in terms of knowledge and support in this area.

    See what happens is that when I struggle with something and then share it, I get sad if I don’t receive responses or support and feel like no one relates to me. I find myself feeling oversensitive, needy and dependent upon acceptance when what I need to be working on is the liking and approving of myself. I don’t want to put so much pressure on external sources of validation. Forgive me for dumping and for putting negative energy into my posts.
     
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I see nothing wrong with personal posts. They are a part of our life and, thus, our kids' lives. You won't always get the responses you want. Sometimes it is because of timing (post on weekends and you get less just because most are busy at home and doing things), sometimes it is because the post strikes a nerve that others aren't comfortable with, sometimes it is a post that requires thought before a response can be given, sometimes it is seen as a post that really needs few responses because it is a vent or whatever.

    There is no question that some will get a response no matter what they say either because they've been here a long time or just strike a chord with others. It's nothing to take personal, just a fact that we're all human and relate more to some people than others. I know I've posted about problems with my daughter and really didn't get the help/responses I would have liked but those who did respond did it with thought and caring. That was enough for me.

    So, post as you need, take what you need from the responses. Don't take it personally if you don't get as many responses as you'd like. And remember that we do care.

    (((((hugs)))))
     
  3. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I'm not sure about what you are talking about. I looked at your posts and except for the one you have in Healthful Living, you've gotten responses to your posts. I think yesterday was a slow day and Healthful Living is a new forum. If you'd like, ask LDM to move that post over the Watercooler and I'm sure you'll get more responses.

    Listen, regardless of personal or difficult child-related posts, this site and the people here are here for support. Who else better to let loose and vent to and release frustration?
     
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I just want to echo Meowbunny. Some threads spark a lot of discussion and some don't, for the variety of reasons listed above. It's happened to all of us at one point or another so you're not alone, Michele.

    A couple of suggestions...

    ...1. Make sure you are giving as much as you are getting. If you reply to others, chances are they will reply back.

    ...2. If you want a reply, say so. Sometimes it's hard to tell if folks are just venting and don't want feedback or if they do. Tell us what you need.........a hug, some advice, just a listening ear.

    Anyway, hugs to you.

    Suz
     
  5. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! What the...? Don't feel that you can't post! Heck, there are times I wake up in the middle of the night thinking "oh! now I know what to say...". My sister sends e-mails and blogs in the middle of the night!

    Quite often I just don't have the energy or I see responses that pretty much reflect what I'm thinking and I don't want to "gang up" on the person. Other times, it just hits a nerve reflecting my life and I can't get it to come out right.

    We (over the past month or so) have been going through the paces with difficult child 1 and 2, the dog died, I have to find an appropriate placement for difficult child 2 in the fall, difficult child 1 was having an adverse reaction to strattera, he was injured/abuse while being restrained in the crisis intervention room at school, husband is looking at gallbladder removal with only 3 mos. on the job, my carpal tunnel is now all the way up into my shoulders and the 2 lizards are "getting affectionate (or dancing if you ask difficult child 2)" and laying eggs.

    Sometimes life just gangs up on you! lol!

    Relax, we really do care, we just need a reminder to reply every once and a while!

    Hugs!
    Beth
     
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm going to add my dittos. Post away!

    There are many times that someone has already said what I'm thinking, and I (probably wrongly) take the lazy way out and don't repeat it. Actually, now that you say this, I should probably work on that myself.

    I know how you feel, tho. I can recall some down times in my life that I felt a twinge of disappointment because I didn't get a lot of responses to my posts. I tried to change my outlook, tho, and now if its not a specific question I'm asking for an answer to, I remind myself my post is "just to be heard". I see that people read it, and just that little change in my own expectations makes a difference.
     
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I know exactly how you feel. There are times that I am disappointed in the [lack of] responses I receive.

    But, then, there are other times when I am actually shocked that my post has resonated with others!

    I have posted and then gone back and deleted my posts and no one will even ask why. That can be disheartening, but....

    ....we all come to these forums with varying forms of our own 'stuff' and we all have days when we're simply not running on high and have nothing to offer. It fluctuates.

    Lately, I have a lot of my own personal health issues consuming my every thought and I am unable to really respond to some of the posts and, likewise, I reach out and can't help but feel that I'm either monopolizing the board or everyone is sick of my whining - :tongue:

    Try not to take it personally and if you feel moved to post, whatever it is, then just post!!

    I have found that the simple act of writing out my feelings and then hitting 'send' helps me to feel better, as if I've released those emotions and now they can't bother me as much. :peaceful:
     
  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Ditto Ditto Ditto.... I try to respond to EVERYONE... LOL
    but I have little kids... I have new pets, I have A therapist... and a husband...
    and sometimes I feel like I ramble... I do. Sometimes I just can't get the words out. Sometimes, the right words and thoughts come in the middle of the night!!! But where are they in the morning???
    Sometimes I feel like such a schmuck when I realize I am not responding enough... I try. Sometimes we all just have too much.
    But really do what you need. I find it is good for me to let it out here, because most of you do understand.
    And we do care.
    And we can all be schmucks at times... just remind us!!!
    Some people here just are thread magnets... they get replies like crazy!!! Maybe they give more? Maybe they write well. Maybe there topic hit a nerve, maybe they need some help. Maybe they are fragile??? Who knows?
    Just let us know you NEED something.
    At times if know one comments you can UP your post to move it back up to get people to see it... sometimes I will comment on my own thread...
    one of mine went almost a week... and then people started commenting on it???
    I was just sitting in the corner, thinking I had no friends. AND then whammo!!!
    Back in action!!!
    We have talked about this before here... try not to let it get to you... I truly do not think it is personal, the moderators are wonderful... and they are very helpful if you do have a problem!!!
     
  9. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Michele, Michele, Michele................
    What???? (Insert the Ellen DeGeneres version of what)
    Come on girl - we want to hear all about as many details as you can give us! The good, the bad, the ugly - we are here!!!:surprise:

    I, for one, had not seen you on lately, and was pleasantly surprised, and pleased that you had answered a couple of my posts. I hope I answered yours as well - but if not - please forgive me. There is no rhyme or reason, except my scattered brain being out of my personal jurisdiction lately.

    When I first came here, I was hesitant to post anything but factual responses to other people's problems. Then over months, literally, almost a year, I was finally able to open up. Best thing I ever did for my own personal growth. I took a chance that strangers might care. And they did! Maybe the caring was not oozing and dripping in every single post - but as a majority, a whole - this board cared.

    Now with the passing of my sister - this board has become my rock. My cyber friends are not just avatars, and words - but people, with names, and love, unconditional love.

    I hope you will reconsider - and that perhaps in retrospect, whatever was said or not said will diminish in it's importance.

    Many hugs.
     
  10. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    I'm one who doesn't post a whole lot, and sometimes I feel guilty for that so try a little harder to post. On a post or two I didn't get as many responses as I hoped, but the posts I did get helped me quite a bit. I know that sometimes I read posts, and the ones who have already posted said what I would have said so I don't post because I don't think I can add anything more. Will try post even if it's just to say I read this and I understand 'cause I've been there done that. I hope you continue to post things that you need to vent about, whatever you're comfortable with. Sometimes just writing it out helps with thought processes and working problems out on our own, whether people just read or not.
     
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I think Suz made good points...thoughts in my "head" as well.
    I would like to add some general ideas.

    I think when we reply to posts it is best to avoid being critical. To try to put "qualifiers" in responses. This might be using the words "in my opinion," or the way it worked in our family or give an example. Often times the entire story is not being told and one really can't say for sure what is best. Most of us have been through a lot and have "oversensitive" moments and don't need to feel judged or criticized.

    In addition, I think it probably is best to avoid putting overly personal info about our difficult children...one can "temper" things a little. You always have the option of deleting a few days a later as well. Remember, that these are your "cyber" friends. You might want to think of us as almost "adjunct" friends, 'cause I really can't think of another word to accurately describe this new phenomenon (sp?). Ideally, it is best to have real "live" family and friends as your first line of defense and the group here as back up. Be sure to ask specific questions and most people should be helpful and kind. If they are not...they probably have difficult child tendencies themselves that need to be addressed OR they are experiencing a bad moment.

    If you are really rushed, but it is a subject you know a good deal about...I don't think there is anything wrong with putting a short reply and perhaps saying..."I'm really rushing today, but wanted to say that I think it's a great idea that you...., etc."

    And, I do think it is a GREAT idea to comment on anything positive going on and to offer uplifting/encouraging support.

    This, in my humble opinion, are what friends are for! :redface:
     
  12. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Michele -

    Please don't feel as if you can't post when you feel you need to. It's why we're here. I know how it feels to put things out there and how insecure that makes one feel. Completely. But the people here really do care. Like Steely said, we're not just screen names and avatars - it's real, live people on the other side of the screen. This board has become like a family to me. (And much better than my 'real' family, too. Thankfully. ;) )

    I know I've posted so much about my physical stuff that at times I feel like it must seem I'm looking for sympathy or pity and that makes me feel insecure. I know I'm venting and am frustrated, but I worry about what others will think. And then I remind myself of all the support every member has given to others and how it's always been genuine. And I try to quash my own insecurity on the matter. If that makes any sense. If not, it's because my brain has shrank. :tongue: (I have a built in excuse! Na na na na!)

    It's hard to put yourself out there. But all of us need help and support from others at times. It's part of being human.

    (((hugs)))
     
  13. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Oh, I don't think you need to apologize!

    Sometimes? The simple act of posting ~ the getting my thoughts in coherent order ~ is so helpful to me that I reply to myself. :) Soon enough, one of the others of us will chime in and help me through those parts I just cannot see.

    I think that posting honestly about ourselves not only helps us, but may help someone else out there who is going through the same thing but does not have the time or the courage to post.

    This site has made all the difference in the world for me. I am glad you found it too, and I hope every one of us can take strength from the Board, whether we receive many replies, or none.

    Know that I wish you well, Michelle.

    Barbara
     
  14. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Maybe it was a case of not being on the right forum with that topic?

    And about the feelings of rejection when you don't feel you have had enough response, I remember feeling that a few times when I first started to post. And I think that was a factor - I was new, my problems were hard to describe because I'm in Australia, and the sort of problems I had seemed too easy to fix from a US perspective, but WERE in fact BIG problems because the way things were being done in our neck of the woods with Dept of Ed staff was, frankly, inappropriate. (I'd like to use stronger words).

    People were sympathetic but because my problems seemed so bizarre, surely all I needed was one simple answer?

    It can take a little time to know how to get the message across. Every online forum has a different agenda, and how we communicate with one another is a reflection of this.

    I've since learned to not take wrong response/lack of response personally.

    And another BIG reason it's less of a problem for me now - I'm far less intense, because thanks to this site I had the courage to make some unpopular decisions and am reaping the benefit - my need is lessened, I'm less desperate than I was.

    I think the more desperate you feel, the more you feel you MUST have some replies that can help, because you've tried everything else and are at your wits' end. But sometimes that very desperation is born of your own long-term fruitless efforts, and if you're half as good a Warrior Mum as any here, chances are there is very little left to recommend! You've already tried it all!

    So hang in there, because from where I stand you're far less insistent, far less 'emotionally needy' to the point of being a pain, than a great many people. I haven't seen anything from you that I would consider inappropriate. Far from it.

    Just remember, the more you take risks with your emotions with people you don't know well, the more vulnerable you feel and the more you can be hurt unwittingly.

    Some people sob and cry in public (church is notable) at the drop of a hat, but seem still capable of insulating themselves from that pain of being to exposed. They seem to thrive on drama because through dramatics they can extract some sympathy. Once loaded up their batteries with their latest supply of sympathy, they can continue to function apparently normally for a while, before the next crisis. Meanwhile others can be hurting intensely, but afraid to let it show because the slightest hint of sympathy will shatter their thin veneer of self-control. And then they feel resentful of the ones who seem to hog the limelight and attention.

    It's not balanced. It's not rational. And I think at some stage of our lives we all do it, and learn what works for us best.

    I do think that for those who have had some trauma in their lives, some can move on and some cannot. Some seem trapped in the memory of that trauma, failing to develop further and at times even resisting all efforts to heal and move on; because the trauma must be resolved.

    Michele, I don't see you like this. But I wonder if you see yourself like this, perhaps afraid to be an emotional burden?

    Hang in there, you will find what works for you. And if at any time you feel you haven't got the answer you need, then either post again and say so, or see if you can find another way to ask for the help.

    Another thought - this is a fairly specific site, although the support covers a wide spectrum. But if your problem is highly specific, you may need to find a more specific forum for THAT problem, see if it helps. Be careful though - I sometimes roam in other parts of the web and I'm appalled at how cruel people can be, apparently purely as personal entertainment. I haven't seen that here, thank goodness.

    I guess it's why I stick around! I hope you will too.

    Marg
     
  15. sandman3

    sandman3 New Member

    You know what? That's what this board is for! For you to have an outlet for your frustrations and stress that come from raising a difficult child and WE GET IT!!! Unlike so many of our family members and friends who have absolutely NO CLUE what it is like! If you need a shoulder to lean on, post it here....we're all busy and stressed and half nuts and pulling our hair out, but we are all linked together as a FAMILY of our own, doing the very best we can every day to make it to the next, whatever that may bring.....don't apologize for being you, we love you just the way you are!

    :welcomehome:
     
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Well I for one think you've just been WAY to needy. I mean you come here you post about your life, you get personal, you let us know how you feel, you say things that most of us NEVER EVER have gone through.....and

    Oh wait .....

    GIRL - ARE YOU SERIOUS??? HOLY TOLEDO! or in your case HOLY COLORADO - or HOLY ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH in a SKI lift. (author notes she can go up - but can not come down off any high or elevated surface without being blindfolded, darted and put into a box)

    YOU ARE FANTASTIC!! You're giving, caring, funny - (I get your humor) and you know I don't think any of us here are ever NOT having a bad day at one time or another. I think I live bad days and HAVE a good one every now and then. ~ It's how I roll. (down a hill like a snowball)

    And the board and it's members are sometimes too having bad days or problems beyond our control or maybe no one here DOES know how to get a fish hook out of a wombats forearm - but heck - all I can do is post and hope that someone knows about fishing, knows about wombats and on most days could find their own forearm.

    Also I think sometimes too there is finding the right forum to post in - and then if you're like me there's also having your silly little star headed ideas erased from cyber space because you suggest something in good faith with kind heart but didn't think it through. (OKAY YOU KNOW I AM TALKING ABOUT THE PEN PAL THING) lol. but......

    Don't EVER feel like the love of this board and the friendship of this community is not available for you. Post - take what you can, leave what you can and don't be afraid to post on ANY post - about what you think or need or feel. Our community isn't a carousel of all pretty ponies - we have a few naughty giraffes here too - and some are just those seats that don't do anything just go around and around - but while seemingly not as fun - very necessary to make it a complete ride.

    I am so sorry you feel lonely. been there done that and didn't like it ----well now somedays I do just want to be alone - like all alone - like end of the world only person alive alone - but that's not today - Today you get my hugs...

    HUGS
    Star
     
  17. ML

    ML Guest

    Gosh, I find myself wanting to apologize for my apology. I was having a bad day. My perception of reality was off and I was feeling alone and sorry for myself.

    I appreciate all that you've said to me. I never meant to make anyone feel bad about not responding more. I'm more guilty than anyone of not having enough time to provide consistent support.

    One thing I didn't know was that I can remove my own posts. That is way cool.

    You know, I agree that I need to have "real world" support but I don't have any right now. I'm transitioning into another phase of my life and I'm trying to find my equilibrium. There are a lot of good things happening, it's certainly not all bad. But I'm more alone than at any other time in my life. I am working on changing my perspective and grounding myself more in gratitude and appreciation for what I have rather than focusing on what I don't.

    Anyway, thank you for your patience with me.
     
  18. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I had to chuckle about you not knowing about editing/removing posts. Early on in my connection with this site (while still utterly paranoid about local education officials finding me on this site and realising I was venting about THEM!) I inadvertently included the name of difficult child 3's SCHOOL location, which would have been a big flag to anyone searching for my posts.

    I really needed advice on that one, and had to let that post die rather then respond. If only I had known how to edit!

    And you gave me another chuckle about "transitioning into another phase of my life and I'm trying to find my equilibrium" - it's what so many of our kids need help with too: task changing. Transition.

    So look at it this way - when you finally can see the light at the end of the tunnel (and know it is not an oncoming train) then you will have come though it all also armed with a clearer vision of how it is for your difficult child, when trying to cope with uncertainty and change.

    Life never stops giving us opportunity to learn.

    Hang in there, girl. Our patience with you is rewarded when you show patience with us.

    Marg
     
  19. mellie1961

    mellie1961 New Member

    Your signature quote drew me to deep sobbing tears. Wonderfully said.
     
  20. mellie1961

    mellie1961 New Member

    I am a real newcomer here, and I am so touched by everyones support to Michele. I am very happy to have found this site, and as soon as I figure out how to write something in the right space, I'll probably move all to tears, tears of boredom! My life is a messed up mess of a mess. Extremely bad day, I'm sick, daughter threw a fit about straighten up books and papers of hers that I picked up off the floor (50 mins screaming, then another 10 of throwing slamming and more screaming), had re resched her MH appointment because I am sick and she needed it, but I digress. Thanks to everyone for your love and caring. You'll see me around.
     
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