Pour some drama on me.....Fire me up....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Jun 5, 2010.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I received a rare call. I was pretty stunned, but glad to know he's okay. Well, so I thought. Apparently he got MRSA and is very sick. He was treated and released. They lanced golf-ball sized boils and packed them with something in 5 places. (exhale) HOW am I to know these things? This is just detachment at it's worst. Okay so I get over that and get another call 2 days later.

    I asked what was up, how he was feeling. He said very badly, and it didn't help that daughter punched him in the face after an argument they had. When I heard the words? I can't really explain to you the flash of things that went through my mind - but I replied simply "I'm really sorry that happened, but not surprised." The conversation revealed that always in front of daughter's friends - he acts macho, bravado and puts him down. When no one is around? He's conversational, decent and enjoys having Dude do things for him." I think this is psychopathic/bi-polarism at it's best, add in years of drug, alchohol abuse and voila - Unevitable danger waiting to happen.

    I was also told that upon being punched in the face, a fight ensued and daughter was beaten to a pulp. This in itself has (in my humble opinion) been a long time coming. However - now there is the absolute of retribution. That hasn't changed since I've known him - psychopaths are vindictive, maniuplative and I warned him - but of course young and dumb remains young and dumb.

    This is a person that needs to be put away for life. He should not be in society. I could NOT for the life of me understand WHY this kid would want ANYTHING to do with that world that we tried so hard to keep him from. Now? Now he doesn't want to be there, he wants to leave, he's said he is so sick of everyone there being on drugs and daughter swinging moods. (I'm not disagreeing, but not sure what to tell him) My thought is turn yourself in, but that and daughter behind you and enjoy your life when you get out. Make something of yourself...but if I suggest it? He'll do the opposite so right now? I'm just waiting for him to get disgusted enough and make his own move.

    Hopefully in the mean time daughter will leave him alone. I doubt it - I know him, I've told the boy - but I can't do much more than that.

    Just keep The Dude in your prayers or good thoughts please. Or if you have an extra angel to spare?

    Thanks - just needed to get that out. (therapy for my frazzled soul)
    Hugs & Love
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green


  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Glad to see you post, Starbie. Sorry that Dude is living the reality that you tried so hard to describe in order to protect him. It's heartbreaking.Advice? I have none...for a change, lol. I just honestly can't think of anything you can do now to help him move forward toward a near normal life. Maybe, just maybe, he will be able to see that you are no longer surrounded by chaos and that type of life is more desireable thanwhat he has chosen.Hugs and warm thoughts coming your way as always. DDD
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    SIGH!!!...wish I knew a thing in the world to say...but have said it all before.
  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Prayers for dude. Hopefully he will turn things around soon.
  6. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    OMG, Star! Are you sure that we weren't married to the same man? This all sounds so very familiar!

    I'm sorry I have no advice either, but I understand exactly where you're coming from! My ex is the same way about our son, and I am so glad they have no contact anymore! It wasn't too bad when he was little, but as he grew older his dad seemed to see him as kind of a rival. As he grew older, our son was taller, smarter and better looking then his father ever was - and he strongly resented him for it. The older he got the more his father resented him and had to keep trying to exert his authority over and over again! Throw in an already violent temper made worse by years of alcoholism and drug abuse ... you get the idea.

    Poor Dude seems to be caught between a rock and a hard place, and sadly he will have to find his own way out of this one, but I know how hard it is to have to stand there and just watch from a distance! Sending prayers for Dude that he makes the right decisions and sending many hugs for his mama.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Saying prayers for Dude, and sending hugs to you.
  8. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    What does daughter stand for?
    Why is Dude with- daughter?
    Dude has made some "unusual" decisions and keeps on making them.
    I do wish he could get out of harm's way.
    I agree, he'll have to figure out how to do this.
    It's unfortunate when others take advantage of our difficult children and even moreso when it is a relative.
    But, he is a young adult now....time for him to learn from his mistakes...learn that some in this world are not to be trusted and it is a sad truth.
    Prayers that wisdom comes to Dude and that an "extra angel" watches over him.
    As always...good thoughts/prayers for you as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  9. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I will defintely keep him in my thoughts and I will speak to some angels as well. I do hope he comes to his own realization fairly quickly before any other major episodes/violence happens!! I'm sorry that things keep heading in the direction they do.

    I'm so amazed, proud, and envious of you that you can hold back the way you are. Way to goooooo STARBIE BARBIE! :) I really am proud of you even though I know you must be hurting inside and chomping at the bit to react.
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

  11. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Oh Star my friend....I am so sorry for your hurting mommy heart. I had a visit today from the most brilliantly gorgeous Indigo Bunting. That's my mom, coming to let me know she's watching over me. So as you see, I do have an extra angel. She is coming your way with all her love and strength. The cool thing is? She's with Dude, too. As well as Baby J. That's the deal with angels :redface: They are everywhere, when we need them.

  12. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Oh my, Star! How very sad. I know what it's like to tell your difficult child something that is true and have them just go ahead and walk right into the fire. Sending prayers and angels.
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Thanks for your compassion everyone.

    Pony - How awesome - I haven't seen an Indigo in quite a while.....visions come not to polluted eyes.

    Donna - I didn't know you and your son had to live nae - survive the same things. I am so sorry. That must be why you are so blessed with little black and whites that adore you, and appreciate you. Thanks for sharing.

    Tia - I'm stuck somewhere between I am proud of myself too and would like to rip the head off of anyone that harms my son - it would seem however he's chosen to take care of himself. I think the call was a touchstone for some normalcy - I'm surprised he would consider me the normal spot in his life.

    D3 - Your thought? My prayer.

    Nomad - Daddy (Mickey Mouse world)

    KT, Mstang, Witz, DJ - EW - Thanks so much for your thoughts.

    Dashcat - Reality bites. Except this time I'm not there to stitch any wounds.

    I just pray it doesn't get worse than it is, but it could. Sigh - "calling all extra angels" :D Thank you everyone.
  14. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    A bit late to this. Sending in my Grannie, my guardian angel since she left my side at 12. She kept me from making worse difficult child-choices than I did growing up. She's joining the angel chorus looking out for Dude.
    I'm so very sorry...
  15. ML

    ML Guest

    I will share my angels with dude. My prayers continue to hold you both in loving care.
  16. Bean

    Bean Member

    Yikes, I'm sorry Star. (((hugs))) to you.
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Starbie ((((((hugs))))))

    Dude is always in my prayers as are you , my friend. I hope he gets disgusted enough quick to come home and turn himself in before any more harm can come to him.
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. It hurts to know your child is hurting and is in danger from a very dangerous person - that he lives with!

    You worked so dang hard to help Dude have a better life, and to teach him to cherish it and not go and pull this type of crud.

    Part of me really hopes this is not the kind of scam he tried to pull a while back. If it isn't a scam then maybe, just maybe, the entire situation will be enough to qualify as his bottom and he will really clean up his act. If it is a scam then he has learned more from daughter than you really want to know.

    Sadly, it sounds very real. He has NO idea how dangerous an addict can be when they are in revenge mode. Hopefully Dude will be able to escape and will choose to do what he must do re: the law.

    I have sent my angels to be with you, DF and difficult child.
  19. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sending in some more guardian angels for Dude and big GIANT hugs for you {{{{Star}}}}.

    I'm so sorry that he's stuck in the vortex of daughter's skewed world but so proud of you for letting him figure it out on his own - that's huge.
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2010
  20. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'm sending my Grandma - difficult child that she was, she was VERY protective - and Grandpa - Marine in WWII and nothing but NOTHING would hurt his family.