Poverty and extravagance. What a sad world.

[Nomad]

Sadly, if our mentally ill daughter didn't have SSD and didn't also have her dad as designated payee making sure she had a roof over head, she would very likely be homeless. Other than a need for more shelters and services for the homeless and the MI, I'm not sure I see the direct connection with expensive frivolous toys.....but it is sadly ironic.Years ago somehow it was decided to let families take care of their relatives who are MI, but we all know that rarely works out well. The institutes of years ago were often horrible. Instead of fixing them, they were abandoned. I can't "make" our adopted daughter see one hour ahead...no planning skills and no cause and affect reasoning. It is like some kind of nightmare. Thank goodness for SSD and that she accepts her dad as DP. These are blessings, but it is still a diff. Struggle. Although we are grateful for the aid that's available, it's ashame that more good help isn't provided for this population.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Annie, our son does the same thing.

Our daughter was homeless the winter before last. Temps in the thirty degree below zero range in the city she was homeless in. She called for us to pay for a hotel room for herself and the male she was with because a severe blizzard was forecast there.

We said no.

Neither of us slept that night.

The next night, she called again. Begging for just one night. Said her feet were blistered and maybe, freezing.

We said yes. One night. She immediately asked for two.

We learned she had been blackballed from even the dives in that city, and none of them would rent to her.

The finer hotels in that city did not have her blacklisted.

That is where she had asked us to rent the room for herself and her friend.

And the other friends too, I am sure.

We did not rent the room. Had the addicts all been partying in a nice hotel for the two or three nights of the blizzard...we would have been responsible for the damage.

It was very hard.

Cedar

 

[Nomad]

Not too long ago I met a woman who had taught her adult son to have empathy for the homeless. He was working as a waiter...but had bigger and better things in the works. He got off his shift and a homeless man asked him for money. He proceeded to give him sOme but the HL man was high and realized this guy was a waitir and would have tip money. The HL man killed her son. They found out in court the HL man was staying at a good shelter with room and board, but would beg all day for drug money. This mom has a diff idea today of the homeless. Just a sad mess.

Our daughter from time to time swears she is starving and depending on the circumstances, we might help. But I can see this escalating and further boundaries will need to be set. Today she called 11x because for some unknown reason wants us to buy her another cell phone. She has very basic phone/service. We said no and didn't answer any of her subsequent calls or texts.

Few understand how weird and sad this life is. My heart goes out to everyone here...I'm only a few steps behind you so to speak.

 

[Annie2007]

My homeless son called me today. Started out nice so knew he wanted money. Said he called to see how I was and tell his stepfather happy Father's Day. Said he got busy (?) and did not call. Last Friday he got his check for 400 that he gets monthly ( also gets 900 disability) and now he is asking me for money for food. Said he did not know where all the 400 went. Of course he got mad because I said I would not send him any and he could not believe I would not help him with food. I told him he only calls when he wants something. He said he only calls when "needs" something. So I had to hang up when he started with the "f" word. I can't even cry anymore. It will never stop. He is homeless 2300 miles away and I am really trying to detach. So very hard. But he is 33 years old. I need and appreciate all your input.


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[Annie2007]

Can someone tell me how to start a new thread?


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[recoveringenabler]

Annie,to start a new thread, go to the Parent Emertus forum, and in the upper right hand corner, click on start a new thread. You will need to title it and then write the text.

 

[Childofmine]

Oh Annie, I am sorry. I know how hard it is to have no knowledge of them at all. I hope you got your answer---he is alive, he is energetic enough to be mad, and thank God, he is 2300 miles away from you.

Take that knowledge, and rest. Our difficult children are usually the best survivors. They are going to survive. The question is, are we?

We have to take our energy and our talents and our caring and we need to turn all of that onto ourselves---instead of them.

Start tomorrow Annie, and do something really nice for yourself. Hugs to you.

 

[nlj]

Hi to all of us in kids-are-homeless-hell

You may remember that my son has been squatting in a derelict farmhouse.
Update from him texted yesterday:

"Bailiffs came today at 5. Fencing us in to evict us. Police on way, we're going to say the bailiffs are criminal as their paprework is bullshit. Text more when more."

so the drama continues.

 

[nlj]

Ha! Like the censored bit.
My son's whole life should be censored really.

 

[BusynMember]

My homeless son called me today. Started out nice so knew he wanted money. Said he called to see how I was and tell his stepfather happy Father's Day. Said he got busy (?) and did not call. Last Friday he got his check for 400 that he gets monthly ( also gets 900 disability) and now he is asking me for money for food. Said he did not know where all the 400 went. Of course he got mad because I said I would not send him any and he could not believe I would not help him with food. I told him he only calls when he wants something. He said he only calls when "needs" something. So I had to hang up when he started with the "f" word. I can't even cry anymore. It will never stop. He is homeless 2300 miles away and I am really trying to detach. So very hard. But he is 33 years old. I need and appreciate all your input.


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Why is he on disability? Does he have a caseworker to help him?

I have an autistic son who works, but also gets disability as his job will never be a self-supporting one. He is pretty self-sufficient, but knows he can't handle money and asked me to handle it for him...so I'm his guardian and payee. If your son actually got disability, he must have a reason. Can you share it? I know of resources for disabled young adults, BUT...and this is a big but...they have to be willing to take advantage of those resources. If so, they can live good, full lives.

I'm assuming that perhaps your son got involved with something bad though...our disabled adult kids can be vulnerable, like children...On the other hand, there is no reason to use the f bomb or abuse you...if my son did that, we would not feel as kindly toward him. I do have a kid who WILL use the f bomb, and he's not disabled at all.

 

[Annie2007]

He applied for disability several years ago and I believe it was because he has been diagnosed by several doctors with bipolar with psychotic tendencies. He got it very quickly but he has told me several times that it is his back. So I really do not know. He does not think for one minute he has a mental illness. It is everyone else that has problems. After our short conversation yesterday I got a text from him telling me to send a money gram and let him know the confirmation number. End of text. I did not respond.


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[Childofmine]

Oh Lucy. Please keep us informed on how YOU are doing with this new turn.

It never stays the same, does it? Some drama always from somewhere.

I hate drama.

 

[nlj]

Thanks for asking COM. Loads of stress. Story made the news here yesterday! Ongoing situation. Can't see any positive outcome at the moment. Exhausting. You can imagine how few hours sleep I managed to get last night.

 

[recoveringenabler]

I'm sorry Lucy. I'm reading along and sending hugs and warm wishes for serenity for you, in the midst of your sons latest drama...........

 

[helpangel]

thinking of you today Lucy, good use of censor's I usually use #@$! type stuff and everyone somehow knows what I mean.

Sometimes I wish difficult child's were like VHS tapes go back to where stuff went wrong and tape a new rest of the tape (redo) but then again you couldn't pay me enough to do medication trials over with these girls... not that much money on the planet!

sending you cyber hugs and positive energy

Nancy