POW/hostage, a Normal or weird Childhood games?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jennie, Jun 26, 2010.

  1. Jennie

    Jennie Guest

    Hello, I am new to the board as I have found this from google. I decided to google my curiousity and decided to post and ask you all. I have 3 kids, 2 sons and 1 daughter, one 12 and daughter and son 11. We live in an older house semi suburb/ country with an old basement door leading directly outside. Now that school is out, my kids are somewhat active in recreation baseball, little league other activities as well as playing with the neighbor hood kids. Lately they have been playing prisoner of war/hostage , POW, where have pretend to be prisoners and the other captors. The game itself seems alright but i wonder if it goes overboard at all. they pretend to lock the prisoners in the basement area and also have a pretend interrogation room. While they are loud and playful, i must stress in no way are they unconfortable. What got my attention though one day was when going downstairs to put some laundry in I see my daughter tied up to a basement pole as a "prisoner" I was a little shocked and first instinct was to untie her but she told me they were just playing and that she was a hostage. I realized they had used some rope in the basement workroom amongest many other "props" as they call it. I left it at that and as the game would go off and on in the next few days my sons were also tied up along with other neighborhood children. This is my question is this normal behavior to more or less be playing these type of hostage and tie up games? Like I said it appears everyone is ok and they agree to it. This seems really in depth and thought out as they pretend to use torture techniques, not for real, but to make them talk, such as pretend pain for the guys, and other things like tickling for the girls, as far as im aware they don't actually do it. So again my question is is this a normal thing, should i stop it, am i being too much of a nanny?

    One of the guys yesterday brought over extra rope to tie up more hostages, so that is what made me think even more and ultimatly google this. I found this message board based on some other posts.

    Thoughts?
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is somebody's father in the service? I don't think my fourteen year old even knows about these things...lol. To be honest, I don't think they're abnormal, but I'd make it a rule that nobody is allowed to be tied up. I would NOT want the boys to tickle the girls either. In fact, maybe I'd make the game off limits or only upstairs where you can watch. It will be interesting to see what others think. This one puzzles me. There's something about it that disturbs me, but I'm not sure what.

    I just told this to my fourteen year old daughter and she said, "No! That is NOT normal at all." So maybe it's not. She's a pretty typical kid.
     
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Where are they getting the ideas from? How old is the oldest neighborhood kid involved? I love the idea of neighborhood kids joining together in a game, however, I would put a rule on this one that NOONE gets tied up or locked in a room no matter if they agree to it or not. That can be very dangerous if the game changes subjects and someone forgets to go untie/unlock them. I also agree with no tickling. Their imaginations can include pretending to be tied if they wish. There may be atleast one who does not like it but for fear of ridicule from the others is going along with it. It could give the younger players nightmares that are confusing their parents? If the younger ones get scared, their explanations to their parents can cause you to be questioned as to why this is being allowed?

    I know if I went looking for one of my kids in the neighborhood and found them tied up, I would be scared. Have you talked to the other's parents? Are they aware of what is going on? I can imagine receiving an angry call from another parent, "My child is being tied up and you knew about it? What are you doing in your house?"

    I bring up the question about the oldest kid involved because if the idea is coming from an older teen, there may be some control issues to address - is this kid looking at "controlling" all the others by giving them these "fun" ideas?

    I guess I am on the fence with this one. I would want more info but also would keep a closer eye on everyone until I decide. First step, give out the rules of no tieing up, no locking, no tickling. Second step find out the source of the game - whose idea was it and where did they get that idea?

    It really could be an innocent game that just needs to have a few rule adjustments but you want to make sure.
     
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    P.S. If you put a stop to it, it may just continue in a different location. Talk to the other parents so all are aware.
     
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    O.K. - Updating my input. The more I think about this one, the more scary it seems. I think I would put an end to the game telling the participants that it is never o.k. to even pretend to hurt someone. If this has become the norm of their everyday play, I am wondering how they are starting to understand about torture? They are seeing it as a game not don't realize how serious it is?

    As I stated before, if you put an end to it, it may just move to another part of the neighborhood so all adults must be on alert to stop it.

    I would still investigate the source just to make sure there is nothing dangerous lurking in the kid's neighborhood resources.
     
  6. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I don't see it as much different than cowboys and indians that we used to play as kids. The only difference being, we didn't really tie anyone up. I would not allow anyone to be physically tied up, or locked in a room- they can use their imaginations as we did.
     
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    A few thoughts.

    First, who are the kids involved? Are there any computer games being played by any of these kids which have a Cold War theme? I know difficult child 3 plays a couple of computer games which are like this. I also know that kids often then act out scenes form these games, or make up their own scenarios based on themes or characters in these games. difficult child 3, for example, uses a favourite character as his code name or avatar in a number of forums. If we go bowling, for example, he will use tis same code name on the core sheet, like his own personally-chosen nickname.

    The problem with computer games (or any other kind of intense gaming) is when the lines between game and reality gets blurred. The problem isn't the game, it is that some people have much more difficulty making the distinction between fantasy & reality. At some level, all te kids will happily join in playing a game like tis - to a point. But ten for the other kids, the point at which the kids can say, "Enough!" can be difficult to define or determine.

    I think it is quite likely, if tis game is not primarily sourced form your own kids, that the other kids need some guidance in what is acceptable and what is not. Kids are not noted for their ability to consider all aspects of an issue, and can very easily "lose the plot".

    Think about the similar (at some level) situation of an adult couple who like to play bondage games in the bedroom. Before doing something like this they need to set up ground rules - some way of signalling when someone has had enough, wants to stop. There needs to be true freedom to say, "Enough!"

    Now with adults, we have that extra maturity that makes it possible to recognise, even in the heat of passion, when we have gone too far. We are more likely to consider the welfare of the other person, to maintain that link and consideration. But children o not have that experience and, moreover, are far more self-centred when their own amusement is concerned. It is too easy for a game like this to go bad. Especially the kid who is the main stimulus for this (and I believe it is one child above all others, a more controlling child too, possibly an older one but definitely the most influential one who is behind this). The degree of detail in tis game, such as needing to physically restrain the 'hostages' instead of pretending to, worries me. There is an unhealthy need to actually physically control and restrain and it could be the beginning of a sexual perversion. OK, a little play now and then is probably harmless. But if tis game is being played constantly, it is unhealthy.

    Also unhealthy is the tickling. It is just one more example of control and manipulation. It is bad for the girls to be made to endure this (to be made to believe that it is acceptable to have to endure this) and for the boys to think it's OK to do tis. Rape is not about sex, it is about control. It is about degradation. By enduring this kind of thing, the girls are being taught that it is OK to put up with this. That it is acceptable behaviour.

    Role play games are perfectly OK, including spy games like this, if at any time (such as when a parent calls, "Time to come in and wash for dinner!" the child can immediately stop the game and comply. If they want to play these games, each child can PRETEND to be tied up; can pretend to be tortured or to torture; but there should be no element of actual restraint of actual torment. And tickling can be torture for some people. It is unacceptable. Totally off-limits especially out of parental supervision. There should be nothing in the children's play that cannot be played out with a parent watching. If any of the children feel that having a parent watching would make them feel uncomfortable, then the game is wrong.

    An example here of the way kids can have a game get out of hand - a local game that mother in law has observed local children playing (about the same age as your children) involves kids taking turns at punching another kid, or being punched. The kid being punched is apparently a willing victim; they do it to see how many punches they can tolerate. That kid then gets the chance (or is required to) punch the next apparently willing victim. A kid who doesn't want to play is labelled a wimp and often becomes a target for bullying to varying levels.
    mother in law tried to intervene; she told the kids to stop. The kid punching said, "It's OK; he likes it, don't you Jim?"
    Jim nodded with a wide grin, but mother in law wasn't convinced. Jim had to agree, or be labelled a wimp. Privately the kids hate the game but the culture of it continues; failure to play the game labels you in the eyes of other kids. it is circular logic and bad logic; it is self-perpetuating and should not be allowed to continue, by toe adults in the vicinity (it happens as the kids are travelling to and from school on public transport).

    I saw similar behaviour when these same kids were younger. A kid who I knew to be a decent kid, the smart kid in the class and generally a really decent, caring kid began to hassle another boy and wrestle him tot he ground to take his backpack off him, then ran off with it. I made them stop and the aggressor said, "It's OK, we're only playing. He knows tat, don't you?"
    But although the other kid nodded, I could see he didn't like it. My young friend the aggressor was only acting out what had been done to him allegedly in the name of friendship and "playing a gam" - he didn't like it much either, but it was hat you do if you want to fit in.

    My young friend soon stopped this kind of game play when I told his parents, who handled it really ell and actually showed their son the psychology behind how tis kind of bullying is insidious.

    So, in short - this kind of game is unhealthy, because first it is hidden; second, they are acting it out a bit too realistically with actual physical restriction and torture (even to a token extent; it is still too far) and also because I suspect behind tis game is one main control freak who could be getting the beginning of some sexual jollies out of this and who needs to be brought back onto the right track and shown a bit of balance.

    When I was a kid, I got involved in other kids trying to play games like tis. There were various kids of my acquaintance who wanted to play controlling games and who didn't give me (or other kids) a choice. At the time I was terrified, but afterwards when I tried to complain, I was told that it was only a game, not meant to be taken seriously, and if I was scared by a game ten I shouldn't play it. Not much help when I was given no choice! One time a female friend and I were walking home from school and a neighbourhood kid and a couple of his friends dragged us into an abandoned house (already thoroughly vandalised - I remember a lot of broken glass) and locked us into the bathroom. THese were not kids we played with ever; the ringleader was a local bully we were all terrified of, he was bigger than the others and obviously giving the orders. I can't remember how we got out, I think my friend broke the window and climbed through it, then came round and unlocked the door. The boys were gone but we knew they would be back. At other times I was locked in a toilet block after Girl Scouts when a kid who was sent to make sure nobody was left inside, deliberately locked me in "as a joke" then reported back to the leader that the place was empty. Luckily for me, the door was weak and gave way. I would have been there for hours, possibly all night, if I hadn't been able to escape. Again, I was scared and angry, but the kid was not punished (other than a scolding) ad from the kid's point of view, I shouldn't have taken it so seriously.

    Kids in this situation are under a great deal of pressure to conform and to accept the game rules as imposed, or risk losing the respect and friendship of not only the other kdis involved, but the winder community. They don't yet know the rules for what is OK and what is not; games like tis are how they learn, and parents need to step in and reinforce when a game looks like overstepping the boundaries.

    So your instinct is right, put a stop to it. Ask them to change the game, or use more imagination and fewer props.

    Two rules I suggest you give to the kids:

    1) The game must include nothing that a parent would not be OK with (ie no secrecy permitted on he grounds of "my mother would be cross if she knew"); and

    2) All participants should have the freedom both physical and psychological to leave the gam at any instant they choose.

    Those rules also apply to life.

    Marg
     
  8. Jennie

    Jennie Guest

    Thank you for all of the responses. I agree with everyone, especially that the tying up and "torturing" torturing should stop, pretending is ok though and it should be in within an adult. I will pursue this further and keep you posted as i dig more into this.

    I want to try and respond to everything, first everyone said great advice. Marg, do you have a physchology degree? That was very interesting what you wrote? Midwestmom, you said you asked your fourteen year old daughter if this was normal and she said no, i think that makes sense. Do you by chance have sons? While both genders played in this mostly boys were involved, I dont know if that makes it a normal gender thing or not. For those who responded, please just ask your other kids if this is normal and just post a quick response as to what they said. I just wnat to know how many think it is unnormal.

    I am little confused about a sexual tone to this, how would that be? I do agree with what someone said about sex being about power not about sex, although i think it is a little of both. I have formed this opinion years ago in the earlier 90s about a case i saw on America's Most Wanted. To make a long story short, a woman was driving early in the morning runs out of gas, walks to a gas station but before she makes it is grabbed by a couple and rapped. Afterwards she was bound and gagged and later found hobbling near a road. I remember this somewhat well as this was scary at the time being younger (around 16 or 17 at the time) so that is true of it being about power, but i think it is about power sex if you know what i mean.

    But yes i agree with what was said about having a great game, i don't think any fathers or mothers are in the service, possibly cousins. It may be part of all of these video games, etc.

    As someone also said how is it different than cowboys and Indians, or even cops and robbers, my question is have kids always acted this way and the way information travels on the internet does it just seem that is happens more? These are just some thoughts. I did set down some of the ground rules and will keep a better watch, no tying up, locking, tickling. My daughter said that the tickling part came from an old Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles cartoon where hostages were tickling for information, still doesn't make it right. After doing a few more googling about excessive tickling, that makes me think of other things that I may post in the future.

    Thank God for the internet and being able to share information like this. I love having discussions like this to help make decisions better.

    Jennie
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have three sons ages 32, 31 and 17. None of them ever played tie-me-up-torture games. They all played videogames and still were never into that stuff. My 17 year old knows every videogame that exists and said there is none about torture or anything. I think it borders on a bit of sadism with the tying and tickling and I'd just tell them to cut it out.
     
  10. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I haven't read the responses to this for the record. But wanted to chime in.

    At first thought, I thought it wouldn't be a big deal if all the kids were wanting to play and there was nothing violent etc.

    Then I thought further wondering if it was my kids what I'd be really thinking. Especially with neighborhood kids playing.

    I woudn't allow it and I would casually mention to the parents of my childrens friends that I'm sure its all innocent but I'm not allowing it nor will I allow them to play it at other childrens homes.

    My thinking started turning to what if there is a child among them who has some major problems? That like it too much? Or that become desensitized to the idea of holding people "hostage"? Or what if one of these children find it arousing? It isn't likely they'd say anything if they were. But what if this was teaching them that they enjoy something like this more than just a kids game? It is probably unlikely but it isn't impossible. I just can think of dozens of other fun activities for a group of neighborhood friends to do together and have a great time.

    Do I think any of these kids are strange for playing this? Not at all. I think kids can be super creative and this doesn't need to be much different than playing cops and robbers, cops lock up the bad guys. But I just don't see how this game can't be replaced with a multitude of healthy games.
     
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I don't see it as much different than cowboys and indians that we used to play as kids. The only difference being, we didn't really tie anyone up. I would not allow anyone to be physically tied up, or locked in a room- they can use their imaginations as we did.

    I agree, and also, that it is not totally out in left field, because there are so many TV shows, movies and news articles about this. It's unfortunate that the kids don't "get it" in regard to how harmful it really is, but they are kids, after all.

    I would also wonder about the thought process.

    When we were kids, we were actually tied up, but I think it was more of a big brother/little sister bratty thing. My brother added a notch to our regular game of Capture the Flag or whatever it was, by tying me to a tree, with-my hands behind my back. Then he and the other kids forgot about me.
    I gnawed through the twine (the kind we used to tie our books ... am I aging myself) with-my teeth.

    I'm still p*ssed. :mad:

    No one would have interrogated me. I was very boring.

    You/I/we seem to know more about our kids than our parents knew about us. That's good and bad. Parents can worry themselves sick over nothing. Then again, they have to have an idea of what their kids are doing, who they're spending time with, and where they are. Catch-22 for sure.


     
  12. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello Jennie!

    Welcome to our group.

    I would vote for "normal" and would step back....unless it began to go too far or one kid become overly domineering with another. As far as where they are getting it? Well, the country is at war--and there is plenty of talk about torture and captives and that sort of thing. The recent Memorial Day festivities would have talked about POWs and such. Plus, American media is filled with images of war, hostages, torture. The first "Iron Man" movie had a pretty disturbing POW / torture sequence (JMHO--but still)....and there are plenty of others.

    So "Normal" and "Understandable"--but keep an eye and an ear on things...just in case.
     
  13. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I thnk it differs from cobs and robbers, cowboys and indians when it takes it one step futher to actually pretending to torture. That is the part that concerns me. That is too personal. No one should ever pretend to hurt someone.

    It is a releif to know that the source of tickling was from a cartoon and not from a much older teen or an adult introducing it as a way to play.

    As for computer games, I would think any computer game with this theme would be rated for much older kids - your kids and younger should not be spending times in that level of violence.

    Another suggestion is to have the "prison" and "interrogation room" set up near where you are working so it is easier for you to keep an eye on.

    I believe it is good for the neighborhood kids of various ages to join together in a common goal. They are learning teamwork and problem solving. It is a blessing to have friends within your neighborhood. Diva didn't have any kids in the area while she was growing up.
     
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is NOT a normal game. It has serious tones of power and control. When the girls are tickled as torture there IS a sexual tone to the game. MANY kids are tickled until the submit to various things, usually abuse. While tickling seems harmless on the surface, everyone reacts differently to it. I have an uncle who used to play "Tickle Monster" with me because I "looked so cute" when he did it. It HURT. The first few seconds it seemed like it was all in fun but NOTHING I could do would get him to stop. Not until the day I bit him hard enough to draw blood. My Gma was there and had told him several times to stop. As in many other things, he ignored her. When my mom came to pick me up she found all of us very upset. Gma was upset that Uncle would not stop, Uncle was FURIOUS that I bit him, and had tried to spank me (it was the early 70s and that was the usual punishment for a kid at that time, though NOT from my mother), and I was angry and hurt because he wouldn't stop and then tried to spank me. I didn't get spanked by him because I told him if he tried I would bite him again. Uncle and Gma were told that if he ever tickled me again it would be the last time he ever saw us, and if Gma allowed it she wouldn't be able to have us over with-o our parents there to supervise.

    Kids DO find creative ways to amuse themselves and each other, but pretending to torture anyone isn't fun. It just isn't. The game will change to the point that the same kid or kids will be the usual captors and others will be the usual victims. It does teach the kids that it is OK to make someone a victim. When kids play cowboys and indians they battle but are generally equals. With a POW game the players are NOT equal, simply cannot be. Kids learn by playing. That is why they play house, dolls, barbies, hot wheels, etc.. It is not okay for them to learn to be victims. This is what the game is doing. When they pretend to torture a prisoner they are learning to hurt another person.

    It MIGHT be different if they were not truly tying each other up. That completely puts the victim at their mercy. If the captor doesn't want to stop, or to let the victim go, there is virtually NOTHING the victim can do about it. This is just totally unsafe. What would happen if there was a fire or other emergency? The kids would likely not remember the tied up person or not realize that the person could not escape. It would not only put the victim in danger, it would put a fireman or other adult in great danger because they would have to go in and rescue the victim. While the odds of a problem like that happening are slim, it is still a risk.

    Have you spoken with other parents about this? You really MUST speak to ALL the parents. Let them know that the kids have been playing this, complete with tying people up and pretending to torture them. Let them know that you don't think it is healthy and are making them play something else. Ask that if the kids are at their home and are playing this game that either the parents stop the game or send your kids home.

    If I found out my kids were playing this at someone's house and the parents knew I would be furious. What would you have thought if you found out your child was at someone's house and got tied to a pole??

    The game is clearly escalating from an interesting idea to something more because a child brought over more rope so that more people could be tied up. It is not a good sign.
     
  15. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    The reality is that kids act out what adults are doing (movies, news, internet, in the home) - cowboys and indians, cops and robbers, and now POW. If we don't want our children acting out these games, then maybe the adults shouldn't be giving them ideas with their actions.

    I think some of the reactions are over the top. These are kids. Playing a game. Getting ideas from a cartoon. Keep an eye on it. Make sure no one is victimized (bullied). Make sure no one is actually tied up or locked in. Make sure every child knows that if one child doesn't want to play, that it stops. Other than that, it's just a game. It will get boring and they will find something else to play. Flashlight tag is fun.

    And to answer your question about whether I think it happens more? No. I think it happens less because there is more parent involvement, more planned activities, more sedentary games, etc. Which is why I think you're getting the "OMG that's horrible" responses. If these are otherwise good kids, just keep an eye out and don't make anything more of it than it is.

    For the record, I asked my 18 year old son if he thought it was weird. He thought it was weird that kids that age know so much about POW's and torture (and I agree), but knowing that they do and that they're not acting out real torture he doesn't think it's unusual.
     
  16. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Yes, that was sending alarm bells to me, too. The kid who 'thoughtfully' brought more rope is either the instigator, or well under the thumb of the instigator.

    No, I don't have a psychology degree, but I have studied child psychology as part or my teacher training. husband studied psychiatric as part of his uni studies. Plus I have kept up my reading and informal studies. In those studies I recall (film - I think from Stanford) an experiment where volunteers were divided into two teams - prisoners and guards. They became so institutionalised so fast (both groups adapting to their roles too realistically) that a lot of new information on the lower qualities of human nature were revealed. Guards became sadistic and abusive; prisoners became passive, resentful, disoriented and in a lot of cases damaged and had to be removed. I think it got stopped early.

    Another experiment you may have heard of - volunteers were told to give electric shocks to a 'victim' hidden behind a screen. The volunteers were ordered to do this or that, mostly with verbal justification for the level of shock to be given. Of course, no real shocks were given but the screams were realistically provided by actors. The horror was, volunteers would deliver the shocks even when they knew it was causing pain; in some cases, the volunteers pushed the dial past the known lethal level, because they were ordered to. Again, an outcome of this experiment was just how far we will go, merely to carry out an order. We abdicate thinking for ourselves when a controlling person takes over.

    How does this relate to the game play you describe? Well, the kids who are the ones tied up more are already in 'victim' mode and teaching our kid to be victims is not good. Now, if the roles are evenly reversed and all kid get equal time as victim and interrogator, tat is different. But I suspect that is not happening here. Again - you need to find this out. Is one kid always in control and playing the spy master, or person in control of the interrogation? And that kid is never the tied up spy? In which case, step in and point out that this is unfair, he has to experience both sides. You also need to be able to observe, even if you choose to not interfere. They ALL need to experience both sides, in order to continue to develop their own ideas of what is fair, what is right and what is appropriate.

    I also want to distinguish again between sex, and rape. Rape is the ultimate degradation and control of a person. By involving a sex act, it is designed more to degrade and dominate than to be a genuinely 'normal' sexual experience. However, an older child who is at some level beginning to be aware of and interested in sex could be getting some subtle 'kick' from such control games. Tickling is very much about sex and domination, when it is conducted by an older male on a younger female and especially if they don't stop when asked. Again, it is domination. The laughter of the victim does NOT imply compliance; however, the perpetrator often uses the victim's laughter as a justification and permission to continue tis behaviour. My close friend had concerns like this with her ex-h and their daughter; he would tickle her mercilessly, wouldn't stop. She was 5 years old and he already had a record as a rapist. He was violently abusive in the marriage and she says the best thing he ever did was walk out on them. She later discovered he had molested both kids (son, 3 and daughter, 5).

    A suggestion - if kids want to keep playing these games, and they can satisfy you that the games are fair (everyone gets equal time in all roles) and they still want to physically tie up one another, then use pantyhose. It is soft, it stretches, it is a reminder to role-players that "In this story, I am currently a prisoner" but if they need to release themselves, it stretches to release easily. It could be a compromise with the kids; if the game play began innocently but is beginning to get off track, this is a way to get it back on track. If it is NOT innocent, again requiring these changes will quickly show if one or more kids is dissatisfied with the downgrading of the game to something more acceptable. But again, it is likely that suggesting a change to either no tying up or using something soft and escapable will make some of the kids at least, happier. If you tell them as a group, then the stronger one (if this is a problem) will object and all the kids will echo this so as not to cause a confrontation or later ridicule. But if you suggest individually when you get each kid alone, you might get a different response.

    I also would have a quiet word with the other parents. Not in any alarmist way, just say, "Are you aware that the kids are playing this game? Do you have any idea where they thought of it? I'm at a bit of a loss."

    As for cowboys & indians and similar games - yes, kids have done this. But not with real weapons. We used to use stockings as ropes when I was a kid, but mostly if we used rope it was to tie it to a tree branch and make a swing. Some favourite games we played more than others, were generally 'fair' games, where all players got an equal time.

    Role playing games from my childhood that did NOT work because they were unfair, did not get played again much more. We used to play Samurai warriors (a very Aussie/Japanese thing from the TV series which you might not have had in the US). I remember getting beaten up by neighbourhood boys who got too enthusiastic when they labelled me a shadow ninja. I went home in a huff and they promised not to play Samurai with me again. Another friend wanted to play school, but only if she got to be teacher and I was student. She insisted on using a ruler to smack me on the fingers when she said I gave a wrong answer (she had no idea). So again, I stopped playing because I didn't like it. SHE went home in a huff!

    Unfair games don't get re-played, unless some regular player is exerting unfair and constant control. If that is happening it needs to be stopped.

    Marg
     
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Flashlight tag is fun.

    I love flashlight tag! It's fun for adults, too!
     
  18. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I have to say this sounds possibly dangerous; that it could get out of control. These children are of an age where hormones are beginning to kick in in a serious way. Additionally, there is lack of forethought with children of this age.

    I'd talk with parents of the neighborhood to put a stop to this game. It may be uncomfortable for your kids for a bit, but as a parent I would want to know about this game & put a stop to it. It strikes me as creepy, a whole lot controlling & somewhat scary for the child tied & being tickled(tortured in my humble opinion).

    I'd put a stop to it.
     
  19. Jennie

    Jennie Guest

    Thank you all for your thoughts. A quick update. I agree a little with what everyone has said and i think that it is something that it is fairly normal but something that must be ensured to not get out of hand. I think i have a slightly better understanding as I spoke with them and got a better understanding as how they play. The idea is that some people start out as hostages, others the captors and some of them out free to try and rescue the hostages. There is no locked room, but that is pretend. In addition to using the pole,a smaller tree was also used outside to tie up (hence the extra rope). The whole idea is to not escape. I think it would be better to pretend that as well but they explained that that proved to be more of a challenge, basically of two things to see if they could actually tie a good knot and if the other person could escape. The "torture" was pretend as well with the exception of a quick tickle with a feather. After asking again, then verifying through google, they got this from a villian Don Turtelli from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

    So it seems that maybe they have too much time in the summer on there hands, but still social interaction is good.

    This was asked before, no one directly has a parent in the service, possibly though an extended family member.

    As for one who mentioned to use pantyhose instead of rope, that is a better idea if they do insist on that. One thing I did say was cloth is to go into the mouth.

    As far as I am aware, they shall be over tomorrow, i will keep everyone posted.

    Thanks again
     
  20. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    ...and when they're done using pantyhose for this game, you can use it to stake the tomatoes in the garden!

    Marg
     
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