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Power struggles
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 753535" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Reading your posts reinforces that I made the right decisions not taking my adult sons in after the divorce. I dealt with much of what you mentioned Wise (but not the cutting) and it's exhausting. </p><p></p><p>The constant battle to try to get both adults sons to step up and be adults was a full-time job and never amounted to anything. All my begging, pleading, manipulating to try to get them motivated resulted in nothing for me.</p><p></p><p>The only person who finally changed was ME. It sure took me a long time! At first my changes felt selfish because I wasn't used to putting myself first, as we mothers often do. Even now, (though haven't spoken to Older Son in a few months) they are not happy with me. They were so used to me tolerating and giving in that they see me as the worst mother ever. It took a lot to convince myself they weren't right.</p><p></p><p>I do believe as someone mentioned, for your sanity, you need to set boundaries and ask yourself "what you want and need". Take care of you. Even if your daughter is done college in a few months that can be a very very long time to have to deal with behavior.</p><p></p><p>Is there any possibility she could go live with the friend and mother who smoke pot? Maybe she needs to see that grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 753535, member: 23405"] Reading your posts reinforces that I made the right decisions not taking my adult sons in after the divorce. I dealt with much of what you mentioned Wise (but not the cutting) and it's exhausting. The constant battle to try to get both adults sons to step up and be adults was a full-time job and never amounted to anything. All my begging, pleading, manipulating to try to get them motivated resulted in nothing for me. The only person who finally changed was ME. It sure took me a long time! At first my changes felt selfish because I wasn't used to putting myself first, as we mothers often do. Even now, (though haven't spoken to Older Son in a few months) they are not happy with me. They were so used to me tolerating and giving in that they see me as the worst mother ever. It took a lot to convince myself they weren't right. I do believe as someone mentioned, for your sanity, you need to set boundaries and ask yourself "what you want and need". Take care of you. Even if your daughter is done college in a few months that can be a very very long time to have to deal with behavior. Is there any possibility she could go live with the friend and mother who smoke pot? Maybe she needs to see that grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. [/QUOTE]
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