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Practial Advice for ODD
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 244839" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>It is so hard not to take those attacks personally. You need to stay as calm and as positive as you can. She likes to throw things when she is raging? Get a bag full of lightweight things such as small pillows, stuffed animals, ect., even a bag of plastic bags. When she starts raging hand her the bag and say, "Do you feel like throwing things? Here are some things you can throw. Can I help? (you can also throw things to join her)" Some people like to tear things apart when they are angry, for them, I would have a box of papers that can be shredded and let them at it.</p><p> </p><p>You can not solve anything during the rage. I know, I tried for many many years. I have a tendency to try to find solutions ASAP and you just can not during a rage. The person is so stuck on their frustration that nothing will help and everything will add fuel.</p><p> </p><p>Your daughter will be caught off guard that you are trying to help her through this instead of just stopping it cold turkey. We all know that saying, "Stop this behavior!" does not even come close to helping with a kid in full rage. You have to try to find a positive way of getting their attention. You need to send the message that you know they are hurting and that they do not want to behave as such. </p><p> </p><p>Try to turn the focus on how she is feeling instead of what she is doing. "I know you are very frustrated. What do you feel like doing? Do you feel like screaming? Go ahead! How can I help you? Would it help if I joined you? Can I scream also?" It will not work right away because you are both in a habit of focusing on her actions. She is using those actions to get your attention and you are using her actions to try to stop her behavior at that moment.</p><p> </p><p>I find that sometimes taking a deep breath and showing a calmness seemed to help to a point. difficult child is looking to a strength and as you start creating a new habit of showing that calmness and strength, she may just start a habit of responding to that instead of attacking.</p><p> </p><p>Almost always when my non-easy child diva was 10 years old (she was/is a difficult child also), there was nothing I could do during the rage, however, we could talk that night, "I was confused as to what happened earlier today. Why were you soooo angry over that? What can we do to prevent that anger next time?"</p><p> </p><p>So, I guess my advise is to stay as calm and strong as you can. Do not show anger or hopelessness - This too shall pass! "I know you are angry right now but I can not talk to you when you are this angry. I am not going to make any decisions while you are ranting and raving. When you are able to calm down, than I can figure out what you would like me to do." Focus on her feelings instead of the subject of her anger or her behavior during it and talk about it later when everyone has calmed down. That is the super hard part - how do you say something without your child thinking you are judgemental?</p><p> </p><p>Set some house rules regarding anger. 1. If you are angry, ask mom to talk to you. 2. If you are too angry to talk, go to your room until you calm down. ect. ect.</p><p> </p><p>10 year old girls still like to be read to. When non-easy child diva was 10 and going through an extremely ugly period of anger, I purchased a set of short books and read to her every night at bed time. Make a special time of the day for the two of you. Ours was bed time. For some it is morning at breakfast. Just 10 - 15 minutes each day to do something fun together or just talk about the day may help?</p><p> </p><p>It is also hard to stay positive and always find positive ways of asking something to be done. I know many people think I am way to lenient with my difficult child who had an ODD diagnosis last year. What looks like letting our kids of the hook for some people is just another way of dealing with a situation. Our kids do not respond to the average discipline that society would dole out. We know our kids struggle even if they are let off the hook. That they are facing a bigger struggle than just that incident the public sees.</p><p> </p><p>Follow your heart and if you believe a hug is more beneficial than a punishment, go for it! We know punishments often back fire for our difficult child's. If you get any grief from teachers, family members, whomever, you come tell us. We will support you because we do know what you are going through. Most of us have lived through it and many still are.</p><p></p><p>Welcome aboard. Oh yeah, we also know your child has her good days. Feel free to share those as they are everyone's hope as much as they are your sunshine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 244839, member: 5096"] It is so hard not to take those attacks personally. You need to stay as calm and as positive as you can. She likes to throw things when she is raging? Get a bag full of lightweight things such as small pillows, stuffed animals, ect., even a bag of plastic bags. When she starts raging hand her the bag and say, "Do you feel like throwing things? Here are some things you can throw. Can I help? (you can also throw things to join her)" Some people like to tear things apart when they are angry, for them, I would have a box of papers that can be shredded and let them at it. You can not solve anything during the rage. I know, I tried for many many years. I have a tendency to try to find solutions ASAP and you just can not during a rage. The person is so stuck on their frustration that nothing will help and everything will add fuel. Your daughter will be caught off guard that you are trying to help her through this instead of just stopping it cold turkey. We all know that saying, "Stop this behavior!" does not even come close to helping with a kid in full rage. You have to try to find a positive way of getting their attention. You need to send the message that you know they are hurting and that they do not want to behave as such. Try to turn the focus on how she is feeling instead of what she is doing. "I know you are very frustrated. What do you feel like doing? Do you feel like screaming? Go ahead! How can I help you? Would it help if I joined you? Can I scream also?" It will not work right away because you are both in a habit of focusing on her actions. She is using those actions to get your attention and you are using her actions to try to stop her behavior at that moment. I find that sometimes taking a deep breath and showing a calmness seemed to help to a point. difficult child is looking to a strength and as you start creating a new habit of showing that calmness and strength, she may just start a habit of responding to that instead of attacking. Almost always when my non-easy child diva was 10 years old (she was/is a difficult child also), there was nothing I could do during the rage, however, we could talk that night, "I was confused as to what happened earlier today. Why were you soooo angry over that? What can we do to prevent that anger next time?" So, I guess my advise is to stay as calm and strong as you can. Do not show anger or hopelessness - This too shall pass! "I know you are angry right now but I can not talk to you when you are this angry. I am not going to make any decisions while you are ranting and raving. When you are able to calm down, than I can figure out what you would like me to do." Focus on her feelings instead of the subject of her anger or her behavior during it and talk about it later when everyone has calmed down. That is the super hard part - how do you say something without your child thinking you are judgemental? Set some house rules regarding anger. 1. If you are angry, ask mom to talk to you. 2. If you are too angry to talk, go to your room until you calm down. ect. ect. 10 year old girls still like to be read to. When non-easy child diva was 10 and going through an extremely ugly period of anger, I purchased a set of short books and read to her every night at bed time. Make a special time of the day for the two of you. Ours was bed time. For some it is morning at breakfast. Just 10 - 15 minutes each day to do something fun together or just talk about the day may help? It is also hard to stay positive and always find positive ways of asking something to be done. I know many people think I am way to lenient with my difficult child who had an ODD diagnosis last year. What looks like letting our kids of the hook for some people is just another way of dealing with a situation. Our kids do not respond to the average discipline that society would dole out. We know our kids struggle even if they are let off the hook. That they are facing a bigger struggle than just that incident the public sees. Follow your heart and if you believe a hug is more beneficial than a punishment, go for it! We know punishments often back fire for our difficult child's. If you get any grief from teachers, family members, whomever, you come tell us. We will support you because we do know what you are going through. Most of us have lived through it and many still are. Welcome aboard. Oh yeah, we also know your child has her good days. Feel free to share those as they are everyone's hope as much as they are your sunshine. [/QUOTE]
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