Prayers of support for a friend with an unmarried, unmedicated, bipolar, pregnant difficult child

[gcvmom]

My friend S came to our board meeting last night and pulled me aside to tell me that her 22yo bipolar daughter, who consistently goes off her medications and just as consistently loses jobs because of that choice, and who has moved back home this past year because of her financial instability (as much as her psychiatric instability) just told her that she's pregnant by the guy she's been "hanging out with/dating" for the past six months or so. S's head is spinning at this point. And in the same breath, her difficult child told her that they were actually thinking of getting married this coming December, but hadn't told anyone yet (this was before she found out she was pregnant), so how about a September wedding, mom, before I start to really show?

So now S is starting preparations to host a September wedding at her home, with dress shopping to start this week. Thankfully, the boyfriend is gainfully employed as a cop nearby, owns a house, and seems to be 100% on board with all of it. He hasn't told his parents yet -- about the pregnancy OR the wedding -- and is waiting for them to get back in town from their vacation S and her husband gave the boyfriend all the NAMI handouts they have about bipolar, explained her problems with taking medications, how she'll REALLY need to go right back on them as soon as the baby is born (looks like a mid-March due date), and he's telling them he's fine with all of it.

I suggested they just wait until after the baby is born to worry about the wedding, but she said that would not fly with her family.

Fortunately, they are in a reasonably good financial position to pull all this off for their difficult child, but the stress of it doesn't go away just because you can swing the finances. So I'm asking for some postive thoughts, vibes, bead rattling, prayers of support from this wonderful source of power we all have here so that my dear S doesn't completely fall apart over the next few months.

P.S. Her difficult child immediately starting telling her "Mom, I want to get hair extensions for the wedding, and I want this and I want that," to which S replied, "Honey, this is what I can afford to do, and if you want anything extra, you need to talk to your husband-to-be about it." I think part of her is happy to have someone else take responsibility for this girl/woman, but I just hope the marriage sticks and she doesn't find her difficult child AND a grandbaby back on her doorstep in two years when the honeymoon is over.

 

[Hound dog]

Saying a prayer for her and her daughter. She's going to need all she can get as the hormones tend to really throw the bipolar out of whack.

You might also mention to mom that difficult child has a higher chance of post partum depression too.

 

[HaoZi]

If he's a cop I'd think if she goes off the deep end again he's got a far better chance of getting custody than most fathers. Hair extensions? Grow it. Otherwise, wish in one hand...

 

[Mattsmom277]

Sending good thoughts for this young woman and her baby to be.

 

[AnnieO]

Oh, hon... LOTS of good juju. What a mess!

And I'm glad your friend drew the line...

 

[TerryJ2]

Whew!
She's lucky to have you as a friend.
I'm glad she drew the line about the wedding expenses, too. Best of luck to all of them!

 

[hearts and roses]

Big hugs to the mom. I hope it all works out and thank God the difficult child-daughter has a mom she can count on. I hope the H to be is as reliable! Sending prayers and positive thoughts.

 

[seriously]

This must be a YOUNG cop to be willing to consider marrying a woman with bipolar who doesn't stay on her medications.

I can't imagine one here who'd been on street duty for more than a couple years who would be willing to do that. They've seen the carnage that can result from refusal to medicate serious mental illness. Our local PD has done an outstanding job educating it's cops (or at least the ones who are willing to listen) about mental illness and they even have a handful of specialists who can be called out to deal with crisis situations with mentally ill people. Since our county had to eliminate ALL emergency psychiatric beds, the cops and ER's have become the de facto emergency psychiatric services.

Of course, when you're "in love", most of your common sense flies out the window. I'm glad to hear that he was willing to take the brochures. Maybe he would be willing to go to visits to psychiatrist with wife-to-be to develop a plan for pro-actively treating her likely post-partum depression or mania???

I sure hope all goes well, that the baby is met with joy and perhaps provides the motivation his mother needs to take her own health in hand.

Blessings and rattling of beads for a successful wedding.+

 

[gcvmom]

I suspect he is fairly young, too. She IS a very vivacious and charming girl. And he probably hasn't been around long enough to see her true colors when she's having an episode. She won't seem so shiny when that eventually happens, I guarantee it.

But then, some guys in law enforcement have a huge need to take care of people, so maybe he gets this met with her. Maybe he thinks he can save her or "fix" her.

I have another friend who found out (after all these years) that she's bipolar. And she married a cop. The diagnosis hasn't really changed things much for them, except now she feels better and is probably a better partner now. But he fell in love with her before medications, and they had a family together, built a life. So I guess it happens. I'm just a bit jaded, I guess.

 

[DammitJanet]

I wish them all well. Maybe the baby will be a blessing and make her grow up some and actually take control back of her life now that she has a family to take care of. Look what happened with me.

 

[gcvmom]

We can certainly hope so, Janet!

It's so ironic -- the whole situation. Because her mom and I were talking about "what if..." a few months ago and that was one thing S was hoping wouldn't happen. Oh well, there are worse things than a baby. And a wedding. I just hope it all works out.

 

[DammitJanet]

Yeah G...there are a LOT worse things! Just ask us...lol.