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Praying for that day......
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 677264" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Hopeful, Thank you for your love and concern, I will be okay. Just was really shaken up by the menacing actions. It was awful and unacceptable.</p><p></p><p> You are right. Well, just the fact that I cannot leave valuables around in my home, without fearing</p><p>theft from my own adult child.</p><p> I broke my code with this one, I had resolved not to mention <em>help</em>, because of similar <em>lashing out</em>. It is as if I said, "Let's just cut off your arm." The idea is just so repulsive, for her to get help.</p><p>I think it is because deep down inside, they know they need help but the addiction is the force driving them. Help, is the <em>last thing they want. </em></p><p>Yes, I agree, time to go no contact. Actually, I have been no contact.</p><p>This incident just confirms that it is <em>what has to be</em>.</p><p>I will not be subjected to this.</p><p>My Hoku has had some contact with Tornado, my #3. She said she told her she needs to make amends for her actions towards me, Tornado responded with a stream of excuses and disgust.</p><p>So, it seems for now, I have no relationship with my two d cs and my grands.</p><p>It is, what it is. What can I do? The disrespect is intolerable.</p><p> This is good advice. Usually I do, but for some reason didn't that day. I will make it a habit. Thanks, Hopeful.</p><p></p><p>Yes, for sure triangulation. Hubs will do what he feels comfortable with. It is hard for all of us. He feels a necessity in letting her come over for a shower and a meal. I cannot deny him this. So, she will not come, when I am home. She has not come around too often. It is a compromise, but that is what we have to do sometimes.</p><p>If anything else happens, I will address it when the time comes.</p><p></p><p> I wish I could have control over this, but do not. It is his home, too.</p><p>So, for now, I will live with it, and see what happens.</p><p> I wholeheartedly agree. There is a sense of entitlement where our d cs are concerned. Like we are supposed to accept the mistreatment, and keep accepting it. WRONG.</p><p></p><p> C.D. is a Godsend. Heaven only knows I would much rather my two were living peaceable lives. I would love to <em>not have to post here. </em>It is twisted and irrational to think I have some benefit from my twos addiction, that the pain of it and need to post on a forum, elevates me. I am grateful to have this site, and have camaraderie with fellow warriors that have similar journeys, but I think we would all agree that it would be much better to have our d cs living healthy productive lives, then having "material" to write here about. No offense, I love all of you guys, but if my two were not using-hallelujah!</p><p>I know I would still visit, and encourage others.</p><p> That is probably true Hopeful. Because the ones that love them the most are willing to keep going with detachment and setting boundaries, with eyes wide open. It is the hardest thing to do to pull away from the enabling. We are not looking for the quick, fleeting fix, but towards long term solutions. We are learning that helping doesn't help; <em>this threatens the addicts using.</em> We are a threat to their greatest enjoyment, which is living for free, and doing whatever they want. Our insisting they cannot live at home and drug, is bad in their eyes. We know better. There is no greater love. It is hard and it hurts.</p><p></p><p> No harshness at all Hopeful, I do not take it that way. Thank you for sharing your heart-thoughts, it is good to see you posting. Keep posting and messaging me. We are going through such similar paths. I am grateful for your friendship and help. Do not let this wrench your heart, friend. I am okay. Just a bit shaken. What Rain did was demonstrate even more to me,<em> what I have to do. </em></p><p>I have to be strong and live my life, no matter what my two decide their course will be.</p><p>We have value, our lives matter. </p><p>This, unfortunately is their choice. </p><p>To live as they will, to the detriment of themselves, and others.</p><p>We are separate people from our d cs, </p><p>with very different values and ideologies of living a good life.</p><p></p><p>We cannot allow the consequences of their choices infect our living. </p><p>It is not right, fair, or acceptable. </p><p>We are the only ones who will draw that line.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 677264, member: 19522"] Hi Hopeful, Thank you for your love and concern, I will be okay. Just was really shaken up by the menacing actions. It was awful and unacceptable. You are right. Well, just the fact that I cannot leave valuables around in my home, without fearing theft from my own adult child. I broke my code with this one, I had resolved not to mention [I]help[/I], because of similar [I]lashing out[/I]. It is as if I said, "Let's just cut off your arm." The idea is just so repulsive, for her to get help. I think it is because deep down inside, they know they need help but the addiction is the force driving them. Help, is the [I]last thing they want. [/I] Yes, I agree, time to go no contact. Actually, I have been no contact. This incident just confirms that it is [I]what has to be[/I]. I will not be subjected to this. My Hoku has had some contact with Tornado, my #3. She said she told her she needs to make amends for her actions towards me, Tornado responded with a stream of excuses and disgust. So, it seems for now, I have no relationship with my two d cs and my grands. It is, what it is. What can I do? The disrespect is intolerable. This is good advice. Usually I do, but for some reason didn't that day. I will make it a habit. Thanks, Hopeful. Yes, for sure triangulation. Hubs will do what he feels comfortable with. It is hard for all of us. He feels a necessity in letting her come over for a shower and a meal. I cannot deny him this. So, she will not come, when I am home. She has not come around too often. It is a compromise, but that is what we have to do sometimes. If anything else happens, I will address it when the time comes. I wish I could have control over this, but do not. It is his home, too. So, for now, I will live with it, and see what happens. I wholeheartedly agree. There is a sense of entitlement where our d cs are concerned. Like we are supposed to accept the mistreatment, and keep accepting it. WRONG. C.D. is a Godsend. Heaven only knows I would much rather my two were living peaceable lives. I would love to [I]not have to post here. [/I]It is twisted and irrational to think I have some benefit from my twos addiction, that the pain of it and need to post on a forum, elevates me. I am grateful to have this site, and have camaraderie with fellow warriors that have similar journeys, but I think we would all agree that it would be much better to have our d cs living healthy productive lives, then having "material" to write here about. No offense, I love all of you guys, but if my two were not using-hallelujah! I know I would still visit, and encourage others. That is probably true Hopeful. Because the ones that love them the most are willing to keep going with detachment and setting boundaries, with eyes wide open. It is the hardest thing to do to pull away from the enabling. We are not looking for the quick, fleeting fix, but towards long term solutions. We are learning that helping doesn't help; [I]this threatens the addicts using.[/I] We are a threat to their greatest enjoyment, which is living for free, and doing whatever they want. Our insisting they cannot live at home and drug, is bad in their eyes. We know better. There is no greater love. It is hard and it hurts. No harshness at all Hopeful, I do not take it that way. Thank you for sharing your heart-thoughts, it is good to see you posting. Keep posting and messaging me. We are going through such similar paths. I am grateful for your friendship and help. Do not let this wrench your heart, friend. I am okay. Just a bit shaken. What Rain did was demonstrate even more to me,[I] what I have to do. [/I] I have to be strong and live my life, no matter what my two decide their course will be. We have value, our lives matter. This, unfortunately is their choice. To live as they will, to the detriment of themselves, and others. We are separate people from our d cs, with very different values and ideologies of living a good life. We cannot allow the consequences of their choices infect our living. It is not right, fair, or acceptable. We are the only ones who will draw that line. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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