pregnancy/labor source of issues?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Nancy423, Oct 25, 2008.

  1. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    Just wondering if anyone else has ideas that something during pregnancy or childbirth may have contributed to their difficult child's issues.

    When I was preggo with- difficult child I had edema at the end, the pregnancy rash and I was miserable pretty much from month 3 on. During labor (day after due date) they broke my water and not even a drop came out. I heard whispers but no one said anything was necessarily wrong. On pitocin, her heart rate dropped and after 16 hours of labor I was rushed to OR for c-sect.

    I've asked my new gyne, peds, and any other specialist if those issues may have contributed to her being "her". My instinct says there's a link. Anyone else think like that?
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey Nancy!

    Me personally? Nah. I had a lot of that stuff with difficult child 3 (I had 3 kids in 3 years - no multiples - unless you want to call them Multiple PITA's!) and she's actually pretty put together. Her only real issue is that she's got very high anxiety levels due to a lot of the meltdowns that difficult child 1 goes through.

    They know at her school if difficult child 1 had a bad day because of her resulting behavior!

    I think it's natural to try and figure out where a lot of this stuff started.

    Me? I'm sort of in the middle. I believe that there's a tendency on a gene or chromosome somewhere and a variety of environmental factors "activate" the troubles.

    For what THAT'S worth! That and 2 bucks'll get me on a subway!

    Have a good night!

  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi Nancy and Welcome to our site. Glad you found us, but sorry you need us!

    I spent several years wondering about that same issue. I was told at 19 I couldn't get preg because health issues. That it simply would be impossible, unless fertility treatments changed radically. So when I got preg at 21 it didn't occur to me or my mom or my SO (we are now married, but were not at the time) that what was going on was pregnancy. I learned I was preggo at 16 weeks!!!! I was thrilled, but also terrified that something I had done would cause problems with my baby.

    And, that child is my difficult child.

    BUT it was far and away my easiest pregnancy. With Jess I was under tremendous amounts of stress and she had the cord around her neck, didn't breathe right away, had a bowel movement during labor, etc..... She is my easy child, quite literally. Great temperament, sweet as all get out, her problems are health related and/or due to PTSD from her older bro abusing her.

    My youngest, thank you, was a really bad pregnancy and labor. Preterm labor, bed rest, morning sickness for the entire time, ALL day long (lost over 20 pounds in the first 4 months!) etc.... The labor was a nightmare, but no c-section. thank you has sensory integration disorder, but is smart, funny, sweet and a great kid. (all the kids are great kids, but thank you has a special sweetness in his makeup that is just amazing)

    anyway, I decided to look at the issue with the perspective that I did the best I could, given the circumstances and things that were going on during each pregnancy. There is no way to go and change what happened, so I moved on to address things I CAN change to help my kids, and not beat myself up over problems with the pregnancies that could have caused problems. (Did I say that clearly?)

    while events during each pregnancy were NOT ideal, husband and I did the very best we could, and if problems now arise from a pregnancy there is simply NOTHING we can do to fix them. So we work with what we have, do the best we can with what we have NOW, and try to be good to ourselves and each other.

    I hope that made sense! Welcome again,

  4. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I have wondered the same.

    With easy child I was never sick a day. If it wasn't for the big belly I would of never known I was pregnant.

    Twelve years later - different father - I barfed my guts out every single day. They told me it would stop after 3 months. It lasted the entire pregnancy.

    Born 9 days prior to due date, I was bleeding for a few days prior. Labor was very fast. By the time I was all checked in, put in room...water broke, baby within 15 minutes or so.

    While I was laying there I felt so sick. Told the doctor I was going to get sick. His reply was: "well turn your head...we're having a baby down here".

    Just a completely different experience than with easy child.

    Also had a miscarriage prior to difficult child. I was sick every day then too.

    THEN...difficult child had colic - how horrible. Had to walk and walk and walk around the house. The minute you go to lay him down he would start screaming again. I remember shutting all the windows so neighbors wouldn't hear. I remember calling the doctor and just saying "MAKE HIM STOP". Again I was told 3 months and it will end. FIVE months later he was still screaming. Now with high fevers and ear infections. After continuous ear infections even while on antibiotic treatment he had tubes in his ears at 9 months. I was told he had lost 30 or 40% of hearing and tubes fixed that. Then walking pnuemonia. Ever see how they take chest xrays of babies?? they tie their arms up above their heads and strap them down!

    So...difficult child cried, very loudly for his entire FIRST year.
    Lasted edited by : Oct 26, 2008
  5. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    I often wonder myself--my difficult child was in some distress during labor--cord was wrapped around her neck. Then, she was born with a 3rd kidney that wasn't working right and her 1st 6 months were spent being sick and hospitalized (til they figured out what was wrong) and then a surgery at 6 months old. I figure she had a lot of pain and for a baby it would feel the same as being abused. She certainly acts and has acted all her life like she was an abused kid.

    Great thread!

  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    No, I tend to think of it as more genetic than circumstancial, although both can contribute.
    My m-i-l had a rough time with-my b-i-l (her son) and he was born with-the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and wrist. The hand never developed. But he went on to get a Ph.D in biz and he's a very successful computer scientist and bizman.

    on the other hand, my difficult child's bmom had no problems with-her pregnancy, in fact, had lunch with-us at Olive Garden when she was in early labor, and when she delivered 5 days later, he came out on the second push. Teenagers! Ha!

    That's my 2 cents worth. :)
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    When I was 7 months pregnant with M, L's dad and stepmom pulled their dirtiest trick on me. (Remember, he was a lawyer in private practice, and she was an assistant DA working in the child welfare section.) SM made a report that I had molested L. This was in the heyday of false accusations of ritual abuse. SM was the driving force, and L's dad to this day acts as though he was on the South Pole the entire time and had no idea of what was happening. SM knew that the result of making a report would be that CPS would tell them to discontinue visitations with me.

    I don't know that any exptectant mother could have been as depressed as I was. It wasn't until M was three months old that I was able to see L again, and then for one year only under the supervision of my parents. I had to represent myself in family court, the result of which was that their hand picked judge (in a civil court where the burden of proof is "preponderance of the evidence", not "beyond a reasonable doubt") said "Well, there's no evidence, but if the step mom says so, it must be true. She's an attorney and would never lie in court."

    L's dad suspected that I would walk away if I had to be under my father's supervision three times a week, but I didn't. Did the stress itself do anything to M in utero? I don't know. I know it made me a far less capable parent.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I wonder how much of Miss KT's antics are genetically enhanced, so to speak, and how much can be attributed to pregnancy/birth.

    Useless Boy was useless throughout my pregnancy, although we were living together. I had no morning sickness, but at about five months along I developed an ulcer, and was put on Tagamet. Miss KT was eleven days late, and they tried to induce labor, but when Miss KT's heart rate went down, it was emergency C-section time.

    I wish there was a little chart somewhere that could tell me something like...50% of her issues are because her father is useless, 15% are caused by the decreased heart rate, and the remainder is just typical teen.
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Hi and welcome!! :)

    In answer to your question, no I never looked at it that way actually, never even wondered.

    I personally had a great pregnancy and a great, fast delivery with difficult child. My first was a similar situation to yours with your child. I was in hard labor for 4 days left in hospital on poitcin drip and he had to break water, she was under stress, heart rate fell she swallowed maconium (can't spell), and was rushed out straight after delivery to be checked.

    My difficult child quick labor, most of it at home, was super hyper all through my pregnancy she never slept kicked i think even bit me all day and night for most of the last 4 mos. :) lol

    Then delivery was sudden, she literally almost flew out. i went from 7cm when i got to the hospital to 10 within minutes.

    When I look at my ex, me, our families on both sides I know it's all about the genetics!!

    I can't blame you for thinking that way though, I think we all at times try to figure out the "whys" of it all.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I too had thought at one time that it "may" have contributed to Dudes behavior - why not? I considered EVERYTHING else - including microwave use, x's drug use, stress and abuse during pregnancy, and when he was being born I too had a hard labor - and even Dudes heart stopped. I was already prepped for surgery - but had to be cut without any anesthesia. It was very painful. I was given medicine WHILE he was being born, and was awake all of 2 minutes after he was born but began going into shock, got something for it all and woke up that night with stitches and staples.

    After years of torturing myself I have come to the conclusion that not only myself but millions of mothers now and before me ALSO had no clue what causes difficult child behavior and if (big AND IF) the medical world found out that there was a one pill cure for this behavior? Would they even give it out or do they like making the big bucks on ALL the medications we try?

    My best conspiracy and gut tells me that something, maybe on the crops, in the way food was grown, harvested - something in our water maybe is the cause. I was SO SO careful with Dude and exercising and eating - it couldn't possibly have been that? But I cant find anything else out and maybe I stopped years ago trying to figure out the why of my past with him, and put my energies (as best I could) into the future of him. Make sense? I can't fix either the past or the present - but hopefully my prevention efforts in sowing "seeds" will come to fruition in Dude's future.

    Hugs - I hear ya - really I do.
  11. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    When we first learned that easy child T had global developmental delays, I blamed myself. I had a horrible pregnancy with her, threw up so much that I busted blood vessels in my throat, was in the hospital every couple of days getting IV's to rehydrate me, fell at 20 weeks and started having contractions then, went on partial bedrest until 30 weeks, when I went into full blown labor. They managed to stop the labor at 7 CM. They put me on Terbutaline to stop the contractions, 5 mg every 3 hours for the next 7 weeks. Was on total bedrest until 38 weeks when they had to induce me because I had so much of the medicine in my system that I would not go into labor on my own. She had horrible reflux, had an upper GI at 6 weeks, and quit breathing 6 times before she was 6 weeks old. The last time she quit breathing she was blue when we found her. She was on Propulsid and Zantac until she was a year old. The Propulsid has since been the cause of a class action lawsuit.

    She is mildly retarded, but not from any of that, as far as we can tell. The apnea spells did not cause any brain damage. After she had surgery for her Arnold Chiari Malformation in September of 2004, in the next year she gained 3 years of skills. She is still delayed, she will never be a "perfect child". She does not have the problems that difficult children so though.

    My difficult children... my oldest I had a good pregnancy, except he was born at 34 weeks. I was 18 when he was born. My youngest difficult child, I was 29 when he was born, and my pregnancy with him was good also except that he quit gaining weight at 30 weeks. I had twice weekly non stress tests for the remainder of the pregnancy. The doctors were very worried about him, told me to expect breathing problems, and other things. He was born c-section, and came out screaming at 5 lbs 11 oz. He had reflux and was on Reglan and Zantac for a year.

    I never drank, or did drugs while I was pregnant with any of my kids. I did smoke with all 4 pregnancies. I'm trying to quit now for this pregnancy, just because I know it is better for me and the baby. I ate right, did everything I was supposed to, except quit smoking.

    My boys are my difficult children. My girls are my PCs. I had preterm labor with 1 boy and 1 girl. My only true problem free pregnancy was easy child S, and she was breech, and I had to have a c-section with her. I do think that all the Terbutaline I had to take when I was pregnant with easy child T has something to do with her problems. I also see that my youngest difficult child is alot like his father was at that age. His father still has rage blackouts. He also uses violence when he is angry, but his is directed at things, not people. difficult child has never seen his father angry like that, so it had to be something he inherited from his dad.

    I know I didn't answer your question, but I wanted to tell you what I've been through personally with my kids.

  12. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    Thanks for relaying your stories and experiences. Yeah, I am looking at the NOW instead of dwelling on THEN, but I can't seem to stop that question from popping in my head every once in a while.:slap:
  13. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Nancy-My thoughts have often turned to that question but then I realize that in my case I couldn't have done anything different and so therefore it was NOT my fault.

    My ds was born at 34wks. He was an emergency C-section because of a heart condition that they found during a routine checkup on me. His poor little heart was beating so fast it could've exploded. They rushed me (actually I walked because it was quicker) over to the hospital next door. I was in the hospital for a week trying to get his heart under control. They tried oral, and intravenous drugs to me and a shot in utero to him. His heart rate would go down but not STAY down.

    So finally they decided they had to deliver. They gave me the shot to develop his lungs and Monday morn that was that. His APGAR was extremely low. He was rushed to NICU and his heart stopped twice-once on purpose once not. So of course he had medications and breathing help and the works. He stayed in the NICU for 3 wks and actually went home before his due date. He had a relatively normal childhood after that. I do think the oxygen and help that he received may have contributed to his learning problems. But then again, I'm not sure he would be around to worry about that question had we not had the option of a great level 3 NICU very near us. So I am thankful and I will deal with what I have. A wonderful difficult child!

    by the way, my easy child was born 3 wks early. I had pre-eclampsia. She does not exhibit any problems other than having a difficult child for a brother! LOL!
  14. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Amen to that!