Pregnancy Scare - Update

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by hearts and roses, Oct 3, 2007.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    difficult child is NOT pregnant. She took a test at PP and learned that she is not pregnant, much to our relief. Thank God. The clinic thinks difficult child missed her period due to stress and nerves and possibly because she messed up her pill. They told her to stop her pill and wait to get her period before starting another packet. They said if she does not get it by near the end of October, to go back in for a pelvic exam. difficult child and I discussed a different forms of BC. I am strongly encouraging the IUD for her. I told her to do some research on IUD, Norplant, and Nuva ring. She does smoke, so that's a consideration. But she never remembers to take her pill, so something like those would be easier and better I think in regards to pregnancy. She would still need to use a condom, obviously, but at least we have the other covered. She's open to it now.

    Afterwards we hit some favorite places, took a ride, talked A LOT about her life, our roles, etc. Met up with exh, went out to dinner and then went for a walk on the beach and talked some more. Later, difficult child and I slept over a friend of mine's house, talked some more, laughed some, listened to music. We had a nice visit. This morning, difficult child and I went to breakfast and I dropped her off at her dad's.

    She hates being there, ironically, for many of the same reasons I left him. lol. She admitted that she thought it would be funner and easier, but it's not. She said she prefers to be there short term, like holidays and vacations. She of course, wants to come home in a major way. She cited some really good reasons why she hates it there. She also said she realizes why things were bad here at home towards the end (her thinking she knew it all, that we were mean, typical teen junk). And she said that she's learned a lot in these past few weeks (*almost 4) and that she is ready to begin being more responsible and living like a normal person.

    Well, at this point, I want to wait at least until after she is 18 (just under 2 weeks) for a few reasons. I will admit that I miss her like crazy, but my mom only left on Sunday and I could really use the REAL break this will provide for H and me. Plus, there are stipulations if she comes home and although she has agreed to them, I never know what the reality will be and I need a break first. The other BIGGER thing is her dad. He likes having her there. He bought her a new bed and he's getting used to being around another person after 15 years of living alone. It's big for him. I think he would be very hurt and upset if she left too soon. And angry with me if I were to step in at this point and whisk her off to home, Know what I mean?? So, I told difficult child that she can behave as the young adult she believes herself to be and have a discussion with dad and see what he says about it. Afterwards, he can call me, but exh and I had a deal and I'm not going to break it. She was very nervous about talking with him and telling him she wants to leave his house (I use that term very generously). She actully said, "Mom, I am nervous to talk to dad about stuff because I don't really feel like I know him. I mean, I KNOW him, but I feel almost like he's a stranger because I've never lived with him before and this is weird and I don't want to hurt his feelings."

    on the other hand, all she does there is sit in front of the computer and chat with friends and surf the net all day and then at night after her dad gets home. He did say he was going to agressively try to take her around so she could get a job and I am not sure that has happened. He said she applied "everywhere" and no one is calling. Since she lost her license for this month, she has no way of getting out to a job anyway as he works all over the place so he'd not always be available to drive her - his house is far from the stores. She's very isolated and is basically a prisoner there - a feeling which has not escaped her. Haha. Her friends do call her and she talks with at least one a day and also on line. But otherwise, her only local relatives are all in their 40's and work full time all day. I told her to go for a walk daily with her dad's dog to at least get outside. She said she had been. And I also told her to call her cousins who live about 30 minutes away and make plans with them - maybe they can come get her and they could go grab some lunch or something. I don't know.

    She has asked to go to exh's house for a few years now and she got what she wants, but she said last night that she realizes the grass is not always greener on the other side...that it's nothing like she thought it would be. She said that while she knows he is her 'dad' he doesn't feel like her dad...that my H feels more like her dad than anyone. Funny, huh? The very same man she hated and picked apart to pieces 3 weeks ago, the man she blamed everything for (my divorce, etc). Funny how a little taste of 'the other side' will change your perspectives, huh? Then there is this one other thing: The house that occupies the same piece of land as exh has tenants who are raging alcoholics who routinely argue and get very loud about it. And there is another hovel on the property which houses a young single guy. That house is DIRECTLY beside exh's and I worry if that young guy knows difficult child is there all alone all the time. Wouldn't you?

    I want her home and and to get a job here - as long as she follows the rules of our home, which she said she will do. I suppose exh will call me later after thier little chat and we'll have a chat of our own. Oy - nothing is ever really easy, but I sure am glad that test came back negative!

    Thank you all so soooooo much for all your support, advice, words of comfort, sharing your stories and prayers. I appreciate it more than words can say.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I am so doing the happy dance for both you and difficult child!!!! :dance: I know that neg preg test has got to be a huge relief to both of you.

    I wouldn't be in a huge hurry to wisk difficult child back home. Like you said, you and husband need the break. And difficult child needs to learn that just because she changed her mind, the whole family isn't necessarily gonna bend over to make her happier. Personally, I'd let her stew a bit more. Seems she's learning alot of appreciation while there. Hopefully it sticks. If it's super easy to come back home, it might not stick as well.

    I didn't need to go live with my bio dad to know that the step dad who raised me was my Daddy of my heart. But it's nice that she appreciates the relationship they have now.

    Before she comes back, make sure you've got your "adult rules" in order. Cuz even typical teen tend to push the limits shortly after turning 18 just to see what parents will put up with.

    Glad you two were able to have such a great Mom/daughter visit. :flower:

  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I completely agree.

    I'm so glad to hear the test was negative. I'm sure you felt a world of relief.
  4. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I also agree with Lisa and Heather - I would let her stay at her father's a bit longer. Just as Lisa said, you need the break and difficult child needs to learn greater appreciation for all that she has when she lives with you and husband.

    As far as her not being pregnant - I"M SO HAPPY FOR HER!!! Things really did turn out for the best.

    Hopefully, this scare will be a valuable learning experience for her. I'm very glad that she feels comfortable enough to talk about birth control with you. You should be very proud of her. It sounds like she is beginning to mature.

    Thanks for the great update. WFEN
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    :bravo: :smile: Thank goodness!! :smile: :bravo:

  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow. Good news on all fronts!

    I agree, I wouldn't take her back right away ... she has some more growing to do ... she will backslide when she moves back with-you. It's just human nature.

    I'm celebrating for you! (Or is that with you? :smile: )
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader


    With me!

    I am so relieved. H is relieved. And difficult child practically screamed out in exultation!! I'm too young to be a grammy. lol.

    As far as coming home, I'm not eager for that just yet. I miss her, yes. But I think H and I will enjoy this little while that we have to be alone. And difficult child absolutely will fall back into her routine without constant 'checking' and I don't want to resume that role in her life. I don't mind reminding her about her medications, but I don't want to be on 'watch' all the time. And we talked all about that. The difference will be a couple of things. The first is that she will be 18, she will have to have a job, she will have to pay us for her car insurance. I will have to let go a little, I will have to stop my urge to dogwatch her all the time. I will also be allowed to state up front what my expectations are if she lives in our home and expect nothing less. But I cannot micromanage her and I cannot treat her as if she were a kid. I'd love to see us gradually move to a place where we can all live as....adults? Not sure if that's the right word, but I know what I mean. Basically, we live as a family, but we all own up to our own responsibilities, etc. But again, I'm not in any rush to get her home. I bet she gets her period within a day or so now! The stress of not knowing about where she stands...I don't know, but I'm guessing that now that we've had our talks she may chill a little bit and start her period.

    Man, I am tired - all that driving. It was nice to be on LI, visit the beach and pick out a few stones. Food is always good. I wouldn't want to live there, but it sure is nice to visit.
  8. blb

    blb New Member

    Doin' that happy :dance: over difficult child not being preggo!

    Glad to see difficult child is getting a glimpse of a different life, one without you there to help her--hopefully long term it will change her perspective. :hypnosis: :smile:
  9. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    What a relief!
    Glad to hear the good news.

  10. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I'm so glad to hear it's a false alarm. I hope she really learns to be careful now.
  11. Indianamomof4

    Indianamomof4 New Member

    Gosh, I have been there myself recently, and am relieved that it was false too. I hope she learns a really good lesson from this; I know I did!! :smile:
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    indianamomof4 - hugs and thank goodness!!! I am making sure that difficult child is on a more reliable form of BC - she isn't responsible enough to remember to take the pill everyday, so we're looking into something else for her. I really like the idea of the IUD but I'm not sure if her gyn will agree.
  13. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    JoG, is that the copper insert? I have heard about it. It stays for 5 years, I think.
  14. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader


    Yes, and today's IUD is Much much safer than it was way back in the 70's and 80's! Heck, they even banned them for a while there. The newer up to date ones can stay in for 5 years at a time. If she sticks with it, she will be 23 when it is removed. *Hopefully* by then she will be on much more solid footing.