Pretty sad the things we get grateful for...

[Mrs.McNear51]

Oh Tammy, I am so sorry he continues this behavior. Lots of hugs for you and even more prayers, my dear friend. All you can do, is be good to yourself, and try to save your own sanity. I wish I could make it all better for you. Love you.

 

[Childofmine]

LMS, thinking of you and hoping YOU are okay even if the rest of your world has gone crazy.

I hope that you can come through whatever is happening and will happen and find a place for yourself to stand that has some peace, calm and serenity.

Please keep us posted.

 

[lovemysons]

Hi all,

Your prayers must be working at least on my end as I am feeling remarkably well. Thank you.

I have heard from young difficult child this morning and he claims that his wife is coming to pick him up today from state psychiatric hospital. I told him my thoughts though...that I don't believe he should be getting out anytime soon considering what he just did a week and half ago. Attempting to jump in front of a train/jumping in front of train should get you more than a weeks stay at the hospital I would think! But what do I know...sigh.

I told him good luck. I don't know what else to say to him.
I have discussed with husband that young difficult child may not make it out of this alive. We have to look at everything on the table.
Young difficult child is not well. He continues to pursue pain medications or xanax or whatever he can get ahold of...he continues at times to act suicidal. And my fear is that one of these times he may "accidentally" end up dying. I don't think young difficult child "wants" to die. I just think he doesn't care...he gets high...he gets scared...and then who know's what will happen.

I have not spoken to my daughter in law in several days. I am not happy with her continued visits to young difficult child with the grandkids. I am not happy about her continuing to enable him. She gives him money, rides, etc then he gets high and the next thing you know he's in the hospital again. I swear he has practically lived in the hospital for most of the last 4-6 months. He is constantly in search of pain medications. It just. Drives. Me. Crazy!

A week ago I went to see my Dr. and had an EKG done. I just have not felt well for quite some time. She also did blood work. The EKG results were normal but I did find out that I am vitamin D deficient and B-12 so I have started taking heavy dose once a week for 3 month Vitamin D capsule. I think it is helping. I have more energy lately...Yes, within just a few days after taking one capsule...then I have had in years!

I need to be ready. I need energy, good rest, and a good mood in order to deal with whatever comes next.

Thank you all for being by my side.
I feel alone within my own family some times. Maybe it is just the plight of motherhood. We have a relationship to our children like no one else.

LMS

 

[comatheart]

Oh wow. I can't agree you more. He needs more time. Such a shame he is already getting out. It's unfortunate your daughter in law continues to enable him. She will get it....someday. I know your feelings questioning if he will make it out of all this alive. Im so sorry for that, such an awful feeling. :-( THOUGHTS & PRAYERS!!

 

[DDD]

How are YOU doing, my friend? DDD

 

[lovemysons]

Hi DDD,
I am okay...a bit tired today. I had ALOT of energy the past couple of days and I think I overdid it some. I know...I'm only 47 lol and yet I "talk" like I'm much older these days don't I? I find myself comparing health notes with friends and my mother...I think difficult child days caught up with me!

I haven't heard from young difficult child today.
Last night he called and he was talking about all these "plans"...wife going to pharmacy tech school, him getting a job, how his kid's deserve a sober father, etc. It made me teary. I wanted to believe what he was saying...but I don't.

husband and I talked last night...about all he's been through: Rehab, hospital's, various kinds of schools, Army, Prison, working for his brother, living with us, a wife and 3 beautiful kids...and NONE of it has done the trick.

Our conclusion is that it will take "an act of God"...a miracle for young difficult child to put one foot in front of the other and make the changes necessary to result in real progress...in real hope for his future.

I found myself yesterday feeling like I am letting down the team...feeling hopeless...and expressing it here as husband and I are now discussing things such as funeral arrangements, costs, etc In the event.

I don't want to sound hopeless. It's just there's been no evidence of a real desire on young difficult child's part to make lasting change needed in his life. The only thing we see over and over again is the desire to get high...at any cost.

I feel that we are trying to be practical at this point DDD. But of course my head and my heart are at odd's. I DO want to believe that young difficult child will make it. I really do.
I pray "Thy Will Be Done"...as mine and his wife's has not worked, authorities intervening has not worked. What will it take?

Thank you for checking on me DDD.
And I know you keep me and mine in your prayers. I keep you in mine as well and think of you often.

Love you,
LMS

 

[busywend]

The right medications. And someone that will ensure he always takes them. But this takes time. He should be in patient until the right medications are determined.

sent from mobile phone

 

[Addictsmom]

I think the underlying fear we all have is that our difficult child will die. I know that all of the things I have done over the years to "help him get back on his feet, etc" were attempts at keeping him alive. Last night I prayed and asked God to give me the strength to be able to handle what might happen to him. I have found out that my best actions cannot keep him sober no matter what. Let go and let God means just that. It's being willing to do this is what's hard for parents.