Privacy and going public....rewards and risks.

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
I know that much of the worry I feel is ABOUT ME: My vulnerability, the fear that I expose too much, what I call "blood in the water," the fear I will be rejected. I also have a newly gained fear of "bad people." Odd, because, historically, I have been the one to leave me front door open or unlocked, even through the night. But my fear of "bad people" is not of the criminal....I fear those who without caring use or misuse one's heartfelt words....to their own ends, for money, to make a point, or people who judge without feeling the need to understand. I fear the loss of control of my words...and the inability to protect myself, from interpretation or misinterpretation or misuse. Kind of like it was one I was a child. Feeling helpless to protect myself, with no one to protect me.

As I write this I recognize that sharing here is a way to learn that I can be conscious about what I reveal, and build in protections. This is what a responsible adult does. They open up...but they don't spill their guts. They share, but they don't give away they store. And if somebody misuses them, abuses them...they don't feel it to be a sign that they are worthless or bad....they do not feel shame....and guilt. Instead they say....copulate yourself voyeur!!!!
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
I have to add that my vulnerability has increased because my adult child is living in our town. Yesterday morning (s)he called to say (s)he wanted to come by to look for something. While I did set limits, asking that she call before she came, asking her how long she intended to stay, and around what time she would be here....immediately after the call I LOCKED OUT OF THE HOUSE, my SO who had gone to carry something to the car.

I have to say, I never heard back from my child. I struggle to face that there may be a pattern of psychological warfare at work here. What does she gain by keeping us off balance....waiting, unsure? My SO has long asserted that it is a form of dominance as is her unwillingness to follow our rules....in fact deliberately transgressing.

Wanting to make Cocoa the other night we couldn't find the Mexican Chocolate. Yesterday, I found pieces of chocolate stuffed into the box of plastic bags I use to store food. We used to find raw meat in kitchen drawers. At the time I thought it was thoughtless, or at worst symptomatic. Is it paranoid to think it is psychological warfare? I think so. Yet.

The fear that your beloved adult child chooses to act in such a way to provoke or that provokes anxiety and worse.... Reawakens feelings from the past....that one's home is not safe...triggering the need to project these fears... so as to create the illusion that the danger comes from outside...is not within the family, with me.
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
It makes no difference if the behavior is intended to be psychological warfare, or if the behavior is simply mental illness off the charts. No matter what the cause or source... we have to keep ourselves safe.

I have stopped looking for "reasons" when it comes to safety. Safety comes first. Mine and not-so-difficult kid, then hubby, then more-difficult kid. Everything else comes after safety.
 
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