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Privacy and going public....rewards and risks.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 654726" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have to add that my vulnerability has increased because my adult child is living in our town. Yesterday morning (s)he called to say (s)he wanted to come by to look for something. While I did set limits, asking that she call before she came, asking her how long she intended to stay, and around what time she would be here....immediately after the call I LOCKED OUT OF THE HOUSE, my SO who had gone to carry something to the car. </p><p></p><p>I have to say, I never heard back from my child. I struggle to face that there may be a pattern of psychological warfare at work here. What does she gain by keeping us off balance....waiting, unsure? My SO has long asserted that it is a form of dominance as is her unwillingness to follow our rules....in fact deliberately transgressing. </p><p></p><p>Wanting to make Cocoa the other night we couldn't find the Mexican Chocolate. Yesterday, I found pieces of chocolate stuffed into the box of plastic bags I use to store food. We used to find raw meat in kitchen drawers. At the time I thought it was thoughtless, or at worst symptomatic. Is it paranoid to think it is psychological warfare? I think so. Yet.</p><p></p><p>The fear that your beloved adult child chooses to act in such a way to provoke or that provokes anxiety and worse.... Reawakens feelings from the past....that one's home is not safe...triggering the need to project these fears... so as to create the illusion that the danger comes from outside...is not within the family, with me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 654726, member: 18958"] I have to add that my vulnerability has increased because my adult child is living in our town. Yesterday morning (s)he called to say (s)he wanted to come by to look for something. While I did set limits, asking that she call before she came, asking her how long she intended to stay, and around what time she would be here....immediately after the call I LOCKED OUT OF THE HOUSE, my SO who had gone to carry something to the car. I have to say, I never heard back from my child. I struggle to face that there may be a pattern of psychological warfare at work here. What does she gain by keeping us off balance....waiting, unsure? My SO has long asserted that it is a form of dominance as is her unwillingness to follow our rules....in fact deliberately transgressing. Wanting to make Cocoa the other night we couldn't find the Mexican Chocolate. Yesterday, I found pieces of chocolate stuffed into the box of plastic bags I use to store food. We used to find raw meat in kitchen drawers. At the time I thought it was thoughtless, or at worst symptomatic. Is it paranoid to think it is psychological warfare? I think so. Yet. The fear that your beloved adult child chooses to act in such a way to provoke or that provokes anxiety and worse.... Reawakens feelings from the past....that one's home is not safe...triggering the need to project these fears... so as to create the illusion that the danger comes from outside...is not within the family, with me. [/QUOTE]
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