Probation Violations

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by pasajes4, Feb 9, 2014.

  1. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I have not posted much about my 17 yr. old son lately. He has a court date on Tuesday for probation violations. The probation officer is going to ask the judge to send him to tjjd. This is not a treatment facility and is much more like a prison.

    My son refused to report to probation, refused drug testing, violated curfew, and cussed out the probation officer. At home, he has refused to follow any rules, and pretty much is just down right unpleasant to be around. I have come home from work to find kids who use my house as a place to skip school, smoke weed and drink. The police are here at least once a week and I have filed trespassing charges on about 7 of his "friends". He and his clowns are smart enough to not have anything on them or have left before the police get here.

    He plans to tell the judge that the reason he does not follow the probation plan or house rules is that he does not need a baby sitter. He knows what he is doing and we are just trying to keep him from living his life the way he wants. I am so looking forward to Tuesday it should be a real hoot.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't think the judge is going to agree with his reasons. Too bad you can't record the hearing to smile at later on.

    Our difficult child's have less common sense at 17 than our sensible, typical kids have at ten. I mean, that is the worst thing he could possibly say, but...he will have to learn the hard way. All our difficult children seem to have to learn the hard way, if they learn at all. Remember, it's not just YOUR difficult child who is like this. We can all relate.

  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't think the judge will agree with his reasoning either. Let us know what he says.
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I think that it is going to be a real challenge to keep a straight face.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sad to say I imagine once he leaves the court in chains and once you are alone at'll likely have a crying purge to get rid of the stress. I'm a pretty tough cookie but the "visuals" still are in my head a decade later. Sigh!

    Sending supportive and loving hugs your way. DDD
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    The sad thing is that everyone has bent over backward to help this kid to understand the consequences of not following his probation plan. Today he is blaming everyone else for his failure to follow the rules. Now his plan is to tell the judge that I refused to take him to his meetings. That's not going to fly because he told the probation officer the other version of the story.

    DDD, I am all cried out. I just can't wrap my head around how irrational he is.
  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I so sympathize.... my son sounds a lot like yours only he is a bit older and further along in the process.

    Personally I hope that they do take custody of him.... it will give you a much needed break from having him in your home, he will not be on the streets but will have a place to sleep, and it will probably give him a huge serious wake up call. I hope from there they try to find him some kind of treatment.


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  8. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    I am so sorry you are having to go through this in full technicolor.

    It seems unbelievable that our difficult children go down this road and make it even rougher than it already is for themselves, but they do. It's what they do.

    What I came to see about law enforcement is they don't care about all of the stories, blaming, victimhood, excuses, reasons, rationalizations.

    It is the very essence of the immovable object meeting the unstoppable force. This is where our difficult children pay the price of their choices and their behavior, if they have not paid it elsewhere. They are just another number there and no special treatment will be provided.

    I think it is a good lesson for them, and interestingly, I believe my son actually feels somewhat comfortable in jail. The "box" is smaller, the rules are black and white and very clear and simple, and he has gotten used to it. He has no responsibilities and they take care of him.

    Better than home! (lol, laughing instead of crying).

    Your difficult child will meet his match, and maybe that will get his attention.

    I know it hurts you and that is the worst part.

    I don't go to court anymore. I haven't visited him in jail this time. I haven't put money on his account. I don't accept his phone calls from jail. I have gotten to this place through multiple experiences.

    Please protect yourself from unnecessary pain. The court will do what the court does. Today, I hope you can be kind to yourself and do something nice for YOU. You deserve it. You don't deserve to experience more unnecessary pain.

    Blessings and hugs and prayers for you and your difficult child today.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This sounds so familiar except my son has an uncanny ability to be the most polite person when in court. He actually keeps a jacket and a tie just for such

    One thing that infuriated me from the time my son got in trouble as a juvenile is that the courts taught him that they didnt mean what they said. I fully believe if they had he would have learned his lessons long before he became an adult.

    Years ago my son ended up on probation at 14. He had all these rules he had to follow such as no missing school, following rules at home, etc. Well he hadnt been in school for a month when I found out he had been skipping school. Needless to say following our rules just wasnt on his radar. So I called his PO and reported him. I fully expected that they would do what they had said which was to invoke his sentence. Not on your life. In fact, his PO actually took him to a Xmas party where he got a nice gift!!!! Of course he continued to skip school and no matter how many times I called him in, nothing happened. Well nothing happened until a month before school was out and they sent him to juvie for ONE week. Oh please. Wanna guess what he learned? That he was immune to what anyone said. In fact it took until he was 21 and stole money from me that the courts finally stepped in.
  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    This is his 3rd time on probation and he spent 9 months in a juvenile corrections treatment center. Probation was a joke the other 2 times. It would have been this time as well, but when kiddo cussed out the probation officer, all of a sudden it was a different story. We shall see what happens tomorrow.
  11. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I am sorry it had to come to this but difficult child has left no one with any other choice it sounds like.

    I also know how painful it is to see them lead away again in handcuffs. As you know both of my son's have been to prison here in Tx. Not for the faint of heart.

    I hope this is just a necessary part of your son's recovery. A painful place for sure...but perhaps, all part of a bigger picture and plan.

    Love and hugs to you,
    We will be with you in spirit tomorrow.
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Amen. DDD
  13. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for all of your kind responses. I am about to wake him up for court. Last night was a nightmare. He invited his best friend over so they could smoke weed for the last time oh sob boohoo. I put a kibosh on that little plan real quick and in a hurry.
  14. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    The court system gives way too many chances in my opinion. I think my son had 5 arrests before they finally put him in jail for something. All petty small stuff and every time they warned him if he did something else he would go to jail... it took 5 times before they finally did. So he really didnt think they would ever do anything and then I think was surprised when they did!!!

    And in the end honestly I think that is what he needed to wake up and figure out he didnt want to go back.... ha that only happened after going back to jail a 2nd time though.

    And what amazes me is at one point he was thinking of leaving the current program and figuring he would just get out of state......of course if he got caught he would have been in for a lot longer.


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