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Problems with 19 Year Old Son
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<blockquote data-quote="PittDoraj" data-source="post: 496057" data-attributes="member: 13500"><p>Well, things have taken a turn for the worse. I will be brief in my recap.</p><p></p><p>My son returned home with the "I don't have a place to go" story. He said he realizes his 'friends' aren't really friends, etc., and he needed a place to stay. We allowed him to stay in part because my wife and I had a weekend trip planned (for a couple of months) that was not easy to change since it involved meeting out of state family/friends and college bowl games. We talked at length with my son and daughter and everyone agreed to how things would work. Son could sleep in the house as long as there were no problems but could not stay there alone.</p><p></p><p>At 11pm I received a call from my daughter saying she thought something was going on, that he was leaving the house for ten minutes and returning (a couple of times). My son told me this wasn't the case and he was having a friend (a "approved" one in our book) over. At 5am I received a text from my daughter saying she couldn't deal with him. In the morning she found 3 bottles of vodka (1 nearly empty and 2 full) in the bushes beside the house. I questioned my son who reluctantly confessed that he traded video games for the vodka. He said he agreed he needed help. I told him once we were home we would arrange things (we have investigated a couple of facilities). We told him, per the agreement we had, that he had to find a place to stay since this wasn't fair to his sister. He agreed.</p><p></p><p>Later that day (yesterday) he called to say that under no circumstances would he go to a in-patient facility, he did not have a problem, and wanted $450 and he would be out of our life. We told him we would get a hotel room for him and his sister would give the cash to the hotel clerk when he checked in. (No way would we give the cash to him nor hold a room with a credit card). We said we would give $100 this way so he had a place for two nights. We called to find a local place and his sister took him there. However there was a misunderstanding with the hotel clerk (rate was $80) and we told my son/daughter to wait and we would get another hotel lined up - which we did in about 5 minutes. My son decided not to wait and took off on foot. He then texted my wife to say he can't believe he wasn't worth an extra $30 and that he was done with us. I texted him to say you have "chosen" to ignore the help we offered and he should go back to the house so we could arrange something (at this point it was around 6pm and there was no way for us to return home that night). I then received a text from him - "I've chosen to die. F* off". </p><p></p><p>After 30 minutes of unanswered texts and phone calls I asked my wife to call the police. She was against it but she did it because she could see I was distraught. She felt he was not going to hurt himself. The police said they would keep an eye out for him and would talk to him if they saw him. They called my daughter to get the story and asked her to call them if he came home. Another hour later he arrived on our porch but left before my daughter let him in and my daughter called the police - the police then found him a street away. They called us to say he ran from them so they detained him. They called for an ambulance and he told them he was depressed and had suicidal thoughts. He was taken to the local hospital. We cancelled the rest of our plans and are returning home now - should be back by 2pm - hospital visitation goes until 4. I called the hospital this morning to see if he was there (since he is 19 the hospital will give us no info) and if he was committed by police or voluntarily. My son got on the phone and said "give me one reason why I shouldn't hang up on you. I told you I never wanted to be back in a place like this" and he hung up on me before I could respond. I will go there for visitation and I am sure he will not see me. I will also see if the staff will give me any indication on the status of his situation and be sure they know what medication he is on.</p><p></p><p>So now I have wife, family, and friends telling me I should have done things differently. Shouldn't have left, shouldn't have told him to leave, shouldn't have called the police. My wife is convinced if we had just gone on our way he would have returned home and not hurt himself. I guess I will never know but all I can do is hope that he will eventually talk to me again, and that my wife (and others) will understand the juggling act I feel I am failing to perform!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PittDoraj, post: 496057, member: 13500"] Well, things have taken a turn for the worse. I will be brief in my recap. My son returned home with the "I don't have a place to go" story. He said he realizes his 'friends' aren't really friends, etc., and he needed a place to stay. We allowed him to stay in part because my wife and I had a weekend trip planned (for a couple of months) that was not easy to change since it involved meeting out of state family/friends and college bowl games. We talked at length with my son and daughter and everyone agreed to how things would work. Son could sleep in the house as long as there were no problems but could not stay there alone. At 11pm I received a call from my daughter saying she thought something was going on, that he was leaving the house for ten minutes and returning (a couple of times). My son told me this wasn't the case and he was having a friend (a "approved" one in our book) over. At 5am I received a text from my daughter saying she couldn't deal with him. In the morning she found 3 bottles of vodka (1 nearly empty and 2 full) in the bushes beside the house. I questioned my son who reluctantly confessed that he traded video games for the vodka. He said he agreed he needed help. I told him once we were home we would arrange things (we have investigated a couple of facilities). We told him, per the agreement we had, that he had to find a place to stay since this wasn't fair to his sister. He agreed. Later that day (yesterday) he called to say that under no circumstances would he go to a in-patient facility, he did not have a problem, and wanted $450 and he would be out of our life. We told him we would get a hotel room for him and his sister would give the cash to the hotel clerk when he checked in. (No way would we give the cash to him nor hold a room with a credit card). We said we would give $100 this way so he had a place for two nights. We called to find a local place and his sister took him there. However there was a misunderstanding with the hotel clerk (rate was $80) and we told my son/daughter to wait and we would get another hotel lined up - which we did in about 5 minutes. My son decided not to wait and took off on foot. He then texted my wife to say he can't believe he wasn't worth an extra $30 and that he was done with us. I texted him to say you have "chosen" to ignore the help we offered and he should go back to the house so we could arrange something (at this point it was around 6pm and there was no way for us to return home that night). I then received a text from him - "I've chosen to die. F* off". After 30 minutes of unanswered texts and phone calls I asked my wife to call the police. She was against it but she did it because she could see I was distraught. She felt he was not going to hurt himself. The police said they would keep an eye out for him and would talk to him if they saw him. They called my daughter to get the story and asked her to call them if he came home. Another hour later he arrived on our porch but left before my daughter let him in and my daughter called the police - the police then found him a street away. They called us to say he ran from them so they detained him. They called for an ambulance and he told them he was depressed and had suicidal thoughts. He was taken to the local hospital. We cancelled the rest of our plans and are returning home now - should be back by 2pm - hospital visitation goes until 4. I called the hospital this morning to see if he was there (since he is 19 the hospital will give us no info) and if he was committed by police or voluntarily. My son got on the phone and said "give me one reason why I shouldn't hang up on you. I told you I never wanted to be back in a place like this" and he hung up on me before I could respond. I will go there for visitation and I am sure he will not see me. I will also see if the staff will give me any indication on the status of his situation and be sure they know what medication he is on. So now I have wife, family, and friends telling me I should have done things differently. Shouldn't have left, shouldn't have told him to leave, shouldn't have called the police. My wife is convinced if we had just gone on our way he would have returned home and not hurt himself. I guess I will never know but all I can do is hope that he will eventually talk to me again, and that my wife (and others) will understand the juggling act I feel I am failing to perform! [/QUOTE]
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