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Problems with my handy man...ugh
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 98032" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Tina, this is about boundaries. And it really does depend on the person.</p><p></p><p>mother in law has just had a lot of work done on her house, all of it by local village tradesmen. She was often out (although she tried to be home when they were working) so she would leave the house unlocked for them. Sometimes if she was unsure of a bloke, she got me to stay at the house until she got home, so there was someone for the tradesman. And OK, the main worker was also painting the inside of the house, so he HAS to come inside, right?</p><p></p><p>I think once or twice a tradesman (the painter) signed for a package and put it on her table. He told her about it when she got in. I'm not sure if they were using her loo, it's a small enough town so their own home isn't too far away, they would be popping back home for this and that all day.</p><p></p><p>This bloke that has been working at your place - he sees that you've given him permission to use the loo. Plus you've let him give you pamphlets and he's tried to discuss things with you, he feels you are in the category of 'friend' and 'potential convert' and for someone like this, it's all justified if it's in the name of evangelism (hey, I have some great tracts on evolutionary theory for you, it if will help; how about a copy of Richard Dawkins's "The Blind Watchmaker" left in your loo?)</p><p>The issue here is, you don't feel comfortable with him coming in to your house when you are not home. He needs to know this.</p><p></p><p>There may not be anything sinister about him - if there were, what difference would it make? I mean, we could cross paths with axe murderers every so often without knowing it, they don't advertise. Just because he's a bit inappropriate doesn't make him more likely to be an axe murderer, he should respond perfectly fine to being told, "It makes me feel uncomfortable having you in the house when I'm not here; please don't use the loo if I'm not home. And please, ALWAYS, wash out brushes outside because I only want my kitchen sinks to have had food-related stuff in them, not chemicals."</p><p>You could also address the tracts issue with, "While you are working here, it's not the right time to discuss religion, we both have jobs to get on with. Maybe some other time if I go to your church, we could talk then. Or if you came to my church. But otherwise, it's not appropriate, it is slowing me down in getting my chores done."</p><p></p><p>My cleaner is "a good Christian man" who is also a bit weird. We do talk religion sometimes but only when we are both working on the same task, and I have learned to avoid setting him off. I was brought up in the church and I've seen doctrine shift to the point where I feel a stranger in churches these days; he is a recent convert who finds my statement tat doctrine has shifted in recent decades, to be heresy. I don't get angry with him when he calls me a heretic, although I probably should. I just point out that a lot of the ideas he's been given would have been seen as fringe or alternative, in the church where I grew up.</p><p></p><p>Too often, "good Christians" put evangelism at the top of what they must do, higher even than getting their job done. A very high premium is set in some churches to get out there and bring home a few scalps. And too often, it's other Christians who are targetted even more, especially if their views differ from the evangelist's. If you'd told him you were atheist, or Buddhist, he would probably be leaving you alone. But another Christian is a soft target (speaking from experience). He is now determined to test you to see if your faith is as good as his (which is the arrogant position usually taken up by a lot of amateur evangelists).</p><p></p><p>I've developed enough confidence in my faith and knowledge in the Bible, to be able to handle myself with these people. But if you are at all unsure of your ability to argue effectively or even speak in public, do not try to engage an evangelist. As you said (or someone did), talk to your pastor if you need spiritual guidance. At least your pastor has had some training!</p><p></p><p>Don't be afraid. Just tell him, "I don't want you just coming inside, I need to feel secure in my personal space." And tell the manager you've told him this. And make sure you keep the door locked, especially when you go out.</p><p></p><p>Do not be afraid he will suddenly turn aggressive - if you're polite but firm, he should be fine with this. If he DOES turn nasty (unlikely) you will have been handed (on a silver platter, like a certain prophet's head) a very good reason to get him thrown off the job at your place.</p><p></p><p>He probably thought he was doing a good deed, signing for your special deliveries. In our village, such deliveries would get sent back to head office and we'd have to wait weeks before they tried to deliver again, and again there might be nobody home. And a package needing to be signed for - it's probably valuable enough to not want it left outside for any thief to get.</p><p></p><p>But still - set the boundaries for him, thank him for his thoughtfulness but tell him it really bothered you AND your husband, having a stranger in your home while you were out.</p><p></p><p>And another point - mention husband as much as you can. A "good Christian man" should value the sanctity of a good marriage.</p><p></p><p>Mind you, I have found too often, sadly, that a lot of men, especially trademen, who use the "I am a good Christian" overmuch, are only a veneer of respectability.</p><p></p><p>And if all else fails and the manager won't do anything - you could always have a talk to this man's pastor.</p><p></p><p>And now I'm being REALLY nasty!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 98032, member: 1991"] Tina, this is about boundaries. And it really does depend on the person. mother in law has just had a lot of work done on her house, all of it by local village tradesmen. She was often out (although she tried to be home when they were working) so she would leave the house unlocked for them. Sometimes if she was unsure of a bloke, she got me to stay at the house until she got home, so there was someone for the tradesman. And OK, the main worker was also painting the inside of the house, so he HAS to come inside, right? I think once or twice a tradesman (the painter) signed for a package and put it on her table. He told her about it when she got in. I'm not sure if they were using her loo, it's a small enough town so their own home isn't too far away, they would be popping back home for this and that all day. This bloke that has been working at your place - he sees that you've given him permission to use the loo. Plus you've let him give you pamphlets and he's tried to discuss things with you, he feels you are in the category of 'friend' and 'potential convert' and for someone like this, it's all justified if it's in the name of evangelism (hey, I have some great tracts on evolutionary theory for you, it if will help; how about a copy of Richard Dawkins's "The Blind Watchmaker" left in your loo?) The issue here is, you don't feel comfortable with him coming in to your house when you are not home. He needs to know this. There may not be anything sinister about him - if there were, what difference would it make? I mean, we could cross paths with axe murderers every so often without knowing it, they don't advertise. Just because he's a bit inappropriate doesn't make him more likely to be an axe murderer, he should respond perfectly fine to being told, "It makes me feel uncomfortable having you in the house when I'm not here; please don't use the loo if I'm not home. And please, ALWAYS, wash out brushes outside because I only want my kitchen sinks to have had food-related stuff in them, not chemicals." You could also address the tracts issue with, "While you are working here, it's not the right time to discuss religion, we both have jobs to get on with. Maybe some other time if I go to your church, we could talk then. Or if you came to my church. But otherwise, it's not appropriate, it is slowing me down in getting my chores done." My cleaner is "a good Christian man" who is also a bit weird. We do talk religion sometimes but only when we are both working on the same task, and I have learned to avoid setting him off. I was brought up in the church and I've seen doctrine shift to the point where I feel a stranger in churches these days; he is a recent convert who finds my statement tat doctrine has shifted in recent decades, to be heresy. I don't get angry with him when he calls me a heretic, although I probably should. I just point out that a lot of the ideas he's been given would have been seen as fringe or alternative, in the church where I grew up. Too often, "good Christians" put evangelism at the top of what they must do, higher even than getting their job done. A very high premium is set in some churches to get out there and bring home a few scalps. And too often, it's other Christians who are targetted even more, especially if their views differ from the evangelist's. If you'd told him you were atheist, or Buddhist, he would probably be leaving you alone. But another Christian is a soft target (speaking from experience). He is now determined to test you to see if your faith is as good as his (which is the arrogant position usually taken up by a lot of amateur evangelists). I've developed enough confidence in my faith and knowledge in the Bible, to be able to handle myself with these people. But if you are at all unsure of your ability to argue effectively or even speak in public, do not try to engage an evangelist. As you said (or someone did), talk to your pastor if you need spiritual guidance. At least your pastor has had some training! Don't be afraid. Just tell him, "I don't want you just coming inside, I need to feel secure in my personal space." And tell the manager you've told him this. And make sure you keep the door locked, especially when you go out. Do not be afraid he will suddenly turn aggressive - if you're polite but firm, he should be fine with this. If he DOES turn nasty (unlikely) you will have been handed (on a silver platter, like a certain prophet's head) a very good reason to get him thrown off the job at your place. He probably thought he was doing a good deed, signing for your special deliveries. In our village, such deliveries would get sent back to head office and we'd have to wait weeks before they tried to deliver again, and again there might be nobody home. And a package needing to be signed for - it's probably valuable enough to not want it left outside for any thief to get. But still - set the boundaries for him, thank him for his thoughtfulness but tell him it really bothered you AND your husband, having a stranger in your home while you were out. And another point - mention husband as much as you can. A "good Christian man" should value the sanctity of a good marriage. Mind you, I have found too often, sadly, that a lot of men, especially trademen, who use the "I am a good Christian" overmuch, are only a veneer of respectability. And if all else fails and the manager won't do anything - you could always have a talk to this man's pastor. And now I'm being REALLY nasty! Marg [/QUOTE]
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