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Substance Abuse
Protecting Ourselves from Adult difficult children
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 636934" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I just saw this thread and don't have time to read it all, but wanted to say a couple of thigns. First is that I am sorry your son hurts you on purpose, and that you had to realize this The other is to say I am proud of you for seeing the damage that he can happily do to your other child. Because the damage will be done knowingly, with planning, and with great enjoyment. That is why it is so disturbing. </p><p></p><p>Years ago I got scolded and fussed at by soooo many tdocs psychiatrists neuros etc.... because I didn't treat Wiz in a vacuum, focused only on what was best for him. I refused to do things because they would harm the other kids or if we could not do them for all of the kids. MANY docs of all flavors wanted us to spend special 1 on 1 time with Wiz as we did expensive (for us) things with him. At no time were we ever suggested that we should also do them with the other kids, because for the docs the other kids simply didn't matter. After all, they didn't have problems with their anger and moods and other things. Doing free things was NEVER good enough for the various 'experts' because how is that showing that you value your child? (Yes, more than one 'expert' actually said those words to me, the frimpin' idjits!).</p><p></p><p>I refused their advice on this because each of my kids was equally important. Wiz wasn't more important and it was hard to understand why the docs couldn't see that. I finally started telling them that I would not sacrifice my other children on the altar of Wiz' mental health/developmental problems. They didn't like the wording, but they 'got it' after a while.</p><p></p><p>This is what you need to do. Take steps to provide great distance for your younger child. Work with him and a therapist to help him understand what is going on wtih your difficult child and what he needs to do to make sure he is not enticed down difficult child's path. TALK to the youngest about how difficult child's nonsense could keep him (youngest) from having a great life and career if he isn't careful. You can sort of 'innoculate' youngest from difficult child's koi by giving him enough info to see what difficult child will do and how it would make difficult child actually HAPPY if youngest ended up with major problems rather than a happy, stable life with a loving family.</p><p></p><p>Just my thoughts though!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 636934, member: 1233"] I just saw this thread and don't have time to read it all, but wanted to say a couple of thigns. First is that I am sorry your son hurts you on purpose, and that you had to realize this The other is to say I am proud of you for seeing the damage that he can happily do to your other child. Because the damage will be done knowingly, with planning, and with great enjoyment. That is why it is so disturbing. Years ago I got scolded and fussed at by soooo many tdocs psychiatrists neuros etc.... because I didn't treat Wiz in a vacuum, focused only on what was best for him. I refused to do things because they would harm the other kids or if we could not do them for all of the kids. MANY docs of all flavors wanted us to spend special 1 on 1 time with Wiz as we did expensive (for us) things with him. At no time were we ever suggested that we should also do them with the other kids, because for the docs the other kids simply didn't matter. After all, they didn't have problems with their anger and moods and other things. Doing free things was NEVER good enough for the various 'experts' because how is that showing that you value your child? (Yes, more than one 'expert' actually said those words to me, the frimpin' idjits!). I refused their advice on this because each of my kids was equally important. Wiz wasn't more important and it was hard to understand why the docs couldn't see that. I finally started telling them that I would not sacrifice my other children on the altar of Wiz' mental health/developmental problems. They didn't like the wording, but they 'got it' after a while. This is what you need to do. Take steps to provide great distance for your younger child. Work with him and a therapist to help him understand what is going on wtih your difficult child and what he needs to do to make sure he is not enticed down difficult child's path. TALK to the youngest about how difficult child's nonsense could keep him (youngest) from having a great life and career if he isn't careful. You can sort of 'innoculate' youngest from difficult child's koi by giving him enough info to see what difficult child will do and how it would make difficult child actually HAPPY if youngest ended up with major problems rather than a happy, stable life with a loving family. Just my thoughts though! [/QUOTE]
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