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Proud of my daughters, disgusted with Parents
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 547897" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Jody, </p><p></p><p>I don't know anything about your past, and not too much about you and your family now. That withstanding? What I do know about you, that which you have shared, and the parts that you've allowed us to be part of? I have to tell you? The mental picture I get of you from your nice, soft dog with a smile avatar to the way you write? I'm honored to have you for a friend. Despite whatever was in your history, or your parents lack of ---having overcome that lifestyle and gone on to be such a wonderful Mother and caring person with emotions, feelings, and empathy even for them? Speaks volumes about the person that you are now, and the type of Mother that you raised TWO girls to be. </p><p></p><p>You didn't go to that house with any intention other than for your children to meet your parents. What your daughter said "That is not my Grandpa" well? There was no truer statement at that moment. He certainly was NOT her Grandpa. He was YOUR Father, and from the things I have learned in my short life (48 years today) Despite the fact that he may have been difficult, or hard or uncaring? You seem to have come to terms and are at peace with a simple knowledge that he did the best he could. Knowing that there was an opportunity to do better as a Father is what hurts us the most - often wondering WHY they didn't leaves us feeling empty for a lot of answers we may never get in our lifetime. Sometimes as hard as it is, forgiving people like your parents and moving on is the best thing we can do in OUR lives. IT's freeing, it allows us to make peace in our life, lets us move forwards and not be stuck in the place that we were stagnated from ----and grew "crooked" from. It's almost like we get a chance to grow ourselves over again and when we do - we grow the way WE want to, not the way they grew us with all their mental disorders. </p><p></p><p>I would explain to your daughter that is hurting that her anger is her own, and she can hold it, she can process it and let it go - or she can make herself crazy looking for answers that she will never find. But the man that she met was NOT her Grandfather. Lots of kids grow up without (sadly) Grandfathers and Grandmothers - fortunately for her? She had a GREAT GREAT Mother - and TWO greats as a Mother - trumps Grand. My personal thought is that in order to be a Grand Father - you first had to be a Father - and it seems that from your perspective he wasn't that either. Since you've dealt with that hurt, I'm just wondering what if you asked your daughter if she could share in your joy of overcoming that pain and not festering in the anger of something she can't control, can't change and won't ever have to deal with? You've given her the tools to be a reamarkable young lady (both of them) - my personal thought is to just allow her to keep being that person. </p><p></p><p>As far as you go? I think you are one of the kindest, sweetest, soft spoken women I've never met - regardless of what you grew up in - I think that from any background in todays world is nothing short of REMARKABLE. </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love to you dear one......don't ever change ----You are wonderful! </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 547897, member: 4964"] Jody, I don't know anything about your past, and not too much about you and your family now. That withstanding? What I do know about you, that which you have shared, and the parts that you've allowed us to be part of? I have to tell you? The mental picture I get of you from your nice, soft dog with a smile avatar to the way you write? I'm honored to have you for a friend. Despite whatever was in your history, or your parents lack of ---having overcome that lifestyle and gone on to be such a wonderful Mother and caring person with emotions, feelings, and empathy even for them? Speaks volumes about the person that you are now, and the type of Mother that you raised TWO girls to be. You didn't go to that house with any intention other than for your children to meet your parents. What your daughter said "That is not my Grandpa" well? There was no truer statement at that moment. He certainly was NOT her Grandpa. He was YOUR Father, and from the things I have learned in my short life (48 years today) Despite the fact that he may have been difficult, or hard or uncaring? You seem to have come to terms and are at peace with a simple knowledge that he did the best he could. Knowing that there was an opportunity to do better as a Father is what hurts us the most - often wondering WHY they didn't leaves us feeling empty for a lot of answers we may never get in our lifetime. Sometimes as hard as it is, forgiving people like your parents and moving on is the best thing we can do in OUR lives. IT's freeing, it allows us to make peace in our life, lets us move forwards and not be stuck in the place that we were stagnated from ----and grew "crooked" from. It's almost like we get a chance to grow ourselves over again and when we do - we grow the way WE want to, not the way they grew us with all their mental disorders. I would explain to your daughter that is hurting that her anger is her own, and she can hold it, she can process it and let it go - or she can make herself crazy looking for answers that she will never find. But the man that she met was NOT her Grandfather. Lots of kids grow up without (sadly) Grandfathers and Grandmothers - fortunately for her? She had a GREAT GREAT Mother - and TWO greats as a Mother - trumps Grand. My personal thought is that in order to be a Grand Father - you first had to be a Father - and it seems that from your perspective he wasn't that either. Since you've dealt with that hurt, I'm just wondering what if you asked your daughter if she could share in your joy of overcoming that pain and not festering in the anger of something she can't control, can't change and won't ever have to deal with? You've given her the tools to be a reamarkable young lady (both of them) - my personal thought is to just allow her to keep being that person. As far as you go? I think you are one of the kindest, sweetest, soft spoken women I've never met - regardless of what you grew up in - I think that from any background in todays world is nothing short of REMARKABLE. Hugs & Love to you dear one......don't ever change ----You are wonderful! Star [/QUOTE]
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