In April I made an appointment with my psychiatrist because the littlest things make me want to go postal. If my bra doesn't hook on the first try, my blood pressure goes up. If it takes 3 tries.... I want to rip the thing into shreds. If the idiot I work with parks in my parking space (the one I've been parking in for 17 YEARS) I want to go after him with a baseball bat. I only drive on Fridays, You think he could remember to leave my space for me one day a week. Oh, but in true difficult child fashion...I forgot it was Friday....I didn't think you were coming in today...etc... Anyways, I made the appointment in April and today was the first Friday available. Can only do Fridays cuz it's the only day that I'm not in the vanpool. So, checked to see how long it's been since my last appointment. It's been 15 months. Well, nothings been going on in my life so I haven't gone for a while.....hmmmm turns out to be not quite right. While looking back over the last 15 months so I can catch psychiatrist up...turns out, I've been going through a lot of stuff. (the following is just a recap of all the things... it is long so feel free to skip it) Feb 2011 - had to put Mason down. April 2011 - Ant is getting his act together and has a job. May 2011- easy child says he's not coming home for the summer. June 2011 - Ant wants husband to cosign for a car. I don't want to. husband goes behind my back and has my Dad help cosign. June 2011 - I start having heart problems. June 2011 - get to know the new/future sister in law (A) - we become good friends July 2011 - Nuclear heart test - shows no problems. Aug 2011 - Ant is putting his head up his tush again - suspect drugs AGAIN... Aug 2011 - Newest Nephew Elijah is born on my B-day. Still getting along well with A Sept 2011 - easy child confesses that he had a serious drug problem all through high school and for the first 3 years of college. He's clean now. Sept 2011 - In-laws kick Steph out - after father in law HITS Steph. She moves in with a friend. Sept 2011 - we kick Ant out. Take back the car. turn off his phone after he goes off on me. Oct 2011 - turns out Ant was several months behind on car payments Oct 2011 - Steph starts coming around for visits. Dec 2011 - Attend wedding for new sister in law. Host reception. Still close with them. Dec 2011 - Aunt J is in the hosiptal for Christmas. Almost lost her. doctor doesn't know what is happening. Dec 2011 - New Years Eve. - Aunt J in hospital for second time. It's a Thyroid Storm. Dec 2011 - New years Eve. - A & T stayed over at In-laws. The start of them having nothing to do with us. Don't know what happened or why - but it's the 3rd sister in law that has disowned me. Oh well... her loss. Jan 2012 - I end up in the hospital during a horrible snow/ice storm because of my heart...again. I tell the attending doctor about the last test that showed nothing wrong. She says, actually, is shows insignifcant damage to your heart. Ummm...Insignificant? It's my HEART!! There is no "insignificant" when it comes to my heart! Get to do another Nuclear test thingy. This time, while doing the stress part, the technician who is in school to because a full doctor asked the doctor questions about the bottom of the EKG showed anomallies. The doctor says "they are intermittent anomalities so we won't worry about them at this time". Again...this is MY HEART people!! Jan 2012 - Aunt J's house burns to the ground. Miss Blossum moves in with us. Feb 2012 - husband has lunch with mother in law to celebrate his B-day. husband tells mother in law off and feels better. Feb 2012 - we go to spend the Gift card to Cabela's that mother in law gave husband. We end up getting Bella (names after Cabela's not Bella from Twilight) Feb 2012 - Ant moves to Oregon to be with A and brother in law. March 2012 - husband's wedding band is lost. It was a tiny band, but it was a family heirloom. It was my Great-Grandfathers for 50 years and my Dad wore it for 30 years. April 2012 - we meet easy child's girlfriend. Annie starts losing weight. Steph moves back home. May 6th - Grandma goes into the hospital May 7th - Think Grandma has CDiff, Mom goes into the hospital. Drop car off for repairs so we can exchange it for easy child's truck. May 8th - Steph and I end up very sick. husband picks up car, it's still broke. May 9th - Mom comes home from Hosptial, easy child starts his road trip home. May 10th - husband down with the bug, Grandma comes home from Hospital. Pick up car again. Still not fixed May 11th - Return car to shop one last time. Ant comes home. May 12th - celebrate Mom's day. Car is finally fixed - for only 2 grand. Ant disappears with loser friends after dinner. May 13th - Take the motor cycle out for a day trip. Need practice for our 2 week vacation on the bike. The bike breaks on the way home. Now we need to change vacation plans. easy child and Ant head home. May 14th - Steph starts getting disrespectful...being gone before I get home, not coming back until I'm in bed. This goes until a few days ago when we finally had it out and husband threatened to kick her out if she didn't straighten up. May 19th - take Grandma out to give Mom and Dad time alone and Dad has his heart attack. May 25th - schedule appointment to put Miss Annie down. She's failing to thrive. May 26th - get notice that easy child has failed out of college. He's got an appeal to see if he can attend this fall. If not, he can go back in Spring but then he won't be graduating with his girlfriend. Miscellaneous issues - Grumpas is depressed and slowly starving himself to death. Everytime husband & I get money in the savings acct for our vacation something comes up and takes it out. Prices here are so high, I can't make my ends meet - gas is $4.28 at the cheapest station. My roof is going, My deck is rotting, My fridge is dying.... having anxiety over being disowned by 3 SILs now. Wondering if there could be something wrong with me. Am I offensive? Do I do something that causes them to not like me? Are there others that feel like they want me out of their lives? Today - I have psychiatrist appointment to discuss why I'm losing it over the littlest thing when everything is fine in my life. (denial issues?). Oh and I'm having some minor chest pains...but I think it could be anxiety issues right now. So, here I am, thinking that my life has been stress free for over a year, looking back, it turns out not to be quite true. Maybe I've been so conditioned after all these years of difficult child stuff that I don't realize when stress is in my life? I feel like I'm being a big cry-baby here. I know there is a long list of little things that have been happening. But there are others with so many bigger problems. I should be able to deal with this. And yet I'm Not. So, it makes me feel like a failure and a fraud. Do any of you deal with these kind of feelings? and if so, how do you handle them? If you actually read all of this...Thank you so much for your time! I appreciate having a place to go to vent about all of my issues. Thanks again.