Wish me luck. I am going to talk to him about reducing some of my medications and also see if can reduce the Geodon dosage. Right now I'm on four medications and I really feel emotionless and apathetic. I don't feel happy, I don't feel sad, I feel nothing. I don't get enjoyment out of things the way I once did. I really feel like Geodon is mostly to blame. I've been taking it now for four years for my bipolar mania. Geodon stopped my manic episode dead in it's tracks. I haven't had one single manic or hypomanic episode since then. I think it's doing it's job too good. I have no positive or negative emotions anymore and I don't like it. Two years ago my stepson, my kids' older brother, committed suicide. I was devastated. I loved him like my own bio son. He lived with my ex and I when he was a teenager and him and I grew really close. My ex treated him badly and I was constantly sticking up for him. My stepson was a lot closer to me than him because of this. Anyway, I took the loss really hard but dammit I couldn't cry over it. I really feel like I needed a good cry to get it all out but I couldn't cry about it no matter how upset I was. That really bothers me. My best friend Steve also died unexpectedly due to a drug overdose. I couldn't cry then either. Then when my cat, who I had for six years and was like a family member to me, got put to sleep, I couldn't cry over that either. I don't like feeling this way. The boyfriend I have now is wonderful. He is just about perfect in every single way. I don't feel any joy when I see him, however. We have so much in common and I really love him but I don't feel that warm, giddy feeling inside like I used to when I've had boyfriends in the past. My kids can say or do the cutest thing and I don't get any enjoyment out of it. I used to just love their jokes and stories, but now I listen to them and feel nothing. Plus I am lousy with conversations. Seriously no matter how engaged I am in dialogue with someone, I just can't think of things to say for the life of me. This happens at work, with my boyfriend, friends, etc. I know it sounds crazy but I really think that Geodon is too blame. Like it does it's job too good, ya know? I am hoping my doctor will see it my way and help me by reducing the Geodon. I would drop it altogether but the only problem with that is that my body has gotten so used to it that NOTHING gets me to sleep otherwise. I've tried everything. So I have to keep Geodon but I'm hoping a lower dosage will allow myself to feel again. So please send good thoughts and well wishes my way. I really hope this is the answer I've been looking for.