psychiatrist visit today ... difficult child didn't show up

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TerryJ2, Feb 3, 2015.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    But the psychiatrist wrote a scrip for lithium, hoping that we could straighten out difficult child pronto.
    difficult child was at the estimator, getting an idea of damage repair for the car.
    He was supposed to go to the repair estimator directly after school, at 2:30. Instead, he went at 3:45. Lovely. The psychiatrist appointment was at 4:00. When I called him, he said, "Oh, I forgot. You didn't remind me." (Yep. Mom's fault. He's 18 and can move out, but can't be responsible for an apptmt.) And then, "I had some other plans. Do I have to go, even if I'm late?"
    I said yes, no matter what. I just wanted him to make the trip.
    I brought photos of difficult child's room and the pile of cat poop that has been piling up (guess I forgot to tell you all that ... one of the cats is afraid of the new puppy and lives in difficult child's room, except when she eats. difficult child refused to clean it. "I didn't put a gun to her head and force her to poop in my room! I'm not cleaning it up!")
    We told the psychiatrist about the falling grades, breaking up with-girlfriend, drinking with-one or two other girls, wrecking the mirror and side of the car, acting sick and out of it all the time, defiance, lack of cooperation, coming in at all hrs, etc.
    His impression was the difficult child was doing substance abuse, either pot or alcohol or both.
    He said he didn't want difficult child on Concerta is that was the case, and wrote a scrip for blood and urine workup.
    I figured I'd get difficult child to show up at the dr office to sign HIPPA forms and then follow him to the lab.
    We went to the lab and they had closed 5 min. before.
    What we don't want if for difficult child to gulp a pile of lithium and Concerta, hoping he can make up the difference.
    But we all agreed he's been doing something, because he knows he's not supposed to mix scrpts with-illegal drugs so he probably gave up the scrips to be "safe."
    I had posted about his b&w thinking before ... not sure if it was here or on the General Parenting Board.

    by the way, I went to Verizon yesterday to cut off all or some of difficult child's use, and the acct password is locked from overuse. Even the tech couldn't get in. And I had to add a $5/mo fee to have them actually cut off data usage when we rich the limit, instead of just sending us emails, telling us to upgrade. How aggravating!!!
    Almost as aggravating as difficult child.

    He texted me that he was on his way home an hr ago. NOT. Grr.

    So I may be posting on another board one of these days ...
    Typical.
     
  2. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I can say that we limit Bug's use of data through Verizon. It cuts her off after one gig. She burns through it in no time. I would bet that password is locked due to difficult child's attempts to make changes.
     
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  3. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    I would bet it is because he has some incriminating texts/photos/videos!
     
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hadn't thought about *his* trying to get in!
    And now my voicemail retrieval is broken and it will take 4 days for upper mgmt. tech support to fix. :(

    One good thing: I told difficult child that since he was 45 min. late coming home last night, and that this is becoming a pattern, he cannot have the car today. (He had it yesterday to go to the estimator.) I said, "You can keep the key on your ring. I trust you to leave the car."
    "I'm taking the car!!!"
    I turned and walked away.
    The car is in the driveway. Yay!
    He likes the word "trust."
    So do I.
    Wish I could use it more often.
     
  5. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I wish we had a ~ I don't know, a Board angel icon, so the parent could know we had read her post, and that we supported her, though we might not know how to comfort or help.

    But we don't. So, I wrote this post instead.

    ***

    I remember those kinds of things happening so often with our daughter when she was younger, Terry. I would not even be angry at her, most of the time. I was so desperate for someone to help her. I did not realize until I read your post how much of my lifetime was taken up with missed appointments or SWAT teams or Public Health Nurses or Social Workers coming to the house. Or with visits to treatment centers or runaway places, and how bad a mom I felt like, and how ashamed I was.

    Or visits to the police station.

    Or to Court.

    If I could have left that angel icon, I would have done that and let it go at that, but...maybe it is good that I did post.

    You are tied in so tight with your child at this point, like I was. It never occurred to me that there was somewhere else I might rather be. Even when daughter would not show up, I felt badly for her, for the help we might have been given. If I could do it (I would not have been able to then ~ I would not hear anything but that we could change this for her) but if I could do it, I wish I had been gentler with myself.

    I spent so much time condemning myself for choices I forbid her to make in the first place and I never got that piece. I took that on, somehow. I wish I could have separated my picture of myself as a mother from the choices my child made. (Against my will, against my advice, against anything and everything I had ever taught or told her.)

    I just wanted you to know that, Terry.

    Hold that comfort to your heart, hold it in reserve. Though it is right for us to help our kids when they are young, I wish there were some way for us to know then, while they are young, that what they are doing is not of our doing.

    I see that so clearly, now.

    It is after the kids have some measure of independence that the weirdnesses begin. It may be genetics. It may be drug use.

    But it isn't parenting.

    We used to tell a story here about a family headed by a single mom. The kids were all from different fathers, and had run drugs and even, pimped for the mom while they were growing up. However many children there were, every one of them grew up to be criminals but one.

    One child, same mom, same environment, different father, became a bus driver.

    A bus driver.

    And he held the job all his life and raised his kids and so on.

    If I could have known (if I could have believed that true story in relation to my own family) I would have suffered less and come through it sooner.

    That is what I wish you could know now, while your child is still so young.

    Whatever this is, it is not happening because of the way you parented him.

    In fact, I remember a therapist telling me that very thing, now that I think about it. What that therapist told me too was that the good things I had put into my daughter would be the things that would help her when she was ready.

    I did not want her to be helped when she was ready.

    I wanted to know how to help her, right then. But the person who had to want to help her was...her. And that is true to this very day.

    So, that is what I wanted you to know.

    :O)

    Cedar
     
  6. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I like that idea. :angel3:

    Hugs Terry....I wish I could help.
     
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Terry, now exasperating and exhausting. I am so sorry. Why don't you go have a massage or some other nurturing kind of thing? You SO deserve it! Sending you a BIG HUG!
     
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