Punishment

[InsaneCdn]

"superior intelligence". This may not at all be in the formal, academic sense. He does seem bright and aware. Creative in his thinking. That's what you read about ADHD kids, though. Did/does your brother have ADHD?

Yes, my bro was classic extreme ADHD - had every symptom in the book including problems with focus, but the focus issue wasn't the primary problem. Don't get hung up on the "superior" bit... although you just contradicted yourself a bit - creativity is a form of intellegence and yes, my brother has that too (his degree was in fine arts).


You're right - you don't take the "superior" term to school, but you can take the "sensitive" one - and the "immature" one... explaining that, as part of the uneven development, some aspects are advanced while others lag - and you suspect that J's perception is advanced while his coping skills are not.

The other concept you might want to take to school is the term "executive functions". THIS is where J is struggling - the inhibit function, for example (self-control). This is a common problem in ADHD - and can also occur with other disorders too (Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) being one of those).

As far as the focus thing goes? He may be "inattentive" rather than "hyper" in class... K2 had a fantastic, absolutely top Kindergarten teacher - who did not believe that K2 was ADD. She is... over the top. She can be looking right at you and her mind is somewhere else... but she's bright enough to catch the edges of what the teacher is saying at the same time, and so does "fairly" well - but medications made a huge diff. So... just because the teacher doesn't see a focus issue doesn't mean there isn't one. If its there, it will show up later as the school work gets heavier.

Just some ideas...

 

[Malika]

Well, perhaps I am contradicting myself - or perhaps it is, as usual, all down to what we mean by words Your mention of all your brother's degrees made me think you were talking about academic intelligence. J seems to have more of what I would call a PRACTICAL intelligence. Since I am not overly endowed with this myself, it always impresses me...
As for whether I am letting him get away with murder (not literally, bien sur) for the sake of a quiet life... He's definitely oppositional. If you try engaging him in that space by being equally oppositional, he seems to become a horrible little boy. Otherwise he is very sweet. It's odd. Or, more like ODD... but I am not engaging with that particular acronym

 

[Marguerite]

ODD (or what I carefully describe as something resembling ODD) functions like tug of war. If you are on opposite ends of the rope, each pulling in opposite directions, you will find that the game continues. But if you let go your end, he will fall over. Game over. Because once you engage in this game, you have already lost.

But as you have found, he responds to kindness much better. This is (to keep the analogy) where you go to his end of the rope and find something more effective to do with it. Together, as a team.

Marg

 

[InsaneCdn]

But as you have found, he responds to kindness much better. This is (to keep the analogy) where you go to his end of the rope and find something more effective to do with it. Together, as a team.

Marg -
Any words of wisdom on how to engage the teacher in this approach? I think Malika is trying that at home, and trying to get the "childminder" onto that page... but how to get the teacher there?

Of course - that's a problem many of us have with teachers!

 

[Marguerite]

I wrote a summary of "The Explosive Child" and gave it to the teacher. I sat down and role-played it with them. Also with the aide. The aide got it and was on board. And lately, the teachers all get it too.

I also always go in with the approach of "We're a team, you and I, in trying to meet the needs of this child. I know it isn't easy, I know you want to throttle him sometimes - believe me, I get it because I live with him. But if we can share with one another anything we find that helps, then we both can win."

I do find this helps de-fuse any potential hostility in most school staff. There will always be some hard cases you can't reach, however. But this teacher sounds reachable.

Marg

 

[HaoZi]

Time to get the teacher a copy of Lost in School?

 

[Malika]

Hi HaoZi - how's it going? Thanks for the suggestion but... I think I've gone as far as I can go with extending this teacher's cultural and other horizons by getting her to read the little book on hyperactivity in French. Giving her a book in English (no idea if she speaks any!) set in another culture would, I fear, be a bridge too far But like I say, I am at this stage really not complaining and apologies if I have given that impression... She is aproving much more open than I might initially have thought. Since I also envisage staying on in the village and J at the school for only another year, there is also no point in getting all worked up about things at this stage. Softly, softly catchee monkey...
Incidentally, amazing how much tougher skinned I have got. There's a little boy in the village, aged 7, who goes to the same school and that J has occasionally played with in the village. Last night he came to the house to play and when I asked him whether his parents knew he was with us he said (with all the disarming honesty of a 7 year old) that his parents didn't want him to come to our house to play with J and that if they knew he was there, he would be grounded. Once upon a time this would have really upset me - now I just think, well, they are really over-reacting, and I wonder what they are worried about and then I let it go...