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Punishment
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 459291" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>The teacher had a meeting yesterday and so asked to postpone our meeting until this evening. Meantime, I have been to see the childminder that J insists (with prolonged crying and complaints) he does not want to go to any more, saying also "she punishes me". I tried, obviously, to be as diplomatic and respectful as I could in talking to her and she did say at the end that I had put it all to her so nicely that she wanted to try and do as I asked... I explained as best I could that ADHD, though not visible was nonetheless real and that these children act on impulse without being able to stop themselves in the moment. I said that I had found that punishment simply didn't work and that it just made him more naughty and also feel very bad about himself. She says she understands and will try to take a different tone with him. So we'll see. </p><p>Thinking about it afterwards, I wondered whether J hates being punished so much because he seems to have such a need and desire for affection and warmth - so that if this is removed, as it obviously is when people are in admonishing/punishing mode, he feels he cannot bear it, will not accept it... But then, which of us likes being spoken to it harshly or critically?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 459291, member: 11227"] The teacher had a meeting yesterday and so asked to postpone our meeting until this evening. Meantime, I have been to see the childminder that J insists (with prolonged crying and complaints) he does not want to go to any more, saying also "she punishes me". I tried, obviously, to be as diplomatic and respectful as I could in talking to her and she did say at the end that I had put it all to her so nicely that she wanted to try and do as I asked... I explained as best I could that ADHD, though not visible was nonetheless real and that these children act on impulse without being able to stop themselves in the moment. I said that I had found that punishment simply didn't work and that it just made him more naughty and also feel very bad about himself. She says she understands and will try to take a different tone with him. So we'll see. Thinking about it afterwards, I wondered whether J hates being punished so much because he seems to have such a need and desire for affection and warmth - so that if this is removed, as it obviously is when people are in admonishing/punishing mode, he feels he cannot bear it, will not accept it... But then, which of us likes being spoken to it harshly or critically? [/QUOTE]
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