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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 459541" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Let's assume the teacher is speaking the truth. Let's also assume J is speaking the truth. Now, how can we reconcile this?</p><p></p><p>I think Ktllc has it. J sees things differently and interprets calm down time as punishment. And while he sees it this way, he will not calm down the way the teacher needs him to. What I think needs to happen is better communication between J and the teacher, perhaps facilitated/reinforced by you. If you do the same sort of things at home (the calm down place, perhaps with J working with you to choose a place and help furnish it) then it could de-fuse some of the conflict between him and his teacher.</p><p></p><p>Another possible factor - the other kids and what they perceive the situation to be; or if, perhaps, the other kids are teasing J and criticising him for being punished when he was sent to calm down.</p><p></p><p>As I've said in other threads - what often needs to happen, is to begin with whatever is happening in the child's head. That is the starting point. How he sees the world, how he interprets the data, is where you begin. He needs a translator of sorts, to interpret how others see the needs compared to how he does.</p><p></p><p>The multidisciplinary meeting sounds like a good idea. I don't see it as overkill at all.</p><p></p><p>This teacher sounds like she really wants to help. Even if she gets it wrong, her heart still seems to be in the right place. If she is prepared to inform herself, prepared to change her approach and work with you and J, then be generous in your assessment of her efforts and keep your mindset with her on the team approach, with you, J and the teacher being equal team members.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 459541, member: 1991"] Let's assume the teacher is speaking the truth. Let's also assume J is speaking the truth. Now, how can we reconcile this? I think Ktllc has it. J sees things differently and interprets calm down time as punishment. And while he sees it this way, he will not calm down the way the teacher needs him to. What I think needs to happen is better communication between J and the teacher, perhaps facilitated/reinforced by you. If you do the same sort of things at home (the calm down place, perhaps with J working with you to choose a place and help furnish it) then it could de-fuse some of the conflict between him and his teacher. Another possible factor - the other kids and what they perceive the situation to be; or if, perhaps, the other kids are teasing J and criticising him for being punished when he was sent to calm down. As I've said in other threads - what often needs to happen, is to begin with whatever is happening in the child's head. That is the starting point. How he sees the world, how he interprets the data, is where you begin. He needs a translator of sorts, to interpret how others see the needs compared to how he does. The multidisciplinary meeting sounds like a good idea. I don't see it as overkill at all. This teacher sounds like she really wants to help. Even if she gets it wrong, her heart still seems to be in the right place. If she is prepared to inform herself, prepared to change her approach and work with you and J, then be generous in your assessment of her efforts and keep your mindset with her on the team approach, with you, J and the teacher being equal team members. Marg [/QUOTE]
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