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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 459742" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Those adjectives could certainly apply to J, Insane - though perhaps I am a little hesitant about the idea that he has "superior intelligence". This may not at all be in the formal, academic sense. He does seem bright and aware. Creative in his thinking. That's what you read about ADHD kids, though. Did/does your brother have ADHD? He is certainly perceptive, emotionally intelligent in the sense that he can tell what people are feeling and is responsive to that - and immature? Yes, I have no problem with that description <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Except that, as I believe you have said before, there is a kind of uneven development - so in some ways he seems more mature than your typical 4 year old. Will often be self-assured in new situations, for example, to the point of "cockiness" in a way that is odd for such a little boy. Anyway, each child is a unique combination of characteristics and I am sure every young child could be described at great length <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> It is useful for me to hear the description though I can wryly imagine the reaction if I now went into school to announce to the teacher that J is actually (in French) superior and sensitive <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> She would be give me even shorter shrift than she has done, I think.</p><p>The "issue" in school, Keista, is in play time where, along with other boys, J is prone to being sanctioned frequently (though not according to the teacher now - I am a little wary of how she seems to dress things up when I speak to her). He does not present problems of concentration or behaviour in the class, which is mainly why the teacher is questioning the diagnosis of ADHD. I told her that the child psychiatrist explains this by saying that he is on the extreme end of the hyperactivity spectrum rather than the attention deficit spectrum... If I had not spoken about any of this, J would not be seen as anything other than a turbulent little boy who needs more discipline. This is really why I am trying to flag it up, I suppose - because I know that greater punitive discipline doesn't solve anything but on the contrary aggravates it. </p><p>I have a lot of work at the moment and yesterday J went to a childminder. Because he is so resistant to the other one, I had telephoned another childminder in the area and we had a trial run. When I picked him up at the end of the afternoon yesterday she said the day had gone excellently and that he was really very sweet. Firstly she has far more suitable premises than the other lady, who is cramped in a small flat with two other children - a garden with swimming pool that J can use and a field with a pony, believe it or not, which J had a grand time grooming. But it is also clear from our conversations that she understands J's type of personality - she said she had had another little girl like that, hyperactive and extremely sensitive, and it was a question of heading them off before they got to meltdown point and not being overly authoritarian with them. What a blessing, if it all continues this well! J was delighted with the experience - another little boy there for him to play with - and wanted to go today as well <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p>So while it might seem like I am "spoiling" J by trying to get the right conditions for him all the time - and there could be an argument that I am not helping prepare him for the tough "real world" that does not make concessions - it is just a question of creating as much peacefulness and happiness for himself and others as possible. Most of our time together now is peaceful and happy (don't get me wrong - there are exceptions, such as last night when he played a teasing, provoking game of refusing to brush his teeth that made me really cross...) and this is so much better than how things used to be... These kids need special handling, I suppose.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 459742, member: 11227"] Those adjectives could certainly apply to J, Insane - though perhaps I am a little hesitant about the idea that he has "superior intelligence". This may not at all be in the formal, academic sense. He does seem bright and aware. Creative in his thinking. That's what you read about ADHD kids, though. Did/does your brother have ADHD? He is certainly perceptive, emotionally intelligent in the sense that he can tell what people are feeling and is responsive to that - and immature? Yes, I have no problem with that description :) Except that, as I believe you have said before, there is a kind of uneven development - so in some ways he seems more mature than your typical 4 year old. Will often be self-assured in new situations, for example, to the point of "cockiness" in a way that is odd for such a little boy. Anyway, each child is a unique combination of characteristics and I am sure every young child could be described at great length :) It is useful for me to hear the description though I can wryly imagine the reaction if I now went into school to announce to the teacher that J is actually (in French) superior and sensitive :) She would be give me even shorter shrift than she has done, I think. The "issue" in school, Keista, is in play time where, along with other boys, J is prone to being sanctioned frequently (though not according to the teacher now - I am a little wary of how she seems to dress things up when I speak to her). He does not present problems of concentration or behaviour in the class, which is mainly why the teacher is questioning the diagnosis of ADHD. I told her that the child psychiatrist explains this by saying that he is on the extreme end of the hyperactivity spectrum rather than the attention deficit spectrum... If I had not spoken about any of this, J would not be seen as anything other than a turbulent little boy who needs more discipline. This is really why I am trying to flag it up, I suppose - because I know that greater punitive discipline doesn't solve anything but on the contrary aggravates it. I have a lot of work at the moment and yesterday J went to a childminder. Because he is so resistant to the other one, I had telephoned another childminder in the area and we had a trial run. When I picked him up at the end of the afternoon yesterday she said the day had gone excellently and that he was really very sweet. Firstly she has far more suitable premises than the other lady, who is cramped in a small flat with two other children - a garden with swimming pool that J can use and a field with a pony, believe it or not, which J had a grand time grooming. But it is also clear from our conversations that she understands J's type of personality - she said she had had another little girl like that, hyperactive and extremely sensitive, and it was a question of heading them off before they got to meltdown point and not being overly authoritarian with them. What a blessing, if it all continues this well! J was delighted with the experience - another little boy there for him to play with - and wanted to go today as well :) So while it might seem like I am "spoiling" J by trying to get the right conditions for him all the time - and there could be an argument that I am not helping prepare him for the tough "real world" that does not make concessions - it is just a question of creating as much peacefulness and happiness for himself and others as possible. Most of our time together now is peaceful and happy (don't get me wrong - there are exceptions, such as last night when he played a teasing, provoking game of refusing to brush his teeth that made me really cross...) and this is so much better than how things used to be... These kids need special handling, I suppose. [/QUOTE]
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