pure vent about difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Jun 7, 2011.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i know i haven't been here much and i'm sorry. You guys got a break from my rapid posting :)

    I just had to vent about my daughter. I hold it inside and than it boilith over.......

    she is so difficult. our typical day begins with me threatening her with all i can take away to get her out of bed. i than pour water on her. Even than still she won't awaken totally. I try to stay calm, yet it's hard when I know the tutors will be knocking on the door within minutes.

    I than have to fight with-her to look for her books to be prepared, to put clean clothes on she'll wear same outfit for 3 days and i'm sorry natural consequences isn't a road i'm going down again with the smelly kid syndrome.

    after tutors i'Tourette's Syndrome the usual chaos..... where are we going, what are we doing, her trying to find snacks that i now have to hide in my room and clear all cabinets out because its' all she's eating as of late. minimal real food. she'll fill up on decent snacks like granola bars, graham crackers. we dont' even get cookies anymore.

    rest of the day let's hope nothing sets her off because if it does she's irritable, nasty, and just someone you dont' wanna be around.

    have to fight with-her to take a shower. yesterday she lost her easy child for 2 days if she didn't shower. guess what she chose to lose the easy child LOL.

    than at night, wow let's not even go there............ therapist said have a cable wire run so the kid can fall asleep to tv on. ok great finally got that done. what does she do goes in kitchen while i'm trying to sleep totally ignoring her with my door closed. in the a.m. her bed has plates, food, bowels etc under it. totally disgusting.

    she can never find her school books, her clothes or anything else. been making her clean room oncea week yet it doesn't help much. she's a slob, lacks organization skills totally.

    than we have the smelly pee pull ups all over the flr that the puppy will go after if she doesn't dispose of them.

    i just want to scream~! i've had it. i'm tired. i'm beat up. and it's just been enough. my mom had her past weekend because i wanted a break. upon my return she said i love her, she'sa smart girl yet i have no clue how you do it after two days i've had enough i could never handle her on a daily basis. she's up till 3 each night, forget medications it's a joke only thing zyprexa has done is make her fat. yes shes' so large its' crazy. we're heading up to 150 now. from 80 lbs mos. ago when she was sick.

    so i'm tired of her pyshc doctor always playing it safe with anti anxiety medications. enough with that also. get some you know what and put her on a mood stablizer. if the kid truly is bipolar she isn't being medicated the right way and hasn't for years. am i nervous about using them? yes. yet i'm more nervous about her going back to school in september and tanking again which at this rate she will.

    the cbt also a joke. he's a great guy truly. yet she's too far gone for that bs. he's like ah she's doing great. only thing it's done is really made her aware of how she acts. which i guess is a plus.

    so, that's my rant for today. we're at the end now 2 more weeks of tutors. am i happy? yes to an extent. yet a kid with no friends all summer long will also not be easy on me.

    so i have a mtg. with her dr on the 24th and im going to say enough with the b.s. anti up let's medicate right i'm tired of your games and asking me what medication she should take be a dr.

    ahhh thanks for letting me do that. i skipped my yoga for two days and it def. shows :)
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    Before you tell the doctor to just be a doctor, try to figure out what specifics you want. If you say just be a doctor, then he might rx medications for bipolar or adhd or something you have never heard of. So take the medication protocol from The Bipolar Child (read as much as you can between now and the appointment) and insist that he be a doctor and add mood stabilizers to her zyprexa. Together they may truly work for her where one medication doesn't have a prayer of working alone.

    Again, if you have the book, dust it off and start plowing through the part on medications, anxiety and other things that she has issues with. Otherwise get the book and get to reading. Do NOT go to that appointment with-o the medication protocol for bipolar eihter bookmarked in the book or printed out on paper. Odds are the doctor is going to want to give her an SSRI like lexapro or prozac and you already know that isn't a good thing (I think I remember she did not do well on that type of medication - but I have had five hrs of sleep in 4 days so I may be foggy.). I have NO clue why but docs seem to want to give the bipolar diagnosis but not treat it the way the protocol says. they want to go with quick and easy that they remember from some drug co rep - and they have profits in mind not patients. Once he rx's something, you ahve to go ahead and give it to her. You have let doubts about medications talk you out of many in the past, but if she cannot get some help the kid is never going to have a chance at a healthy adult life - not just healthy in body but mentally and emotionally healthy.

    With the mood stabilizers you will likely see a lot of side effects and no real results for what seems like forever. It takes a few weeks or a month to titrate up to a therapeutic dose and another 4-6 weeks at that dose to see the effects. If you can push through the side ffects with-o changing the medication, you may see magic around the end of the 6 weeks at the right dose. But if you stop the medication the first few weeks, well, you probably won't find any medications that will help her. many of the side effects truly go away or the body becomes used to them and they are not a problem but it takes time to get used to them.

    You have time before the doctor appointment, so start getting ready for it NOW. It is the best way to get a good outcome for difficult child AND the peace/help you need because your own health issues.

    As for showering, if she won't go shower, take her outside with a bar of soap or bottle of shampoo and turn the hose on her. I can remember my mother doing that to my bro when he hit an age wehre he refused to bathe. Of course it then b ackfired and for about five years he took three or more showers a day - always about three min before we had to leave to go somewhere he had to "jump in" and ended up taking half an hour or more, lol. The hose will either be fun and she will then start going out and hosing off with some soap fairly often or she will HATE it and will shower to avoid the hose.
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i've love to do that and be a pyscho mom yet try dragging a child her weight outside not happening. yes i will be going with the book. i'm tired of the b.s.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Meanwhile....how 'bout mixing it up a bit. Her bath or shower has to be finished before she ??? (turns on the tv for the evening, for example) and she must decide and layout what clothes she is going to wear in the morning. Oops, forgot. In addition to her clean clothes her books and supplies must also be laid out. Then she can settle in for the night..such as it is. Those steps were extremely helpful with difficult child because, lol, it actually decreased his anxiety.

    Regarding snacking at night I've been there done that and the only answer that worked was to allow a stash in the bedroom to avoid kitchen raids. difficult child got to choose what he thought he would need/want and had to bring the dirty dishes back into the kitchen in the morning. In his case the hunger was the result of one of his medications. He's been on that same medication for close to ten years and still eats at night BUT once we added Trazadone to help him sleep he no longer was up every night.

    I think it's necessary for your to do your homework before the next appointment but, truthfully, I don't get the impression that difficult child has actually been appropriately evaluated to know which diagnosis is correct. No doubt she has anxiety but there's more there. I really believe a current neuro/psychiatric evaluation would alleviate alot of your stress and remove alot of the guesswork. Going back to school will have a far greater chance of being successful if you all know what her specific problems are and can get appropriate medictions in her system before the summer is over. Good luck. DDD
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    Your difficult child sounds A LOT like mine.

    Have you tried melatonin for sleep? DD1 loves it because she's not tortured any more by bed time intrusive thoughts for 2-3 hrs. Occasionally she'll feel she's tired enough and doesn't need it, but sure enough those thoughts come racing in and within 45 mins she's asking for the melatonin.
    I've always allowed this because I need to do it myself - if you can zone in on the TV the intrusive thoughts get pushed to the background. Unfortunately when the thoughts are really bad or if it's at the point of real insomnia, then it doesn't work. I still allow it with the melatonin, and now sometimes, the girls turn ff the TV themselves.

    Pee pull ups. OY! mine would actually HOARD them. Yes, instead of picking up and throwing out, she would 'consciously' pick them up find a hiding place and put them there. Same amount of work - what gives? Unfortunately, it's an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) thing, and that can't get medicated away. Just have to keep on them and on them and on them and, well, you know, on them.

    When psychiatrist suggested risperdal or Abilify for DD1, I only gave the risperdal a slight chance because that's what the insurance would cover. Once insurance was changed we went with Abilify. Still waiting to see if it really is right for her, but it does seem to be touching all those facets of anxiety that the paxil couldn't get to and without severe weight gain (HUGE side effect concern for me). Now since I've found this forum and started reading The Bipolar Child, I know I won't let her be having any SSRIs in the near future, and while a true mood stabilizer should be rxed for BiPolar (BP), she's not really BiPolar (BP), so if the Abilify works, I'm gonna keep her there, if not, I'll serious consider the mood stabilizers.

    Odd thing about DD1 and hygiene/cleanliness is that she says she wants fashionable clothes, and puts together nice outfit, etc, but then refuses to take any responsibility in caring for them or herself. She refuses to wear bras (already needs them at 10) Will put on stained or ripped clothes and not care. Fortunately she showers regularly but I do have to remind her.

    Hang in there!
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i have no doubt in her diagnosis at all. i can't pay for yet another 6k neuropsychologist that i'm still paying off she had just 2 years ago. it's just she needs to be medicated the right way. we keep playing the anxiety medications. she needs to be on a mood stabilizer in my opinion and let's see what i'm left with. besides me having difficulties in coping thru her junk and we've tried all scenarios so i appreciate the advise yet i've done it all, she too is suffering from it all ya know. :)
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Yeah. Her suffering is part of why I think you need to take the book and push the doctor to follow it. Many docs just don't want to do the mood stabilizers because many require blood tests before starting and regularly. they say it is because the tests are "too traumatic' for the child. Hogwash. Yes, it may be a problem to do the tests, but not harder than her spending every single day of her life not functioning at all. But you have to rub their noses in the fact that with-o the medication protocol they have 1000X the problems each day as they have with the blood tests.

    It just isn't fair to her to have to mickey mouse around with various medications that are so unlikely to help her. If the doctor still gives you static or resistance, ask him how the medications and bloodwork stack up against the much higher risk of suicide that people with untreated bipolar have. Not fun to think about, at any time. But it does tend to get the doctors to pay attention. in my opinion at least.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sorry, Jena. I thought I recalled that it had been four years since she was evaluated and we did get more complete results from the second N/P evaluation we had done two years after the first. I just reread your signature info and see she has been diagnosis'd with BiPolar (BP) etc. As we all know anxiety medications don't touch that issue, geez what were they thinking. DDD
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    kiesta sheesh they do sound a bit similar. mine hoards also lol. she refuses to shower, hoards, is irrritable, doestn' sleep when manic, argumentative list goes on and on.

    DDD that's fine, you can't remember everything now can you? :)

    susie yes thats what i'll be doing. we've been dancing around this for years, if the kid has BiPolar (BP) and she's been diagnosis'd with it more times than i'd like to recall than let's medicate accordingly.