Pushing other people---Why?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by liltreasures, Mar 30, 2008.

  1. liltreasures

    liltreasures LilTreasures

    Anybody have an idea why difficult child is pushing other people/kids? He doesn't communicate his feelings, so I have to ask others who work with those who can communicate what might be going on in his head. Everything will be going fine, then all of a sudden he will lash out in frustration. They can't seem to find an antecedent, except to say that it's task avoidance.

    The vice-principle from the high school calls me when he does that, and I have to go get him. He goes back to school tomorrow, and I'm dreading sending him. Just the apprehension is starting to stress me out.

    I know this is a vague kind of question, but maybe, just maybe, someone knows what can help him. He was pushing his little cousin today for what seemed to be no reason. I wonder if he just doesn't like the way she looks at him (little kids stare sometimes because he's 14 but doesn't act like it). She didn't seem bothered about being pushed, but difficult child was sitting on his bed crying. All he would say was "scared." I don't know if he meant her or himself.

    I wish we knew what he feels so we could help him.
  2. looking4hope

    looking4hope New Member

    Pushing is a way to get someone out of their space. difficult child needs to learn to use his words first (easier said than done, I know) without physically reacting. Is he undergoing any behavioral therapy? This might help him to learn to react appropriately.

    My difficult child reacted much the same way, but he was much younger when it happened. It took about two years to get him to use words instead of shoves, but he eventually got it. I hope that you can find something that works for you.

    My heart is with you. I'm sending you virtual hugs!!
  3. liltreasures

    liltreasures LilTreasures

    I see you are in No. Calif. too. I'm in the Sierra foothills.

    And living in a rural community leaves us with few resources, unless we drive the 1 - 1 1/2 hour drive to Sacramento. I was told that behavioral intervention wouldn't work for difficult child because he can't communicate well enough to participate. And his short term memory is questionable.

    I know this forum isn't exactly where we should be, but I needed to get connected somewhere. Questions about medications brought me here, and I know you guys can help me with that!
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I'm just guessing here, but it sounds to me as if he's engaging in a "fight-or-flight" response to stress. It appears that something is stressing him, and he's reacting by fighting rather than fleeing.

    Have you read The Explosive Child? While I'm not sure all the techniques will be helpful with a child who doesn't communicate his feelings, there are quite a few chapters that explain how our "easily frustrated, chronically inflexible" children think. It might be enlightening to you.