Q has lost his mind and the meeting was stupid but at least ...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Mar 6, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    The meeting was stupid of course. They wanted to talk about his strengths and weaknesses AGAIN and ultimately it was to make everyone say that they feel he needs a restrictive placement. We again emphasized that going from a mainstream setting to the most intensive restrictive (practically alone all day) placement is not offering a continuum of services and it is not an option.

    OK.... back up...... Q was already freaked out as usual because when he knows we are having a meeting his anxiety goes up. He again started with the God questions and when will they decide if I can go to school etc. I got him mc donalds and a shake (yeah not good) on the way to my mom's and then she was going to take him to the library where we would meet him and bring him in.

    he wouldn't give me my straw so I reached back to grab it and he pulled back and I grabbed onto the shake that was tipping and he squeezed and ...shamrock shake all over the car, thank you very much. He was so mad but I would not get a new one.

    So took him to mom's and they did ok and while we were at the meeting I warned the home bound person that he has always, 100% of the time fallen apart on meeting days.

    ok...back to the meeting....

    Bottom line they wanted me to agree to SUN2 AND THEN have the team talk about other options that they are sure they have blah blah blah. I said, by the time he is there people will say he has to prove he can do this or that and it will NEVER happen. I have been there with him. He just needs to be put into the situation and learn with support right in the actual situation. Well we need to have a team and there has to be a team to do the IEP and to identify those people we need a placement, UMMMM NO, we dont need an IEP to meet with those people, find out if what they think they could do can really be done, we can meet and get them to state if it is doable and then everyone on paper agree to that (it is called a draft) and then when I make the decision we can re-write the IEP knowing those services are actually going to be happening.

    They finally agreed to the meeting, the voc rehab people will be there (they kept saying JR year again, I said no way...we start NOW)

    So....we go back to the library, Q is clearly fired up....but got in my car, asked about God again, I reassured him he is fine again, he got out went into the room with the two teachers and 15 minutes later they say he is videoing things and saying bad words...can you take it from him... Really predictable he would come after me at that point so he did, came running out punching and kicking... he went back in and sat down... I said, you know he erases it and it wont be on FB or anything... why not tell him to video tape the math problems and his doing the answers etc.


    so they go back in...start to pay a game together to see if he will join... UMMMM remember, two adults talking around him is a TRIGGER.

    So I see them walk out because he is spitting and upset.

    I remind them that this is a trigger that has been identified for years. Plus the girl who is with her is associated with the middle school so any behaviors associated with that site are in his mind as he pictures his times with her. It is how his brain works. They are going to see if there is a district place they can meet with him, welll...that is what I suggested from the beginning.

    DUH

    SO I told them to just go home. No they are worried for me. I said, if you stay here it will be a problem. If you leave it will be fine. They hang out.... he is panicking and comes out and hits me in the side of my head and kicks me. I tell them to leave and he runs up and hugs me, I'm sorry mom, can we just go??? so we left and he is so upset.


    they did agree for me to have a tour with an independent Special Education. district that they dont even have a membership with but it is one that my advocate likes. They are building a state of the art building designed for unique learners that was created by people who use gentle teaching approaches etc. I have not been allowed to tour because of confidentiality, they will only show parents referred there. Our district always says no according to the advocate. It costs over 100,000/dollars per year to send a student there. BUT they said they will let me choose that site as a district placement, provide transport and the law advocate says that means they are really scared. In all her years of asking for that, they have NEVER agreed to it. (One kid was already there when the family moved in district, and they did leave him there so they do have that kid there though)

    Not sure it is what I want but at least there is an option.
     
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for both of you to decompress after yet another stupid meeting. on the other hand, it sure sounds like good news if there's a chance of out of district approval for the "gentle learning" school. I'll be hoping and praying that they expedite your tour and introduction to the facility...and even more, that the school is appropriate for his best chance at positive education.

    by the way, I got difficult child#2 hooked up with Voc/Rehab in ninth grade if I remember correctly. Just want you to know that there were bi-annual "stupid" meetings required where he was "seen" and then asked "what do you want to do when you are thru with school?" Every six months, of course, he gave a different answer depending on what he'd seen on tv or dreamed about. Sigh! "I want to be a surgeon." WTH! "I'm going to be a priest." Each time the lady wrote it down like it was an attainable goal, LOL. BUT there have been opportunities that came from Voc/Rehab after he graduated. So my advice is don't expect much for awhile (understatement) but eventually they can provide resources.

    Meanwhile I'm sending another big comforting hug for your both. DDD
     
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Buddy--

    That's sounds awful!

    But I do like the sound of the "gentle" school. Maybe that would be a good thing?
     
  4. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    I just have to say that I admire your courage and patience. It sounds as if you've been at this for a very long time. I don't know your whole situation, as I am new- but you mentioning that he talks about God a lot kind of hit me. Tonight, as difficult child(8) was spending some quality time in his room, he drew crosses all over his body. We are not an overly religious family, but he says prayers with husband every night. Between the ages of 4-6 he often screamed "HELP ME GOD!", as if he was being beaten or hurt... he was only sitting in a timeout. Lately he has turned his sights on God, asking for a cross necklace (because a little girl on the bus sits and tells him her version of religion) and it just makes me wonder. What kinds of things does your son ask about God?
     
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi Hope, this has been a long standing, on again, off again thing he perseverates on. Partly because of his black and white thinking, partly because he is actually really wanting to believe and has a child's unquestioning faith....until recently.

    I always did the night time prayer, actually often simple little songs. Our prayers matched his language level and it morphed into his of course... asking God for things. But he had a children's bible and it showed pictures of "the devil" and he had questions and I answered as short and sweet and because I was raised with Catholic guilt, I try to play down that whole side of things. but true to form he focused on it. he would ask GOd to make rain stop in some state where a NASCAR race was etc.... we can't go to church and tried some church camps etc. but he was not tolerated well, sigh. I always find that ironic to say it in a nice way.

    Over the last few years he wants to know if people he learned about like Hitler is in hell. Is Hitler and Osama Bin Laden worse than he is ??? they go to the bad place but he will be ok and go to heaven even though he does mean things sometimes too. What abou tthe guys who crashed the towers?? Am I worse than them?? He has lots of things he worries about and gets really stuck in his thinking. He recently had to leave his school, he did do an unkind thing but he was assaulted by a staff member in the process so I wont let him back there... but he puts it on himself, Right now, he is just really afraid he will not get to go to heaven because he is realizing he can't really see God, so doesn't really believe HE could be real, so if he wonders about that and God knows that then will that mean he wont go to heaven??? I can actually remember thinking I didn't know if God was real and so I would at least act as if because I could not force my brain to fully believe if I simply didn't. I had forgotten that till he started talking about it. He needs a lot of reassurance.

    There are a ton of reasons I suspect this is such a hot topic for him right now, but as I say it has been on and off a lot. This time it is to a degree where he can't sleep at night sometimes.

    KInd of a bummer.
     
  6. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    Poor guy! (((hugs to him)))

    For now, at least, L thinks that God is on his side and against us. I can't imagine what I would say if he felt he might go to hell. I think he does have very low self esteem and is always saying "I'm stupid" after a consequence. He's even said things like "I should just shoot myself in the head.". We try to compliment him on everything he does that is good, let him know we notice. He's either very negative when in trouble, or very narccisistic and entitled. (He screamed at husband to get out of HIS house the other day.)
     
  7. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    Poor guy! (((hugs to him)))

    For now, at least, L thinks that God is on his side and against us. I can't imagine what I would say if he felt he might go to hell. I think he does have very low self esteem and is always saying "I'm stupid" after a consequence. He's even said things like "I should just shoot myself in the head.". We try to compliment him on everything he does that is good, let him know we notice. He's either very negative when in trouble, or very narcissistic and entitled. (He screamed at husband to get out of HIS house the other day.)
     
  8. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I have no advice just ((hugs)).
     
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