Que sera, sera...........

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by New Leaf, Mar 16, 2016.

  1. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    I have been reading some material on detachment and what it entails.
    I have swung to the other side of the pendulum and find myself a bit hardened and resentful of past hurts and experiences.

    In this, I have much to learn about accepting the life my two have chosen, and loving them anyway.

    I find it a bit hard to grasp, that my two are addicts, that when they are verbally abusive, or making horrendous choices.....it is the addiction talking.

    With acceptance, I can move on and live my life.

    I can love them unconditionally, and throw away the hours of worry which actually translates to a desire to control the outcome.

    Which I have no control of.

    I guess I have to listen to Doris Days old song, "Que Sera, Sera" whatever will be, will be.......
    Huh.


    Easier said, then done.

    But, what I am reading is about how humans tend to mirror one another's emotions, anxiety and despair being right up there.

    This can immobilize our loved ones even further.

    What if I "didn't care?"

    What?

    As I read the article below, I am still trying to grasp that whole concept.
    http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Love-Unconditionally-Martha-Becks-Advice

    The gist of the article talks about focusing on living our lives without being so emotionally tied to what our loved ones are doing, or have done.

    When we "care less" it gives them the freedom to take on their own responsibility for their actions.

    I am still looking into this.
    Trying to swallow the concept.

    I have worked so hard to detach that I have built this wall about me and I am afraid to let my guard drop for fear I will swing back to the enabling. I am figuring that I have physically detached, decided that I will not give them any money, or have them live with me.
    But,
    I have not truly emotionally detached, because If I have, I would not need the wall.
    Walls take a lot of work to build and uphold.
    It is not really me, role, not real.

    I am afraid of being hurt again.


    What if I could just be their mother.
    The mother that says, "I love you dear and I am sure you will figure this out."

    Then, not spend time fretting and worrying over the outcome as if my life depended upon what was happening to the kids.

    Actually, their life depends on the choices they make and I have no control over that.

    I can love them anyway.

    Regardless of the choices they make, I can love them.
    I just cannot "fix" them.

    I am thinking of my journey with my two, and what I have to work on for myself.

    It seems a never ending saga, with chapter after chapter.

    All of the emotional upheaval and stress I have gone through as a reaction to my kids choices has been damaging, to say the least.

    So much devastation to myself, and the kids are going to keep making their choices no matter what.......so what is all the despair for?

    In the long run, I am trying to learn to live my life without being so darned attached emotionally to what is happening to my adult kids.

    How to live and let live?

    Still love, without going down that old rabbit hole?

    So live, love, and let live?


    Que sera, sera..........

    leafy
     
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