Queen Bees and Wannabees--do you know any?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    These are people, children and adults, who want to be in charge, run the show, be everyone's hero, and overwhelm everybody else. In school they are usually or were usually, if now adults, the "popular" kids who sat at their own table and made you sit somewhere else. As adults, they want to run the parent-teacher groups at school, be the leaders of all groups, a nd tend to hang around school to gain favors for their children (they hope).

    I knew plenty of them as a kid. We all did. And I was not allowed to sit at their table. Fortunately, I didn't want to or look up to them, but they had a lot of power, even over t he teachers.

    I had none in my family. I can say t hat for them...if they wanted to rule the roost, it didn't happen, EXCEPT in the family (mother).

    At work there have been a few cliques at certain jobs.

    It's interesting how this popular crowd thing doesn't end with youth for some people.

    Just thinking about this topic this morning because while sorting books at work yesterday, I came across the book with that title "Queen Bees and Wannabees" and I read it a long time ago.

    Ok, just my morning thoughts.
  2. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member


    My hub's buddy's wife is exactly like this. Knew it from the first time I met her (and from some of the things hub said while describing her to me).

    The three of them (hub, his buddy, her) wanted us to all be great buddies and hang out a lot. I did a few times in the early days, but I really don't care for her gossiping, bullying, mean girl style in how she treats her friends,and worse--the people she doesn't like--and there are many!

    You know how they say, look at how someone treats the wait staff at a restaurant?

    Yeah, she does that.

    It was difficult for hubby but I put my foot down. And he started seeing her for who she is.

    Sad thing is, her kids are just like her.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    She probably raised them to be Queen Bees. Too bad. It's very arrogant.
  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    She did by role-modeling if no other way.

    Interestingly, her son, who flunked out of college at the end of this school year, (his first year) came back and none of his old friends (including my 19yo step-son) want anything to do with him. They all got tired of his act at some point and now he is totally stunned. He came by the other day and asked hub why son never wants to hang out with him anymore.
  5. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I work with a lady who fits this to a T. She has to be in control of everything and has an opinion on everything. If you say the sky is blue she will follow that with, let me tell you why you're wrong.
    It's really sad because she does not see how no one wants to be around her.

    There is so much truth in this. Love it!!
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I seem to drive them nuts and they loathe me. Mostly I don't really care. Only one has ever gotten me so angry I broke down. She tied me in knots and made my life miserable for 2 years by enlisting all the teachers to oppose anything I thought was a good idea. She also got the teachers to mistreat Wiz, which is why I got so upset and stayed that way. I learned Wiz' rights and how to make them treat him well until we chose to homeschool him so that he could learn at his pace. I apparently make one QB and her WB niece still foam at the mouth, almost 20 yrs after my last contact with them. Is that a skill or a gift?
  7. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    This is my sister. A complete control freak.

    She prides herself in how she can destroy people. She needs to be better than other people. She must live in the most elegant neighborhood. She needs to evoke the sense in others that they are inferior to her.


    But the thing is as a child she was insecure. So was I. Our childhoods were difficult.

    Until my sister was in her twenties she would start a new job and throw up from anxiety.

    In mid-life she changed. She decided to be a predator and not the prey.

    While I try not to be the prey anymore, I empathize with those that are. My whole life I identified with the vulnerable. Especially when I became less so.
    Me too.
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2015
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    When my kids were in elementary school (which is when you see them the most in a school setting) they didn't like me either. Or maybe they did and that's just how they work with one another. I remember standing next to one of them and she started badmouthing another Queen Bees little boy, telling me how he went through her drawers and stole money and blah, blah, blah. It was none of my business and s he hardly knew me. I thought, "If she'll talk about her friend's son that way to a stranger, she'll do t he same to mine." I couldn't stop her, of course, but I didn't have to be her friend.

    I have always avoided cliques. They seem like Mean Girls all over again and there is always some drama and lots of gossip and backstabbing.

    When I was a kid, I was bullied by these Queen Bees. Now I didn't want them to like me. I didn't want a nything to do with them socially. I just wished they'd leave me alone. But they were not even nice to each other so they were not going to leave me alone until I learned how to speak back in a way that made them look silly to their friends (and I did learn this and it did stop).

    My sister wanted to be "popular." I used to hear her on our phone as our house afforded not privacy and there were no cell phones. When it was her turn for the mean girls to hate on her, she'd be bawling and asking what she did wrong and it made me roll my eyes and think, "Why do you care? Tell them to taking a flying leap."f

    By high school, back in adult land, I didn't see Queen Bee moms again until Jumper because my other kids were not active in school activities so I stayed away from school unless I had to go because of some academic issue. When Jumper came along, doing her sports star thing, I met the Queen Bee moms in droves. They all seemed to want to talk to me because of Jumper's star status. It was a small town and most were pretty nice to me and complimentary toward Jumper. It was an interesting experience. I did not befriend the crowd of Queens and Kings, partly because although they hung together it was usually a drink fest and hubby and I don't drink and don't enjoy watching drunk people, but no matter what...because of Jumper, they were very kind to us.

    Opportunistic group and interesting to study psychologically as a layperson who is interested in behavior, b ut certainly did not want to join in. They had falling outs too and you'd know it even though you weren't there because suddenly one mom was shunned by the group and sat alone or with new people and once in a while they'd come to me and talk about it because I really was not in the group and usually chose to sit (with my hubby) way on top of t he bleachers by a few other non-queen bee mothers and fathers.

    Heard a lot of stories that sounded like Mean Girls Plus since they were now adults. Always tried to be very kind and friendly to those who had been "kicked out." In our schools group of Mean Girls, it was unusual for the kicked out member to be allowed back in. Or maybe the person decided, "I'm done."