Questioing everything...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Jan 29, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I might just be paranoid so I'm hoping others here can help me think clearly. I don't get this guy who was going off so much at the county meeting. It seemed like everything I had been told was a lie. They said this one lady was heading the meeting and she was introduced as such, but she really only said the first sentence and sat there and typed stuff up the rest of the time.

    The guy kept going on and on about difficult child needing behavior mod, but never once asked what his profs recommended. He was not introduced as a mental health professional but as a part of the funding agency. He never asked if I thought difficult child was still a danger to himself or others, even though I said he'd been in acute psychiatric hospital twice in a month and was not discharged because he was stable, he was discharged because that's all my insurance covers (approx 5 days) and psychiatrist there thought that at that moment difficult child was not an imminent danger. They knew difficult child had put a knife in my face and had self- injured. They never asked or mentioned anything about if I was afraid that he would harm himself or me or anyone else and just ignored it if I tried to bring that up.. The questions I got asked were asked in a way that sounded more like an interrogation than a discussion. When I tried to ask what exactly did they mean by in-home services, that I had learned the hard way not to commit to something until I knew what specificly it involved, he said they deal with behavior first, then if there are any mental health problems, they'll look at those. He never asked what had been tried already and failed. He had no mental health records of difficult child. He only cared about what difficult child's legal history was and suggesting mst but asking a lady from mental health what she thought. He asked her "I think they need mst, what do you think". She rolled her eyes and said at this point "extensive in home services". He said "can you provide that?" She said "yes, we have a program".

    The PO said I refused to comply with MST last year- that is not true. I requested a hearing and had the order removed because I had recommendations for difficult child's treatment from profs. The guy said no Residential Treatment Center (RTC) gives any more psychiatrist care than what I'm getting for difficult child now. I don't think that's true either- not based on what my therapist said anyway. But my therapist said it had to be a psychiatric Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    Then, PO started her conversation yesterday saying "you know what was discussed yesterday, well, I am making it an order so now it is part of difficult child's rules of probation and you have to comply or else you will be breaking his probation rules and you will have to appear at a hearing and answer to the judge". She also said it would be behavior mod with some therapy for the mental health issues. This is EXACTLY what she said about mst- which was not true. There was NO discussion about mental health issues with mst guy and when I tried to bring it up, he would cut me off. When I said something like well that wouldn't be enough, then she said well how do you know what you'd be getting- you are refusing help before you even know what you'd be getting. I said you just told me you ordered what was discussed and what was discussed will not be enough to solve the problems in this house. She said I had asked questions that they had no answers to, so she went ahead and ordered this. Am I the only person that sees this as a set-up? Then after I acted unsure, she said well she might have ordered it from someplace else, not our local agency. I said then if there are more services that would be different, but she didn't start out tetlling me that- she started out saying it was only the beh mod therapist. She said there are several agencies she has available- she might get it from ABC or DEF. I'm familiar with one of those places- it is strictly programs like beh mod, substance abuse, anger management, etc. I didn't understand what she said when she named the other but I presume it would be the same. So, anyway, it sounded like she just called to order and antagonize me. She said she had already ordered it, but then just said "it could be from this place or this place or from somewhere else." I have no idea what she has ordered or from where or if I'm supposed to get a call from somebody or what.

    The first time difficult child was put on probation, 3 years ago, something for anger management was ordered. Some guy called me and said he worked for this agency and had the same attitude as the mst guy- ordering- I will be coming to your house and I'll let you know a day beforehand and there will be times I'll decide to take difficult child somewhere. I said where? He said he didn't know. I said "I don't think so". I mean, I didn't know this guy from adam and he couldn't give me any info, just the same- if you don't comply, blah blah blah. I called that PO and said my son is 11 yo- I don't let him leave with people I don't know just because they call me up and say they are coming to get him and not telling me where they are going or why or anything else. She had the order changed. So, so far, everyone that is supposed to be "helpful" thru Department of Juvenile Justice has been no more than someone else giving orders and threats of noncompliance who doesn't care one ioda about the problems that need to be dealt with, and they wonder why I'm not jumping up and down with joy about it?

    I don't get why I got this kind of response for a request to get help for mental health issues, financial issues, and crisis prevention. ALL they wanted to focus on was difficult child getting to school. The PO said yesterday that if difficult child went to school, I could get back to work full time. I said "no, I cannot". She asked why and I explained why. She said well, I could work sometimes. I said yes, but I did that for 18 mos and that's exactly how I ended up in this financial situation.

    She said well, she's ordering this counselor and the person will be out to our house and will determine if they are in over their head and something more is needed. She said that about MST guy too.

    First, how could this guy or any professional be so sure what was needed based on that info that he had? I feel like they just had some image of our homelife, but where would they get it why would they not even be willing to consider more facts? I can just visualize this being presented in court like everyone discussed all the facts and they offered the best they could for the situation. When in reality, it was a done deal before I even went in there.

    If they don't think there is a real mental health issue, or they don't want to address the mental health issue and just want difficult child punished- as the guy repetitively said that difficult child just needed consequences- then why bother going thru thses motions? Why didn't they just recommend sending him to sate juvy? Why attack me? The principal has put in writing that she thinks I'm a very good parent and works diligently with them and to get help for my son, etc., and that things are going well at school.

    Sorry- if anyone read all this-I just feel lied to, set up, and completely defenseless and hopeless and that my son will never get any more mental health care, so why bother. I feel physically ill over it and can't even look at difficult child. I just cry until there are no more tears. When I said if I'm that bad of a parent, then place him somewhere else, PO says well, then they will put him with your family- KNOWING that situation and KNOWING that even she felt I needed to limit that contact. When I started getting so frustrated with PO because I was feeling jerked around and I said "what do you want me to do- nothing I do meets what you want- do you want me to blow my f***ing brains out" all she said was "I want to to quit cursing at me". Like I cursed HER.
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2009
  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    K, does difficult child have a CASA volunteer assigned to him? I wonder if that might help ... I don't know how you request one, but they seem to be more caring and it might be a rational third party to advocate for difficult child. Just a thought.

    I feel at this point that you really need an advocate.. you are exhausted and emotionally drained and need someone else to be by your side and ask questions when you are too spent to deal with it any more.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I checked on that and apparently, there is such a shortage- they are only available in cases of absent parents (child in foster care), abuse or neglect, and they don't have enough to fill those needs.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    KLMNO, instead of overanalyzing everything, I think it boils down to this:

    He was not introduced as a mental health professional but as a part of the funding agency.

    Is there some way you can just take a couple of days off and sleep? You're going to need all the strength you've got to deal with-this situation.