Question about difficult child hours at new job

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by GuideMe, Nov 15, 2014.

  1. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Good morning everyone,

    As you are aware, my daughter got a new job, at a place where it is known to respect it's workers. It's a nice little minimum wage job to have.

    On Sunday, they have her scheduled to work a double. 8:00 am - 3:00 pm and 4:00-9:00 pm. Now I can't believe they did that. Why would they give her such long hours and she is hasn't even been there a week yet? This will be hard on her and I don't blame her! As I said , they are known to care about their employee's , so it's kind of a surprise.

    If this happened to you, how would you handle it? Would you work the hours and not say anything or.....? I need to learn how to handle these type of things myself as well because soon, I might be going back into the working world. There has to be some kind of labor law against this.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Don't baby her. Really. She's not in school. My daughter worked in retail and often worked ten hours a day and it was good for her.Yes, I have and would work the hours. My daughter has also had ten hour days, especially when she was a chef. Let her do it. She's had a long enough vacation laying around at home.

    This is her decision, not yours. She is of age and many, many kids have jobs AND go to college. One of my daughter's bestest friends is a major easy child and goes to college full time AND works full time. She is happy, healthy, doing well on all fronts and has no time to get into trouble, not that she is inclined to do so. It is her decision. Her father was laid off and she wants to not only help save up for college, but wants to help her family. She is going to grow up to be a great young woman.

    Once our kids turn eighteen, I don't believe we should make their healthy choices for them. Work and hours are their decisions. It does not involve us.

    The only thing that would tick me off is if my daughter quit her job because "it's too hard." To me, translating "I don't have enough time to party." Your daughter is very young and healthy.

    I would also add that I worked at a hospital and often had to work double shifts.

    I do not think this is your territory at all. Let her grow up. If you get involved, you are showing her that you don't trust her to be able to work hard and to make her own decisions.

    Yes, it is legal. She will be physically fine. You can't treat her like she is made of china. Many jobs, especially with our difficult children who have little education, require you to work hard and often, but it is a start to possibly becoming a store manager. My daughter was a hard worker and almost always became the store manager. When she no longer liked the work, she went back to college on her own dime, BUT she also worked part time and was long out of the house.

    "Give them roots to grow and wings to fly."

    Trust that you daughter CAN do this. She is not that little girl who you had to protect. The more you protect her, the more helpless she will become. The more you tell her that she is working too hard and it's not fair, the more she will use it and become overly dependent on you.

    Hugs to you. I hope you can let her be the adult that she is. Try to define what is your territory and wh at is hers. Write a list (I love my lists). Her work would not be in your category, at least not in my opinion.
  3. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Thanks MWM and I appreciate that, no doubt. I understand where you are coming from. However, this is a 12-14 hour shift. Way beyond 10 hours. Keep in mind, my daughter does have a mental illness , so it would be doubly hard for her. Also, it's fine if it's a one time thing, but what if it becomes more than that? I need the right tools to tell her how to handle it and what exactly she should say to her manager if it becomes a problem, because I have no idea. Plus, I would just like to know in general how to handle these things. I doubt many of us would tolerate a shift like that every week, on top of the hours we already work.
  4. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    As I said, I would just like to know in general as well, being as though I might one day enter the work force again. I would not be able to work that kind of shift.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    They wouldn't expect you to. I am on disability and they accommodate me. When I was young I worked all hours, all the time. I limit my hours to 20 a week now. You are in a different place than your daughter and you have to be careful of your health conditions.
  6. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    I just hope it's a one time thing for her, and if it's not, I don't think she will be able to handle it. I really don't want her to lose this job and to have it by the time I leave. If she can not handle it, I would rather her talk to the manager first and work something out then to just quit. The problem is, those types of meetings are pretty scary. So, I am looking for some things to say to a manger if this becomes a problem. I know she is going to ask me to tell her what to say and I want to be prepared for when it happens.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Read my lips:


    Why won't she be able to handle it? I talked to a young man at work today (yes, I am working the weekend). He is 17 and still in high school and works after school and every other weekend. In a way, he is a difficult child. He is in an alternative school. I don't know why. Why is your daughter unable to handle the hours? She is 18, not 8.

    Honestly, I say this lovingly, but I can see why she is has such an entitled attitude. She has never been treated her age. Let her grow up, hon. Stop advising her what to do. She will take the easy way out. If she knows you think she works too hard, which is in my opinion ridiculous since she has nothing else going on, she will quit because she knows you approve of it. And what will she spend her hours doing? And where will she live when you leave if sh e has no job? by the way, perhaps you were afraid of talking to your boss, but not everyone is. I sure am not. I don't see why you daughter should be. I think it is way too early for her talk to him anyway.

    Calm, calm, calm. Yes, she is your daughter, No, she is not performing slave labor. She is doing what many, many teens do. In fact quite a portion both go to college full time and work part-time and some also do sports and other activities. They do not crack up. It makes them stronger, more capable young adults, ready for t he future.

    Take a bubble bath and a book and put on some nice music :) Indulge yourself. Do something really nice for you :)
  8. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Well, she actually did a double today, will do a double tomorrow and then do a double on Tuesday. This is exactly what I was afraid of. They are going to burn her out before she even starts. This has me very concerned. I do not agree with this type of scheduling at all. I won't say anything to her, believe me I won't. I'm not that dumb. If she can do it great. We will see.
  9. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I understand your worry GM. Those kind of work schedules are not good or healthy to even healthy person and your daughter was very recently hospitalised for a week for mental health issues. I'm not sure if you mentioned, or if she was at all, diagnosed for something or given medications. However in almost any mental health issue the first step of good self care and managing the issue is regular sleep and lifestyle and managing stress. Irregular work, and especially double shifts (that are a significant health risk even for healthy) more often than very rarely are recipe for catastrophe if you have certain illnesses (both physical chronic illness and also almost any mental health issue.)

    I'm sure she doesn't want to share her health history with new employer, and I'm not familiar with your worker safety or equality laws, so giving away any info can mean losing her job, but it would be vital for her to learn to advocate her needs for proper self care of her issues. Maybe better not to mentioned exact nature of health issues but asking for not be placed to double shifts because of the health issues and need to manage them with lifestyle choices. And if the employer is not willing to accommodate it, start to look for other job with more regular hours.
  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Jobs are not that easy to get these days. She can do this. It is good that she will be busy. There will be little time for her to get in trouble. She will not have the energy to scream at you. The money she makes will make her independent of your money.

    Your daughter is not helpless unless you want her to be.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Agree with pasajes4. Gone are the days when kids (or older adults) can sit down and tell the boss what schedule they will or won't work. Let her deal with today's economy. After all, she is growing up in it. My daughter NEVER had normal 37 hours a week jobs and if she burned out she got another job before she quit her old one. However, it was always the same thing. These days you work your tail off and do what the boss asks you to do or you sit on the couch, trying to make due with the few entitlements offered by our government.We are not like many other countries. If you don't work, you can't afford to survive. And we have no leverage over our employers unless we are highly educated in needed fields and have our own businesses, which most of us don't.

    Don't make her think she is made of china. If you do, she will take advantage of it and you. Got it??? ;)
  12. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Companies do this mostly because they rely on computers to pick and choose workers to cover shifts. It isn't something personally being done to your daughter. This is the "new" way minimum wage workers are being harassed (as a byproduct) by big corporations (it's been in the news) Even Starbucks, known for being friendly to employees does this whole double/split shift scheduling. I do agree you worry way to much about what you difficult child is up to. Better she be "up to work" than pounding on you (mentally, emotionally or physically)
  13. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    My grand works "part-time" and goes to high school full time. She hates having to work. She hates her job. She complains that she has no time to enjoy her senior year. Sometimes she has to work a double and there are times when she works from open to close.

    She is physically impaired and the work is challenging. That is the only thing she does not complain about. I asked her why she does not quit. Her answer was that it meant that she was like everyone else. She has her own money and can buy the clothes she wants and is saving for a beater of a car for college.
  14. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I agree that it's asking a lot but this may be how they weed out the people who really don't want to work. Gone are the days when employers treated their workers like family and got involved in their personal lives and made allowances. Jobs are hard to find and workers are a dime a dozen. Given her history, she is lucky somebody hired her. Tell her to get her hiney to work and not complain. She is an adult and this is how it works. IF she handles this well, hopefully they will discover that she is a committed member of their team and things will probably improve. If she doesn't, she'll be looking for a job again with a black mark on her record because she couldn't cope in the workplace.
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  15. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Sorry, I have to politely disagree. Scheduling employee's, even with no mental health problems at all, for three double shifts and it's not even her first week is a problem. I do not know why they do this and think it's ok. Also, my daughter is not complaining....yet. This is just me for-seeing the future. In my day when I worked minimum wage jobs, we never, ever were scheduled to work double shifts. Only rarely if someone called out sick. Sure, I understand if they have to work weekends and all kinds of odd hours, but scheduling double shifts knowingly is not cool. Had no idea that this was common now, although I suspected it because I vaguely remember her having this problem at one of her old jobs, which caused my concern now. By the way, she has a history, but she has no criminal history or anything like that and left her other job on good terms.

    Suzir, thank you so much for understanding and giving me some tools to cope with this if this does become a problem for my daughter. You really hit the nail on the head with all your points and why I am concerned. Much love and appreciation.
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member is not your day. It has changed. A lot. For the worse.

    This is the U.S. Suzir is fortunate enough (and I mean that) to live in a country that has far more supports to help it's people plus her son has a job and can live with her or with others. You want your daughter to live on her own when you leave.

    Fair or not, it is what it is here in the U.S. Your daughter has no work history or education. She is lucky to be employed at all. Kids fight for that job you are so worried will wear out your daughter. Where do you think she will get a job that will treat her fairly in your eyes) yet allow her to support herself? This isn't for us to know. They are just questions for you to think about. If your goal is to have her living on her own, then she has to have money to do it. Living on the streets is also stressful.

    Hugs and good luck.
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  17. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Maybe you missed this. AGAIN THERE IS NOTHING SPECIAL about YOUR difficult child it is happening to everyone who wants a job - and don't you know they have a way to figure out how to overwork people up to the point it is time to pay overtime? i.e. more than 40 hours a week???
    AND I don't think it will help your daughter at all to point out she is mentally ill. There are way too many stable people looking for a job and a company could use that information to prevent her from ever having a job. I say: "count your lucky stars that she has a job"
  18. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Well, we can agree to disagree. I never said that I would point out that she is mentally ill to her or anyone. Suzir answered the original question that I asked which was how to cope if this situation arises and what words or techniques I could use to tell her to tell her manager if the double shift becomes a problem. Yes, I am fully aware it is a risk, that's why I asked. If the job can not accommodate her, that's ok, it doesn't hurt to discuss it with your manager (again , if it does become a problem). If they say no, it's a no, and then she will have to decide from there. Suzir answered it perfectly for me and I appreciate it. I understand where you all are coming from as well and believe me I am keeping it in mind.
  19. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Exactly why I am worried about this. I don't want her to lose her job.
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It's a catch-22. If she speaks up, they can let her go. If she does not speak up and can't quite handle it, they can let her go. And as MWM said... you are in the US, where there are very limited protections for workers. (in Canada, we are half-way to where SuZir is... )