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question about enabling behavior
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<blockquote data-quote="Dixies_fire" data-source="post: 597585" data-attributes="member: 16184"><p>I think they can control it to a greater extent then we realize or want to believe. It is easy for us to shrug off the behavior and say it isn't their fault. I think a difficult child's success is largely dependent on what we accept. This may not be true for every child or all diagnosis's but I think it's true of my child. She knows what behavior we expect and doesn't have a problem giving us that behavior when it is beneficial to her, when there is no carrot dictating her behavior that is another story and the behavior isn't just bad it is -strange- some things are small and can be over looked but collapsing into tears at the slightest provocation and being violent because someone touches her towel, these are not normal.</p><p>Now I accept that spanking may not be the answer to her behavior and some methods of correction seem to feed into the behavior and cause more of it, specifically the more I try to talk to her about the behavior the worse it gets, putting her in a restricted environment where she can not yell scream hit or rage (or i dont hear the raging and there for don't react) seems to be more effective as a punishment and does not usually escalate the behavior. </p><p></p><p>My main problem is I react to the behavior more often then I should and there for she does more of those behaviors. I forget that I have to deal with her in a different way then the way I was raised or the way that works best for my other child.</p><p>I absolutely feel that this failure of mine contributes to her behavior and contrary wise if I control the chaos and control my actions and deal with her in a detached manor I absolutely get better results. The fact that she does not hit other children or stomp on them or burst out in tears at the first sign of trouble absolutely does mean she can control some of this behavior to a greater or lesser extent depending on the day and circumstances.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dixies_fire, post: 597585, member: 16184"] I think they can control it to a greater extent then we realize or want to believe. It is easy for us to shrug off the behavior and say it isn't their fault. I think a difficult child's success is largely dependent on what we accept. This may not be true for every child or all diagnosis's but I think it's true of my child. She knows what behavior we expect and doesn't have a problem giving us that behavior when it is beneficial to her, when there is no carrot dictating her behavior that is another story and the behavior isn't just bad it is -strange- some things are small and can be over looked but collapsing into tears at the slightest provocation and being violent because someone touches her towel, these are not normal. Now I accept that spanking may not be the answer to her behavior and some methods of correction seem to feed into the behavior and cause more of it, specifically the more I try to talk to her about the behavior the worse it gets, putting her in a restricted environment where she can not yell scream hit or rage (or i dont hear the raging and there for don't react) seems to be more effective as a punishment and does not usually escalate the behavior. My main problem is I react to the behavior more often then I should and there for she does more of those behaviors. I forget that I have to deal with her in a different way then the way I was raised or the way that works best for my other child. I absolutely feel that this failure of mine contributes to her behavior and contrary wise if I control the chaos and control my actions and deal with her in a detached manor I absolutely get better results. The fact that she does not hit other children or stomp on them or burst out in tears at the first sign of trouble absolutely does mean she can control some of this behavior to a greater or lesser extent depending on the day and circumstances. [/QUOTE]
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