Question about military and difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by FlowerGarden, Sep 26, 2011.

  1. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Does anyone know if you have been arrested, can you join the military? difficult child was arrested 2 times when he was a teen and both charges were expunged after probation. As an adult, he was arrested for having marijuana in his vehicle. He was on probation and is now off of it. He was told he can have it expunged but it will be costly. He tried college but could not handle the unstructured setting. He works part time at 2 jobs. His employers like the way he works. They say he goes above and beyond. They also say "I don't care what others say about you." Naturally, the last phrase always makes him cringe. difficult child has been saying for a couple of years that he wishes he could go somewhere and get a new start. He has some friends from school who went into different branches of the military and difficult child would like to enlist. He feels the structure, change of location, and chance to meet others would be the best for him. He says he doesn't want to be labeled all the time. He is trying to schedule an appointment with the Army. He is just waiting to see when his one boss can give him time off. I have heard from others that the military is very selective now and with his previous arrests he probably would not qualify.
     
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    I don't think just an arrest will exclude him. A conviction of a felony probably would, but I think there are ways around that as well.

    I say stop worrying and have him go for it. If he's excluded, so be it, but worrying (feeding anxiety) will get zero results. He needs to find out ALL the details from the "horse's mouth" so to speak.
     
  3. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    It will depend on what branch and what job he is trying to strike for. I'd at least tell him to take the ASVAB and start talking to recruiters. Can't hurt.
     
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Talk to recruiters of various branches- they each have their own criteria and options for waivers. You never know either- sometimes they don't need to take anyone right then so they won't bother but sometimes they are hurting for someone so they'll go to great lengths to help get them in. Also, consider the coast guard and national guard.
     
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    As long as he's honest and upfront about it, I don't think it would be an issue.

    They'll check to make sure all sentencing and probation ect is over, which shouldn't be an issue since it is.
     
  6. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    What is the ASVAB? Please keep your fingers crossed for him!
     
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's the test the military gives you to see what type of job you're best qualified for and what your abilities are, etc- it's a general sort of written test but is categorized so they can determine you'd be best at admin duties, technical jobs, etc, or that you'd probably never do well at any job they have. It doesn't have as much to do with the kind of grades you made in school as one might think so don't worry about that. I think you have to set that up thru a recruiter, though- I'm not sure. I still would talk to a recruiter first- really, he should go alone to talk to one.
     
  8. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Thanks for explaining the test and I definitely would not go with him to the recruiter.
     
  9. Blondiesbf

    Blondiesbf New Member

    I'm pretty sure the Army is most lenient with prior offenses. My friends daughter was made an offer of having her shoplifting charge reduced (or something) if she joined the military. So, there is forgiveness!
     
  10. On the same lines, does anyone know about mental health issues and enlisting? I think they can't be on any medications but what about history, hospitalizations, etc?
     
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It depends on what it is- an unregulated BiPolar (BP) diagnosis would not be accepted but it's my understanding that a regulated ADHD diagnosis would- it depends on hx as far as proving that the kid has gone a few years without this interfering with ability to be functional, but there are some cut-and-dry boundaries too. You really are better off with any person interested in joining the military just going in and talking to recruiters.
     
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I think what they are looking at is the risk of this person "going off the deep end". So... violent crime would be out. Fraud is probably out too... for different reasons. But there's lots of minor stuff that doesn't impact ability to do the job right.
     
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I work in an environment where I see these people come back with legs or arms blown off, faces scarred from burns, etc., and some come back for autopsies only.....for anyone encouraging their kid to join the military, please remember this isn't the quick, easy job to solve difficult child issues. It's very serious and could leave you feeling horrible if it's not something your kid really wanted to do on his/her own accord. I respect everyone willing and able to serve the country and join the military and I know most that join aren't mature enough to understand the risks, but in my humble opinion, I'd think twice as a parent pushing for this if the kid hasn't reached the conclusion on their own. Just my 2 cents.
     
  14. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    klmno,
    I am not pushing him into joining the military. He is the one wanting this. I really don't want him to enlist but it is HIS wishes. difficult child has many classmates who enlisted. He has been in contact with some of them. He knows what he is getting into. He feels the need to enlist.

    Regarding mental health, when he was a senior in high school, a recruiter approached him. I am not sure of which branch of the military it was. difficult child asked about being on medication for bipolar, which he was taking at that point. He was told by the recruiter he could not be on the medication he was on and enlist. difficult child does not take any medications now and hasn't in 2 years.

    difficult child is waiting for the recruiting office to call him back to set up an appointment.
     
  15. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    again - on the medications, it will depend on the branch and what job he strikes for.

    I would also suggest he talk to all branches of service AND guard. You'll see from my sig line that my son was in the Navy. He went up to the recruiting office (all branches and guard in the same building) one day after high school and just kept going back and forth between them until he got the deal HE wanted. In his case, it was the Navy, but for your son, it may be another branch. Again, the ASVAB is important - it will determine what jobs are open to your son at all.

    Does your son have any idea what he wants to do in the service? My son had a definite goal of being an air craft mechanic, and refused to be swayed from that goal by the recruiters. They really wanted him to be nuclear but he held out for what he wanted.
     
  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm a Navy vet and am partial to that branch because they are very focused on education but have had people who are close to me in the other branches. Skeeter brings up some great points. It's good though, that your son is open minded about the branch but is the one who has his mind made up to look into it. I most definitely agree with him talking to various branches, including the guard, and taking his time. The military needs loyal people who are focused on what they feel driven to do- especially now during war time. If it's meant to be, it will be. The guard has great educational benefits. All branches will lead to him learning things he'd never learn otherwise- it's a worthwhile experience that one never forgets. on the other hand, it can leave a parent's heart torn to pieces if the worst happens.

    FWIW, I too, have and still do encourage my son to look into this to a certain extent. I understand what you're saying as far as not pushing him, but wanting to encourage it and support it. I'm not familiar with you though, on the board, so I just wanted to make sure you weren't a person who thought all their kid's difficult child issues could and would be solved by joining the military. It just doesn't work that way.
     
  17. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't know about these days, but used to at least, he doesn't need to call for an appointment- they might not check phone messages for days- just walk in the recruiter's office. If they require an appointment, they'll tell him then.
     
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Semper Fi! Do or Die...lmao. My son enlisted right out of HS. He wanted Marines his whole life.

    Your son needs to go online to military.about.com I think that is the correct address. It will give him a TON of information about the different branches, pay scales, MOS's, ASVAB practice tests, stuff like that.

    My son was adhd and did the Marines just fine...he was a MP. 5811 MOS. Im partial to the Marines.
     
  19. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    difficult child had left a message for an appointment and got a return message to call for an appointment. He did get an appointment and went today. He was disqualified for his possession arrest. He's a bit down but thinking of trying the other branches of the military. I believe the Army was his choice because my dad was in the Army. difficult child was about 5 when my dad died. Even though he was so young, he took "care" of my dad when he was sick. difficult child would sit and play games with him, get him food, help him get out of a chair, etc. I have never asked difficult child what he wanted to do in the military. I didn't want to be "accused" of trying to sway him. At times, when we ask questions, he feels we are trying to talk him into or out of doing something, so I am trying to be more of a listener!
     
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