Question for the PE group

[firehorsewoman]

I started speaking with my kids from the time they asked what beer/wine/liquor was and if they could try it. They all accepted that it was for adults when they were little. WHen Wiz went on medications at age 7 I started talking about how they would react with drugs and alcohol and about our family history with alcohol. A short time later Wiz and J were sent wth my bro for an afternoon at the lake (my parents sent them - they were on vacation at my folks and I was flying home wth thank you that day) and he terrorized them and refused to let them put on sunscreen so they wound up with sunburns that needed doctor attn and J was almost hospitalized from the burn.

I am sure Wiz has tried alcohol but he has not come home drunk and he actively refuses to spend time with anyone who is using drugs, even if it is taking their own rx medications to get high rather than as intended. He is honestly terrifed of what drugs would do to him. He loathes and abhors my brother and has seen over and over the awful things my bro has done while drinking and what bro's now exwife has done and is doing to my niece. Wiz considers my bro's exwife to be a waste of carbon and oxygen, "not worth the two bucks of carbon and water it takes to make her body" was his last description of her.

in my opinion he is a success story so far. This is a college town and drugs and alcohol are EVERYWHERE and it would be extremely easy for him to purchase either. So far he has been very very responsible and we are very proud of that and of him.

You are doing what you can do. It is ultimately a choice we all make over and over. I do think that the trauma and unhappiness that my bro's behavior and his exwife's behavior have caused have had a HUGE impact on Wiz' decisions.

I told all of my kids about my "drug period" in my life from 18-20, how it totally destroyed my academics in college and lost a huge academic scholarship, and how I had to do an enlistment in the army in order to get my life out of the ditch and get back into college, and I've made it very clear that smoking pot & taking other drugs was the source of my decline during that 2-year period. I think that this has had a real impression on them. I also think that them seeing the horror of their difficult child cousin's behavior, and what a wreck he's made of his life, and how it all seems to stem from his addiction to pot, has had a very powerful effect on them. I hate to say it, but sometimes having a difficult child in the family is the best possible tool by which to instruct one's kids not to go down that road. They all see his life and behavior and just recoil from it.

You both make a good point about how seeing a family member or friend destroy their lives with addiction can really help a young difficult child avoid that path in their lives. I have included in my warnings about drugs and alcohol a potential introduction to their difficult child grandmother whom the kids have never met. I have told them that if they want to see what "just smoking pot" can do to someone I have a perfect example. I hope that it never comes to that but if my difficult child even dabbles in drugs or uses alcohol while underage I will take him to meet his grandmother. That would scare the daylights out of most adults never mind teenagers.

Thanks Susiestar. Your post was especially helpful and I am happy that Wiz is a success story!

 

[Nomad]

We did our best with our kids, warning them of certain dangers...with "so so" results.
I told a friend of mine with two boys to make sure they got involved with activities when they went to that High School and they did and they had a completely different and very positive high school experience...and did not do drugs, etc.
When mental illness is involved, things are much more complicated and difficult.
Generally speaking, it does seem to help if teens are involved in a healthy activity like a sport...club membership, hobby, etc. It can keep them out of the more serious problems.