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Question for those who adopted kids older than two years old
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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 448570" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>Not sure what kind of information you're looking for but.....</p><p></p><p>difficult child came to live with us as a foster child when he was 9 and the adoption was final when he was ten. AT that point, he had been in and out of multiple foster homes since he was a toddler and had had TWO failed pre-adoptive placements BACK TO BACK.....the first of which was his own aunt/uncle. There were issues from day 1 but of course we were clueless at the time. He called me Mom from the first second but it took him a bit to call husband "Dad". However, ANY female caretaker that he stayed with...he called Mom so I doubt it really meant anything at the time. Some of his issues were related to his own mental issues....some were related to the years of bouncing around and I'm sure some of them were due to his bio mom and that situation.</p><p></p><p>The bonding experience.....meh....not much of it. I tried, I did, but at the end of the first year, I was so exhausted just from finding out and dealing with his issues, behaviors and diagnosis's....I didn't have much energy after that. I still tried for years though...took him places, tried to do the "normal" parent/kid things but most of the time it didn't work. He would either act up, get over stimulated or just refuse to do anything. At one poing I remember being out and about with him and he was acting like a donkey (No offense Star). I mentioned to him that HE was the one telling me we didn't do things together so why was he acting like this. He LAUGHED and said that he didn't want to be seen in public with me. I do believe that was the last time I took him anywhere "fun" by myself. (He was probably around 14 or 15 at the time)</p><p></p><p>Plus, over the years he has stolen, destroyed, disassembled so many things in my house that I don't trust him any farther than I can spit. THAT has killed a lot of my happy thoughts. Yes, I love him but I don't really like him much. He calls from prison and says how we were good parents....it was all his fault....I shouldn't be upset with myself and I just laugh. Not on the phone of course but after. It's just one big DUH moment for me. Besides......who knows if his tales of learning a lesson are even true. He's a master manipulator and I generally don't believe most of what comes out of his mouth.</p><p></p><p></p><p>But...I'm not sure if that's what you were looking for but that's MY experience.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 448570, member: 2459"] Not sure what kind of information you're looking for but..... difficult child came to live with us as a foster child when he was 9 and the adoption was final when he was ten. AT that point, he had been in and out of multiple foster homes since he was a toddler and had had TWO failed pre-adoptive placements BACK TO BACK.....the first of which was his own aunt/uncle. There were issues from day 1 but of course we were clueless at the time. He called me Mom from the first second but it took him a bit to call husband "Dad". However, ANY female caretaker that he stayed with...he called Mom so I doubt it really meant anything at the time. Some of his issues were related to his own mental issues....some were related to the years of bouncing around and I'm sure some of them were due to his bio mom and that situation. The bonding experience.....meh....not much of it. I tried, I did, but at the end of the first year, I was so exhausted just from finding out and dealing with his issues, behaviors and diagnosis's....I didn't have much energy after that. I still tried for years though...took him places, tried to do the "normal" parent/kid things but most of the time it didn't work. He would either act up, get over stimulated or just refuse to do anything. At one poing I remember being out and about with him and he was acting like a donkey (No offense Star). I mentioned to him that HE was the one telling me we didn't do things together so why was he acting like this. He LAUGHED and said that he didn't want to be seen in public with me. I do believe that was the last time I took him anywhere "fun" by myself. (He was probably around 14 or 15 at the time) Plus, over the years he has stolen, destroyed, disassembled so many things in my house that I don't trust him any farther than I can spit. THAT has killed a lot of my happy thoughts. Yes, I love him but I don't really like him much. He calls from prison and says how we were good parents....it was all his fault....I shouldn't be upset with myself and I just laugh. Not on the phone of course but after. It's just one big DUH moment for me. Besides......who knows if his tales of learning a lesson are even true. He's a master manipulator and I generally don't believe most of what comes out of his mouth. But...I'm not sure if that's what you were looking for but that's MY experience. [/QUOTE]
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Question for those who adopted kids older than two years old
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