question for those with grade school kids

[DammitJanet]

I dont remember this going on when I was a kid. We all did the little packs of cards in elementary school with the decorated shoe boxes. You gave one to every other person in the class. Im sure that some of the popular kids may have given something extra to their bestest friends outside of school but I never realized it.

My kids did that same thing in elementary school. I think I remember them being able to buy heart shaped lollipops in middle school for 50 cents but Im not completely sure. Maybe it was discussed at a PTA meeting and shot down. Long time ago...lol.

 

[DDD]

You would think that this practice would be avoided. To me it is just like "choosing team members" at PE. Good Grief that was nothing other than cruel as the same kids got left standing to the end. I remember in Junior High that when I got to choose a team I always included a few of the kids who were most often last .. right after I named a couple of best friends.
Years later some of those difficult child's thanked me for their special day. How sad that archaic practices like this still exist! DDD

 

[Shari]

We had this in our school, but not til high school. At that level, it wasn't so bad, but then again, nowadays, its probably over the top like many other things.

But I'm with you, for elementary and even junior high kids, its just not a good idea... Wee would be one to buy something for everyone and get nothing in return, and he'd never understand why. I watched him cry enough over this dumb holiday already...I hate that others are hurt, too.

 

[timer lady]

Fran, our SD does not allow Valentine exchange unless everyone in the class receives one. Period. Teacher supervises & counts the number of cards; I was so glad when this practice was discontinued.

I think SD got tired of the cliques & parent calls about this practice.

I think the practice of making parents Valentine cards is a much better idea than the cliques that go on. So hurtful at such a young age.

 

[Marguerite]

Remember when we were talking about cultural differences about a week ago? This is another one. We do have Valentine's Day here in Australia, but it has nothing formal about it whatsoever, especially for schools. There would be a huge outcry if there was because I guess the way our people see it, you don't dictate love or friendship. So while some kids might get a valentine, it would be much more private and certainly nothing publicly organised as a fundraiser or something included in the lesson in any way. A kid might get a card from a close friend but frankly, it's not likely especially in elementary school. A girl or guy might get one from girlfriend or boyfriend, but again - it would be mostly private. Perhaps the recipient might show a couple of friends, but in general nobody counts up who received a valentine, who didn't, or who got more than one.

Adults here do celebrate Valentines Day - people buy a rose or chocolates for their partner sometimes. Or go out to dinner, or use the day as an excuse to simply say, "I love you." Because it's not regimented or organised, it means more I think. And it's definitely not considered appropriate for kids because for us Valentines Day is about romantic love and we worry about our kids growing up too fast as it is.

I do remember getting an anonymous valentine one year. I was married and already had two kids and I knew it didn't come from my husband. I checked the handwriting and a couple of other quirks (including where it was posted from) and worked out it came from my psychopath work colleague. I don't know what he was thinking, but there is no way it was intended with affection.

I'm not saying we are right and you are wrong, merely that this is one more area in which your country and my country do things differently. I do think that IF it is an organised school activity (either a fundraiser or a "let's use the day to show one another we care about each other" kind of social awareness, then steps need to be taken to make sure nobody misses out. Otherwise, the lesson becomes a bad one instead of a loving one.

Marg

 

[Fran]

Marg, you are right that the original intent was for acknowledging affection or love within the adult world but being it's based on St. Valentine, it gives it some legitimacy to everyone showing love.
Of course, a lot of the original meaning is lost as is Halloween but it's a fun holiday that the kids celebrate. No deep serious meaning to either of them but a break from the routine of school on the way to a bigger holiday like Thanksgiving and Easter(or spring break).
I don't think most people take these two holidays very seriously as you may percieve but have fun with it.
Door to door trick or treating is rapidly disappearing to something a little less worrisome and I guess Valentine's will also disappear in the grade schools to something more like a party if at all.
I have volunteered in public schools that if parents didn't contribute to the class party then their child was sent to the library. I find that unacceptable. The child is ostracized.
Customs and traditions are always changing to accommadate the culture.

 

[susiestar]

I have never understood why Valentine's Day is celebrated at school. At any other time most of the greetings would be frowned upon between kids. I know that both when I was in school AND now many kids, esp in 4-6th grades, use the cards and greetings as a way to make fun of other kids. The hideous teasing of "homo" or "fagg" is applied to certain less than popular kids even if they use the same cards everyone else uses.

I can remember being teased this way. It was a major reason I stopped participating in recess or any other "social" time with peers. Just choosing which classmate got which card was agonizing way back then. I wanted to avoid the teasing and cruelty but had no idea how. Quite a few classmates felt the same, looking back.

Now thank you is teased this way. He agonized over the greeting on his Valentines cards. It is one reason we make them. So many of the greetings in the printed cards can be taken many ways. Kids are sophisticated enough to know these ways and use them against each other. This year we dodged the bullet by copying a Valentine from www.familyfun.com that was printed on a paper airplane. Instead of tying the paper and directions up in a scroll we put stickers on the planes to make them colorful and folded them into the airplanes. We even had thank you put his name on them before we copied them to save him from writing his name over and over (gets painful for him - hand cramps, etc...).

Kids can send cards asking people to be their Valentine and expressing all kinds of gooey sentiments but on any other day if they do this or hug each other or kiss a classmate the cops can be called? Isn't this strange to anyone else? I cannot fathom how to explain this to a child with social skills problems, one for whom the social rules do not come naturally.

At least the elem school does not do the candy grams. That is one good thing about the holiday!